DH had an affair

Did he buy you off put money in your name after either affair? Or in anticipation of you finding out?
If you want to stay with him because he funds your lifestyle, you can do so. You don't need to try and justify your acceptance of his lack of respect for you and your willingness to accept it to keep that financial support. Just don't kid yourself for one second that your daughters will not know. Even if they don't know specifics, they will be influenced/affected at some point 🤷‍♀️

This was what I wanted to say, and it has been put so much more eloquently than I am capable of.

Only you can decide if you want to stay with someone who you know will cheat on you.

Yeah and as someone else pointed out he probably only came clean about it because a close friend witnessed it, it was probably a "you tell her or I will" type of a situation for him. I'd bet money he's cheated more than the 2 OP knows about

Why are you being so laid back about a husband's infidelity, it's awful the ways he's treating you.

OP I think you need therapy for yourself, Im not sure how you can have a belief that the marriage can be salvaged despite all of his infidelity, you are making excuses for him. You need to take a step back and get help to see more clearly.

i was thinking the same, i wonder if she would stay if he was on minimum wage

so its not the 1st time he has cheated......then i doubt very much it will be the last, if you forgive him AGAIN, he's going to carry on regardless because he knows you'll forgive him, once a cheat always a cheat.

Be honest, it's the money, isn't it, which is making you consider not kicking his butt out of the door 🤔

Stay in touch, OP. I think we’re all pretty confident how this will turn out but I hope we’re all wrong.

Also regarding people telling kids that one of their parents cheated - this happens all the time.

I know one occasion where the wife's sister hated her ex BIL so much she did it to spite him and turn the kids against him. And another where another girl (teenager) from school told them because she heard her parents talking about it (family friends).

Wow. First time I've seen "not being able to open up emotionally" and "falling into other women's vaginas with his penis" compared as equal personality flaws.

Good luck - you'll need it.

So what you're saying, he is a serial cheat and you keep hoping this is going to change?

You're naive and you deserve better. It's better to be lonely and independent, than to be satisfied and walked over.

I have no advice for you OP but he seems to have a thing for younger women and that is how you got him in the first place so I guess he does not see any problem with his behaviour.

OP... Everyone will have diffent opinions but the only one that really matters is yours. There will always be someone who thinks you're doing the wrong thing. It's your life and you should do what makes you happy. It sounds like you love him and want to forgive him.

Sadly I have to agree with this, this was about him being caught, not about feeling bad about it. I'm sure there will have been others and he's not been caught out.

For your own mental and quite literally physical health, walk away with your head held high.

He will 100% cheat on you again. But you might be okay with that and you appear to have decided that it's almost inevitable because of his personality.
I suspect he's done it many times and you only found out this time becuase your mutual friend guessed.

To add some perspective...My DH is a similar age to yours and I'm younger ( only 10 years so not the same age gap you have). My DH is good looking and in great shape. He looks much younger than his age and is very charming and chatty. He also works in a female dominated profession.
He has never cheated on me.

I think the biggest issue here is that you seem to think that the ball is in your court. It’s very much not. You aren’t financially secure and are with a man who has proven himself unable to be faithful and who has a track record of leaving a current partner for someone else.

You will be replaced in the future. You need to think about how you’re going to look after yourself when that happens.

I understand your reasons for wanting to stay with him, especially the financial implications, but look at your daughters and ask how you'd react if their partner had had 2 affairs/flings?

Once is a mistake. After that, it's a choice.

If you're choosing to stay with DH then that's your choice but you shouldn't have to put rules and implications in place when, ultimately, the one rule is don't f*ck around. It's not difficult to not have sex with someone.

I know a man who is chronically unfaithful to his wife, but dedicated to being a good husband and father.

Huh? How on earth can someone who is "chronically unfaithful" be dedicated to being a good husband?!?!? 😂

As you've decided to stay sadly I think it's a matter of time before he leaves for a 20 something. Your daughter's may be running their own home, even have DC and he'll rock up in his sports car with a woman the same age. You need to start saving for a little nestegg, go to Uni or start a career so that you can support yourself when needed, even if he doesn't leave, it's always good to have savings. Do you have a pension?

you are naive to think your daughters will never know and that he wont do it again he only told you because of the mutual friend

but you like your life so carry on

Personally, I think OP is bonkers.

The moment you met him as the OW, he did not respect you. And this has carried its way throughout your relationship.

He cheated on you 10 years ago, and again recently. And these are the times you know about. There could be other times he has not made you aware of.

He doesnt respect you or your marriage. He doesnt love his children as much as you think he does if he disrespects their mother and puts his family at risk of breaking up.

Unfortunately, I think at this stage, because he has already been let away with this a few times, he will just do it again in the future.

Its up to you on whether you want to spend the rest of your life with a husband who has affairs.

Personally, I would break up, but stay amicable and co parent your children together.

you might never tell them, but they might still find out, especially if he ever does it again. A vindictive ex with an ax to grind might send a message. I feel like you see this kind of thing often enough on mumsnet. But tbh as they get older, they won’t be blind. I remember my friend snooped on her dads phone when we were teenagers because she had a vibe things were off with her parents. She found confusing messages to a younger colleague. People have instincts, other people gossip. Also, one day you might not feel like protecting his image any more. You might feel like telling people about him, if he does it again. Which he might.

It's never a problem when a woman posts about shagging a younger man, affair or not.

Most people wouldn't stay but it's up to you what you do.

Just be realistic in terms of what you are putting up with.

1. lack of trust- you can't trust him anymore
2. lack of certainty- you only know what you know, there may be other woman too
3. potential half siblings for your children- rich, charismatic, older man- I predict an unexpected pregnancy in his future (it happens so often)
4. the heightened risk that he leaves you when suits him (I always think it's better do it first on your own terms).

Totally your call but try take offthe rose tinted glasses & see it for what it is, not what you wish it was.

You’re making a hell of a lot of excuses for him considering he’s cheated on you multiple times…