Wasp nest - aibu?

I understand and empathise with your concern. My parents recently found an absolutely beautiful wasps nest at the end of their garden that had been constructed on a beech tree - about the size of a grapefruit. Stunningly lovely thing. Mum was going to leave it til the autumn, same as your neighbours, until I reminded her that 1) she has terrible reactions to wasp stings (she didn't care about that argument); 2) she's got very young grandchildren and will be guilt ridden if they get stung and 3) the nest is right in their orchard which = a load of drunk aggy wasps once the apples start falling and rotting.
At that point she decided that dad should go to screwfix and get some wasp nest spray. A couple of blasts of that and the wasps are gone...and the nephews have a very cool wasp nest to look at (it's in a plastic display case for them to look at now so they can't get hurt by the residual bug spray - I might cut it in half for them so they can see what it looks like inside).

I think in your shoes I would toddle along to screwfix or similar, buy some wasp nest spray, give it to the neighbours and ask them to please take care of the hazard. Note that your youngest has an increasingly unpleasant reaction to wasp stings and you are very concerned that any further stings may require emergency care (epipen etc), so you are doing what any diligent parent would do: trying to remove known hazards like a big wasp nest. You could also track down the council's pest control number and information on the amounts they charge to remove a wasp nest, and offer to pay half (my local council publishes a list of pest removal costs on its website - hopefully your council has something similar - assume that they will NOT remove wasps for free).
To combat their concerns about removing pollinators from the area I would also buy a couple of buddleia or similar bee-attracting plants: give one to the neighbour to plant in their garden, and plant one in yours. Or whatever bee-friendly plant suits your aesthetic.

I would also get yourself equipped with whatever wasp-sting medications you need and that are the most effective: a combo of classic wasp spray with a local anaesthetic, and whatever antihistamine your GP recommends for your child given their medical history - and specifically for wasp stings. This may well differ from what they recommend for hayfever etc as you want a fast acting one - make it as easy to take as possible. You can also get antihistamine creams/gels that go directly onto the sting - but be aware that you may not be able to use those AND a tablet. My personal preference has always been Benadryl as a fast-acting antihistamine, BUT there are concerns about potential long term side effects from using that particular drug, so please consult your GP for the best treatment plan.

In the meantime: buy (or make - using old fizzy drinks bottles cut in half) some wasp traps and hang them on your side of the fence. They are very effective and hopefully will be far more attractive to the wasps than your child. I'm told that you can also buy "fake" wasp nests to hang up, which have the effect of upsetting the wasps (they don't like living within close proximity to another nest) but I have no first hand experience of that being helpful. I also am a fan of the tennis racquet bug zapper things that are rechargable via USB - we got one from Amazon and it's very good.

They have moved in next door, but the fake nests in your garden will stop them wanting to fly into your garden. Worth a try at least as you can't make next door get rid of the nest.

This sounds the best plan.

You would be surprised at how well they work - wasps avoid other nests.

I'd leave it a little while as they don't usually start making a nuisance of themselves until well into July. From early August I'd get a pest control person in whether the neighbours want it or not - the wasps will have finished their useful lifespan for this year around then.

We had a nest in our roof last year and had it removed in late August/early September once they started to become annoying.

Try feeding them. I put saucers of strawberry jam out and they also eat the fallen apples at the end of the season. I've regularly close up interacted with wasps and never been stung. They're just looking for food. Put the jam out near the nest. I like wasps and wouldn't kill them.

They’re under no obligation to get rid of the wasps’ nest. Wasps are not especially aggressive and are unlikely to be interested in you until early autumn when they start seeking out sugar. Unless you’re planning to smear yourselves in treacle the chances are you won’t be affected.

I’m sorry your son’s had a bad wasp experience but wasps are a useful part of the eco system and I wouldn’t be getting rid of them either. I’ve had them nesting in our eaves and have never stung.

We're pollinator friendly as much as possible and I'd potentially leave a bees nest if I could, but not wasps. They'd have to go. Too aggressive to have nearby en masse.

I don't know if wasp traps would be at all effective or if they would only serve to draw more of the wasps into your garden, but I would be looking into that. Every wasp I killed would be a small victory against the idiot neighbours.

I have a sensitivity to wasp stings, they make me very very unwell. I would hate to have a nest anywhere near my house. One started once, and we had it destroyed. Bees I can live with, I don’t use any insecticide in my garden, I plant for Butterflies, I do my bit.

I would be waiting for the neighbours to go away, then working out how to destroy it.

Not a lot you can do tbh.
I have had pest control in this year to destroy a nest in an unavoidable place as I am allergic to stings.
Usually though if I can avoid going near any wasps nests I just leave them.
Doesn't alter the fact that I hate the nasty little shits - but I don't want to spend the money if I don't have to.
If a neighbour asked me to remove a nest that wasn't bothering me but was a problem for them, I would do so.

Is the nest active? Not all nests are: there is one in our loft which is defunct. It’s horrible to look at but dead inside.

Or perhaps they will view occasionally being stung by a wasp, and getting over it, as a normal part of growing up. At least in a world that still has insects, flowers and wild places...

I would remove it if I were your neighbour (I did this with mine) but nothing you could do to force them doing it. So I would invest in deterrents - magnetic fly screen for windows, spray around doors, windows and on the fence, citronella candles for the outside eating.
By the way how would your child know about the nest? At the moment we regularly have wasps coming to our garden and I have no idea where they are coming from. Most of our neighbours have outbuildings as well so the possibilities are endless.

YABU. The nest has very likely been there undiscovered for a month or more. Before making demands - have you even assessed whether the wasps are a problem? Besides your disproportionate fear of them?

I think it's more antisocial to mindlessly contribute to the destruction of vital ecological systems than it is to simply tolerate wasps existing in one's own garden. And for the record, I stumbled into a wasps nest, was stung about 50 times and had to attend hospital as a result when I was a small child. My parents still instilled a love of nature in me and I do not fear wasps. It is perfectly possible to help your child past their fear but only if you can let go of your own.

I understand, honestly. I'm scared of dogs thanks to an unfortunate incident. I hate them running up to me. But the reality of the world is that I can't really avoid it, so i just have to find a way to rationalise it and get on with my life - the fear is mostly in my head and there are ways I can keep myself safe in reality.

We literally don't have enough pollinators anymore!Pollinator decline
I really do sympathise with your situation but I agree with your neighbours that we shouldn't be killing any perfectly healthy pollinators. People have given some good advice about repellent and mesh hats. Don't let him have a phobia for life, help him to realise the good things that wasps do and build up his tolerance to being around them. Show him you aren't scared of them too. I say this as someone who had a massive fear of spiders from a very young age and can now tolerate them.

I mean, that's up to you, but the simple truth is that most normal people would just get on with their lives in a world that has wasps in it.

It’d be getting removed when they are out then. A child being able to play and feel content in their own garden over summer is more important.

A normal wasp nest is not a public health risk. She won't be able to get it removed from someone else's property either.