To cut off a male friend for insisting I invite my estranged dad to my wedding?

And I'd be worried he'll ruin the wedding by constantly mentioning it or if he knows them, telling them.

I was terrified in the run up to my wedding the estranged in-laws would gatecrash. All was fine in the end (and my fears were irrational as I didn’t have a pillock like your friend in the mix, but I was worried someone didn’t know the situation and might casually mention like “oh what are you wearing to the wedding to them?” to them etc), but you don’t need that stress over your head.

This guy is a royal piece of shit. I’d get incredibly blunt with him. Don’t explain what happened with your dad. Give your friend no oxygen to argue with. You just say:

shut it, Nige. Ya dick! This isn’t up for discussion. Try to gaslight or convince me or even mention my dad one more time me this friendship is over. You are unacceptable.

I had one guest ask me why ILs weren’t invited and a splash of “oh but they’re the ppppppparents!”, and I said “it’s not happening. End of.” and it was never mentioned again. That guest was a childhood friend of DH’s and he read a blessing in the ceremony. So, that’s my barometer for the weird shit your friend is doing

He is completely overstepping.

I personally would cut him off.

I am estranged from my mother and all her family and there are very good reasons for that.

Anyone who tried to 'tell me off' and criticise me for it would be out of my life in an instant.

It sounds like sexism/misogyny also play a part in his behaviour so that's one more reason not to have that negative influence in your life.

You realise that he has absolutely no respect for you? Or your husband-to-be, because you don't conform to regressive gender stereotypes.

I'd be rescinding his wedding invite.

All that matters is that you've had the discussion with your fiancé explaining why you are NC with your family and he/she supports you. If your friend knows the details, but still pushes tell him "enough" because he's now over stepping. If it continues, on this topic or in others, then obviously you need to distance yourself in whatever way you need.

I would be reminding him you have no problem going NC with family, and would be happy to apply the same to a friend.

I think you are at the point where you have to spell it out to him that its your decision, its not up for debate and his persistence is upsetting/pissing you off. If he cant get on board with your choices he is free not to attend.

If your friend is invited to your wedding, I think I would consider withdrawing his invitation. He is showing you and your DP no respect whatsoever.

I would tell him look Nigel once and for all it’s not up for debate. I am not interested in what you have to say, you know nothing about why this decision has been reached you just have to accept it’s my decision and I am not changing my mind. Please stop now. If you feel you can’t then I fully understand why you will be refusing the invite to my wedding

Ghost him. Or at least go low contact. What right has he to say these things? Dickhead.

He doesn’t respect you. He isn’t your friend.

If you don't cut him off (I would, for assuming he knows better for me than I do), next time he says anything just really enthusiastically thank him for offering to pay to accommodate your enormous family.

When he says he's not paying for your wedding, tell him to butt out then.

Is he referring to any particular culture or just some vague concept of the word? Seems an odd way to frame it!

But yeah he sounds intrusive and a bit of a dick.

Got the T shirt, OP.

I don’t want to panic you, but is there any chance your “friend” tells your parent the venue and details? I mean, after the videographer thread, god knows what someone do under their definition of care and concern

@ThatCarmineHeron I would question your friend regarding his very male hierarchy thoughts!! do womens' feelings not merit attention???

Why does he have any say in who is at your wedding?

If you want to keep the friendship you have a choice of telling him firming you do not wish to discuss it again or you brush it back each time ‘your father should be at the wedding’ you reply invite him to yours

Are you the same culture as him? Just asking as that might give his argument more leverage. If you’re not it’s easy to shrug off. Either way, well done for sticking to your guns.

I speak from experience when I say this. It's a very painful choice to cut off family. It's not done lightly and it's not done without a long history of completely unacceptable behaviour from said family. What concerns me about your friend's attitude is he's minimising your feelings in all of this and trying to railroad you into something you don't want to do on your wedding day. Instead of having your back, he seems to be considerably more invested in the feelings of the other parties. I'd be questioning where his loyalties lie. I'd tell him one final time that your decision is final and if he doesn't feel comfortable with that then both you and your future spouse will understand if he doesn't wish to attend the wedding. It will be interesting to see what choice he makes.

A man, therefore in his mind he has the authority to tell op as a female ( beneath him ) how she should be behaving.

He isn't and hasn't ever been a friend op, he doesn't even like women, or think of them as equals, he has insulted yourself and your soon to be husband, I would rescind his invitation to your wedding.

Who does he think he is?