Was dh out of order?

No. We have more than enough money and our adult children are likely to live internationally. DS and DIL are off in September.

Mother and step are 89 and 81. They love their house, which isn't huge, but has a large garden. It would do more harm than good to uproot at this stage.

@RosesAndHellebores so does your DH spend time and money sorting out her house, where he could be just spending that time with MIL?

@RosesAndHellebores will you end up being those parents adult DC worry about, living in too big a house, surrounded by stuff, not actually coping living there (there is no way my elderly widowed DM would be able to cope with our old family home, now downsized to one bedroom flat which is just about all she can manage but all she needs)

I think given he needs a large desk for his work, the five smaller corner ones weren’t practical. He’s prioritised his job over the luxury of a spare room which is only needed sometimes. You can still put people up just less comfortably, that’s the compromise. So YABU.

DH has thought carefully about that. He has maintained the house as MIL wants it and manages her carers. She is 89.

It isn't a large house and there are people who specialise in house clearance.

That’s called a shrine. It isn’t normal nor should people be guilted into keeping a childhood bedroom in tact for over 40 years.

Poster said DD moved out after buying a house,do people seriously keep a bedtime for their adult dks for ever! I couldn't afford to do this, even if I wanted to. It's ridiculous. We have 2 bedrooms after a downsizing but the last place was a tiny 3 bed cottage. Ds, had an IKEA unit which was a desk ,wardrobe the bed was above. When he left home, adult DD quite happily slept up top.

Probably not.

@RosesAndHellebores that will be fun clearing out when their parents die or need to go into a home. What happens if parents get too old to look after their house, can’t afford to maintain/heat it, it becomes impractical for their health needs? Do they still have to keep it? If they gain grandchildren do they have to provide bedrooms for them too?

If every set of parents have to keep enough bedrooms for all their adult offspring, no wonder so many new houses have to be built

You must surely know that’s not normal?

DH and his sisters still have their bedrooms intact at their family home. Complete with their books and knick knacks. They are 64, 61 and 58!

There is enough space for the the family that live there! The adult DD has more than enough space in her own home.

The problem is the desk you suggested isn’t practical for what he needs
I’m guessing the desk he’s got is 6ft by 3ft which isn’t massive by the time you’ve got phone laptop and printer on it

ultimately the room isn’t big enough for what you want it to do

He has 120cm on 180cm stand up desk? Whose kidney has he sold to buy that

How can a desk be that deep? You can't even reach most of it! Does it have a built in hob and fridge/freezer or something? It looks like a monstrosity (need dimensions added!) but the original one also looks too small. We definitely need a picture or link of this incredible desk! It looks amazing.

Practically I'm sure there's a compromise. He shouldn't have bought something completely different with no discussion. However the space you allocated for him does seem as ridiculously small as the new desk is ridiculously large.

@RosesAndHellebores will you never downsize?

Was the corner desk practical for his needs?

How old are your other DC?

So he does need the desk.

For how long? My parents certainly didn’t have space for 5 of us to stay at theirs any time we chose. We were always welcome home but sleeping arrangements would be make do and mend. I certainly didn’t expect them to keep a room for me when I moved out.

I think the question is, does he NEED the giant desk? I mean, we will all fill a desk full of crap no matter the size, but does he NEED it? If so, and that’s the rooms primary purpose, then crack on (and accept your house guests will dwindle). If he doesn’t need it then return/sell it or cop the loss and get something of a more suitable size.

So if he works in the dining room it’s an inconvenience to you, if he buys a desk that doesn’t suit you it’s an inconvenience to you. The room sounds too small to reasonably fit a double bed and a decent sized desk - working at a small corner desk isn’t great day in day out it’s ok for him to have something he can comfortably work at.

Being a good parent is about ensuring there is enough space for the family. More space would have been available had a sensible sized desk been purchased.

You and I may differ but I think it's a subliminal message represents territory marking.

i would have got a proper small single bed and then chose an appropriate desk, you can’t leave a man to buy household items unsupervised, unless he lives alone.

When your sister visits, make your DH sleep in his office and she can sleep in your bedroom with you.

If he deliberately picked a desk that wasn't on the list of suitable desks that actually fit in the room and he doesn't actually need a desk that big, he has deliberately done this because he doesn't want your DD and your sister to come andd stay.

I agree with other posters that he wouldn't have done this if your DD was his child.

Its called growing up.

It’s one thing if you have space for both but to prioritise keeping a bedroom as is and empty for about 300 days a year when someone in the home has a practical need for the room nearly half the week is ridiculous.