To cut off a male friend for insisting I invite my estranged dad to my wedding?

“A real man would understand why I’ve gone NC. Mine does. Don’t bring it up again.”

You're not allowed to use "they" in it's grammatically correct way anymore, had you forgotten? It not longer means "person over there I don't know" or "group of people" or "person of unspecified sex" (actually I suppose it could mean that one).

Language and grammar means nothing anymore in this new woke world.

Are you joking it’s perfectly acceptable terminology.

It just isn't his business whether you invite your dad or not. It's that simple. Being your friend doesn't entitle him to intrude in your business - he should respect your own choices in your own life.

He has completely soured his attendance IMO.
His ego and misogyny may well make him feel he knows best and he leaks the details, or he just may not be able to resist raising it again on the day , causing you upset.

I wouldn't invite him.
I wouldn't trust his arrogance not to spoil the day one way or another

Fundamentally, he does not respect you.
If this was a girlfriend, she would be cut loose by many.

Watch your boundaries OP, you really shouldn't be tolerating this at all.

Ask him 'Who died and left you in charge '?

Anyone who thought they had the right to insist anything about my wedding would be told to right off.

Since he cant grasp the fact hes not actually in charge then yes, he needs booting.

Couldn’t have said it better myself.
cut him off too

His culture doesn’t over ride yours. I’d be inclined to respond with ‘culturally, you’re being outrageously rude and overstepping boundaries. I’ve told you that it’s not up for discussion, so you either accept it and stop now, or our friendship is over’.

I’d be very cautious about him attempting to force your hand by contacting your family himself.

Your "friend" thinks he's the boss of you and is trying really hard to control you and get you to adhere to cultural norms that aren't yours. He's also very sexist.

Uninvite him and block. It sounds like the friendship is over.

Oh so now he thinks he’s a relationship expert. I’d tell him to fuck off OP. He doesn’t respect your opinions or boundaries, he doesn’t see you as a friend just a silly woman to be directed.

He sounds like an arse and no, I don't think you should continue being friends with him. I'd tell him to fuck right off!

Sounds like he’s used to women doing as he (& all men) says and cannot handle the fact that you are standing up for yourself - and quite rightly so! Well done btw, I know that’s a very difficult decision to make.

Why are you saying “they” when OP has said he is a male friend?

I wouldn't be happy with a friend (of either sex) trying to railroad me like that.

I wonder what his issue is? Is he a golden child of a narc parent? That he doesn't even realise?

Either way, it seems healthier to cut him off.

I think Nigel needs to be an ex-friend. He’s riding roughshod over your boundaries and being damn rude about your financé into the bargain.

True friends back you to the hilt, don’t expect explanations and only want the best for you, they don’t try and impose their unwanted opinions on you concerning a topic that literally has nothing to do with them.

Nigel wouldn’t be coming to my wedding with an attitude like that and I would seriously be considering if my life might just be better off without him in it.

Cut off this weird bellend

Well done for standing your ground, and congratulations x

If it was me, I would end this friendship as I couldn't personally be friends with a misogynist, and this guy is very clearly misogynist. Best of luck, OP. I hope your wedding goes well and that you have a long and happy marriage, with as few toxic people in your life as possible. ❤️

Bin him off! How can Nigel honestly sit there in the service and smile and suppprt the marriage like a good guest when he’s really up in arms about you and your dad?

Im being ironic-not-ironic, but…good vibes only.

I don't think you are melodramatic. I would be deeply offended that a "friend" repeatedly tried to dictate to me who I should invite to my wedding. His views may be cultural but he seems to be putting male importance in the culture ahead of the wishes and feelings of his friend/ the person getting married.

I would be thinking very carefully if I wanted him at my wedding at all.

Not quite the same thing but when my friend got married her husband didn't invite his father who had been largely absent by choice most of his life. His aunt (the father's sister) has stated in touch and was invited. Before the wedding she kept hectoring for groom to invite his father. There was no indication that the father was remotely interested. He said no, the wedding went ahead. During the evening reception the aunt was rather worse for drink and took the groom aside to lecture him about his "wrong" decision. Bride went over to try and calm things and aunt turned to full on shouting and crying and was then told to leave by bride's parents. It was bloody awful. I'm not suggesting your friend will behave as badly as that but if you think he'll continue "telling you off" on the day maybe you won't want to risk that spoiling things.

Just rip the piss out of him. “Hey, it’s another repeat of Ollie’s Unsolicited Opinions! Hey Dave, everyone, gather round, you know you can’t hear this bullshit too many times”. That should get rid of him.

Agree - and I get this feeling that if the OP, for experiment’s sake, told the friend that the dad tried to kill her and her childhood pet or something else just awful (or actually the truth, whatever that may be), the friend still wouldn’t budge and would downplay any trauma with the oft-spouted “but he’s your daaaaaad. You only have one”

Have the invites already gone out? If not, do you want this guy as part of your wedding? Is he also friends with your soon to be DH?

I think I would be uninviting him to the wedding. The fact that he doesn't even know why you are no contact yet is still pressuring you is insane. He has no idea what you have been through, what your reasons were and how much you struggled with the decision. Yet despite his lack of insight he thinks he is right and is trying to force his opinion onto you on what is going to be one of the most important days of your life.