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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To cut off a male friend for insisting I invite my estranged dad to my wedding?

85 replies

ThatCarmineHeron · 23/06/2025 17:32

I’ve been NC with my family for 5 years. The estrangement is intentional, necessary and not up for debate.

A male friend has repeatedly insisted I invite my dad, who’s still married to my mum, to my wedding. He’s said things like “culturally it’s wrong/as the eldest you have a duty/your partner’s family will judge you/people will wonder what kind of wife you’ll be if you could cut off your family/a real man would want to meet your father before marrying you.”

He even said he wouldn’t stay with a woman who’d cut off her dad/family. I’ve made it clear that my decision isn’t up for negotiation but he keeps pushing. I find it deeply invalidating and honestly offensive.

AIBU to cut him off completely for this?

OP posts:

Original poster

ThatCarmineHeron · 23/06/2025 17:41

Lottapianos · 23/06/2025 17:35

'I’ve made it clear that my decision isn’t up for negotiation but he keeps pushing. I find it deeply invalidating and honestly offensive.'

I don't blame you one bit. He can have his opinion but it's none of his business and he needs to stop harassing you about this. Is he usually this overbearing?

Respect from me for making what I know to be a very painful and complex decision re your family. I hope you're healing well x

Thank you, really appreciate this. It has been a painful decision but one I stand by fully. And yes, the overbearing dynamic is starting to feel like a pattern. I’ve given him enough chances to stop pushing, I think I needed to hear that this isn’t just me being sensitive.

OP posts:

PeapodMcgee · 23/06/2025 17:40

Little weasel. Who does he think he is?!

HiRen · 23/06/2025 17:39

He doesn’t sound like a friend! And no friend of mine would dare try to tell me what to do or how to behave. What difference does it make to your life whether he’d want a wife who’s cut off her dad? He’s not the one you’re getting married to.

He’s the billionth man on this planet who’s trying to make a woman do what he, a man, thinks she should be doing. You’re an affront to him and his understanding of the world. You’re not obliged to live by his world view. You’re free to live however you want to live.

2025ismybestyear · 23/06/2025 17:39

People don't understand when they've not been through crap. They push you as they are thinking of it from their point of view. They worry what people will think of them as your friend. Stick to your guns.

My mum told my grandmother/birth dad's mum she'd kill herself if I didn't invite her to my wedding. I didn't invite her.

She's not dead.

AgnesX · 23/06/2025 17:38

What's it got to do with him. If he's a family member that you don't want to upset then change the subject every time it comes up and be really firm.

If you're not that bothered show him where the door is every time. Your wedding, your choice.

fluffiphlox · 23/06/2025 17:37

Tell him to mind his own business.

OhBumBags · 23/06/2025 17:36

Not sure what being male has to do with it?

It sounds more like culture comes into play rather than a penis.

But ultimately you can cut your friends off for any reason and he does sound annoying to be fair.

AbzMoz · 23/06/2025 17:35

You have your reasons and the full story isn’t up for debate. It’s your wedding. Presumably your betrothed is aware of the guest list and supportive of your conclusions?

then why is this other person chipping in? What do they want to gain other than upsetting you?

a quite large portion of my family was not invited to my own wedding. Anyone who decided to query my decision was told in no uncertain terms that they had their own invite but that didn’t come with the right to question the guestlist.