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Original poster

DH not including me in conversation

34 replies

KPPlumbing · 23/06/2025 21:01

I'd like to hear your perspectives on this, as I've just lost my shit at DH.

He often has random work-related associates round to the house for an after work drink. Great.

He likes me to join them. I'm a sociable person, so I do. He then consistently makes ZERO effort to include me in a single bit of conversation. There's no "How was your day?" or "How was the gym?" or "Oh, it's interesting that you mention that, because KPPlumbing does that for a hobby too". Just...anything.

I can chat to anyone, and can always force my way in to any conversation, which I do.

But I just tore DH a new one about the fact he wants me to join them, and then doesn't make any attempt to bring me into the conversation. I said I won't bother again and will leave him to it.

Do I have a point?

OP posts:
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Wildhorsesdraggedme · 24/06/2025 05:42

KPPlumbing · 23/06/2025 21:35

🤣

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Bloody Sheila and her driveway!

DiscoBob · 23/06/2025 22:48

It feels like the pleasantries of conversation as a couple wouldn't really fit with a group.

So 'how was your day?' etc isn't including others and the response wouldn't interest them. It's better just to go with the flow and chat about more general stuff and just accept that you and him can have a private convo later on.

But it's totally fair to not feel inclined to join in if you don't want to. It's also fine to say if sometimes it's not convenient for these friends to come round.

SundayBorn · 23/06/2025 22:47

Yet he ignores you? Makes you feel as if you’re not there?

Original poster
KPPlumbing · 23/06/2025 22:38

SundayBorn · 23/06/2025 22:37

A power game? Making himself look superior?

No he's not like that at all.

OP posts:
SundayBorn · 23/06/2025 22:37

A power game? Making himself look superior?

Original poster
KPPlumbing · 23/06/2025 22:30

Rhaidimiddim · 23/06/2025 22:28

Then just let The Menz talk.

As you arrive home, "Hi, TedFromWork, alright?"

Then get on with your own thing. Your DH sounds socially inept in this respect. If he insists you join him, tell him no unless he ups his game.

Edited
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Yes I've told him this in no uncertain terms!

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Original poster
KPPlumbing · 23/06/2025 22:28

Sthoremouse · 23/06/2025 21:53

OP come on! You've seen this before surely?!

A beautiful woman by his side when a man wants to seem successful?
You're arm candy as many phrase it. Not there to be heard but be seen.
A man always feels more confident if there's a beautiful woman next to him, that's what you are.

It's harsh but unfortunately true in many cases. I hope I'm wrong but question your DH, tell him to have something in common with boss/business partner and want to chat about it, see his response.

I'm in a more senior position than my husband, out earn him, and have tonnes to say. I'd be surprised if i was there for eye candy. But...sigh...perhaps thats what it boils down to after all.

OP posts:
Rhaidimiddim · 23/06/2025 22:28

KPPlumbing · 23/06/2025 22:22

Yes exactly this.

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Then just let The Menz talk.

As you arrive home, "Hi, TedFromWork, alright?"

Then get on with your own thing. Your DH sounds socially inept in this respect. If he insists you join him, tell him no unless he ups his game.

Original poster
KPPlumbing · 23/06/2025 22:22

Rhaidimiddim · 23/06/2025 22:01

As in, ackowledging your arrival, stopping the convo with TedFromWork to say " Hey, KP, here's TedFromWork. Ted, you remember KP? Ted and me were just chatting about XYZ but let me get you a drink while you catch up with Ted..." sort of thing?

Instead of ignoring the littke lady and treating her like audience while The Menz talk?

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Yes exactly this.

OP posts:
Rhaidimiddim · 23/06/2025 22:01

KPPlumbing · 23/06/2025 21:09

I'm asking questions and shooting the shit. I can do that with anyone.

I'd just like to not have to fight my way in. It would be nice for him to actively include me, as I do when the shoe is on the other foot.

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As in, ackowledging your arrival, stopping the convo with TedFromWork to say " Hey, KP, here's TedFromWork. Ted, you remember KP? Ted and me were just chatting about XYZ but let me get you a drink while you catch up with Ted..." sort of thing?

Instead of ignoring the littke lady and treating her like audience while The Menz talk?

Original poster
KPPlumbing · 23/06/2025 21:53

SheridansPortSalut · 23/06/2025 21:51

Do you actually want to have a drink with these random strangers in your house?

Personally, it's my idea of hell.

Yes! Like I said, I'm sociable. And if I've worked at home all day, I'm up for a drink and a chat. They tend to be nice guys. It would just be nice to have DH make some effort to include me, as I do with him when the shoe is on the other foot.

OP posts:
Sthoremouse · 23/06/2025 21:53

OP come on! You've seen this before surely?!

A beautiful woman by his side when a man wants to seem successful?
You're arm candy as many phrase it. Not there to be heard but be seen.
A man always feels more confident if there's a beautiful woman next to him, that's what you are.

It's harsh but unfortunately true in many cases. I hope I'm wrong but question your DH, tell him to have something in common with boss/business partner and want to chat about it, see his response.

SheridansPortSalut · 23/06/2025 21:51

Do you actually want to have a drink with these random strangers in your house?

Personally, it's my idea of hell.

Original poster
KPPlumbing · 23/06/2025 21:49

DoctorRoseReturns · 23/06/2025 21:42

Does he call you over like "come and join us"?
Or has he'd said before "hi when I have work colleagues around for drinks I want you to join us?"

I think if he calls you over then asking wouldn't be weird but if you walk over and join in then asking how the gym was would be a bit weird

He calls me over and says "Come and have a drink with us".

OP posts:
DoctorRoseReturns · 23/06/2025 21:42

Does he call you over like "come and join us"?
Or has he'd said before "hi when I have work colleagues around for drinks I want you to join us?"

I think if he calls you over then asking wouldn't be weird but if you walk over and join in then asking how the gym was would be a bit weird

Original poster
KPPlumbing · 23/06/2025 21:41

SheridansPortSalut · 23/06/2025 21:39

"He often has random work-related associates round to the house for an after work drink."

Am I the only one who thinks that's weird?

Haha, he's a subcontractor, so works with all kinds of people, all over the place. If he likes someone and they happen to be working close to our house, and that person would otherwise just be alone in digs all evening, he invites them round for a drink. It's really rather normal.

OP posts:
SheridansPortSalut · 23/06/2025 21:39

"He often has random work-related associates round to the house for an after work drink."

Am I the only one who thinks that's weird?

Original poster
KPPlumbing · 23/06/2025 21:39

FinallyHere · 23/06/2025 21:23

why would you join in more than once or twice? Thats the only part that I see as unreasonable. He wants you there but not included in the conversation ?

nah. Don’t do that.

Yes exactly, I've well and truly spotted a pattern now, so will give it a swerve next time.

OP posts:
Original poster
KPPlumbing · 23/06/2025 21:38

AbzMoz · 23/06/2025 21:15

Why does he like you to join them then? To look pretty? To serve them drinks?

if he actively shushes you that’s one thing but if you find the tone boring or few avenues to chime in if it’s all clients, deals and widgets, I’d just keep it breezy with a oh I’ve got xyz on, nice seeing you.

He wants me to join because he thinks I'm cool, and I'm able to chat to people! I just wish he made more effort, and all of the effort didn't have to come from me

OP posts:
Original poster
KPPlumbing · 23/06/2025 21:35

TheSlantedOwl · 23/06/2025 21:13

Just make sure you attend work when it’s snowing OP or the boss will be furious 😁

🤣

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 23/06/2025 21:23

why would you join in more than once or twice? Thats the only part that I see as unreasonable. He wants you there but not included in the conversation ?

nah. Don’t do that.

AbzMoz · 23/06/2025 21:15

Why does he like you to join them then? To look pretty? To serve them drinks?

if he actively shushes you that’s one thing but if you find the tone boring or few avenues to chime in if it’s all clients, deals and widgets, I’d just keep it breezy with a oh I’ve got xyz on, nice seeing you.

TheSlantedOwl · 23/06/2025 21:13

Just make sure you attend work when it’s snowing OP or the boss will be furious 😁

Original poster
KPPlumbing · 23/06/2025 21:11

TinyTempest · 23/06/2025 21:10

You sound incredibly angry right now OP.

How many drinks did you have?

What you describe can be fairly annoying but losing your shit and tearing him a new one?

Haha, one beer and I'm not that angry!

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Original poster
KPPlumbing · 23/06/2025 21:10

inkyfingers · 23/06/2025 21:08

You do have a point. Leave him to his friends. Sounds boring anyway.

Yes, it's mainly dull bloody industry chat anyway. I won't bother again.

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