My neighbour allows kids to play at her house

Ive got a 12 year old and nearly 11 year old DDs and I know full well how important an evening and bedtime routine is for a calm and peaceful household.

However sometimes it was just lovely to be that lay back parent and just let the kids be kids play outside in the evenings with other little ones in our/friends garden, having an absolute blast with ice cream around their mouths lol! Everyone was so happy and so relaxed being in company of others.

It is one my favourite summertime memories when my girls were little and I wish I can relive it again. Maybe just allow them to have an evening without your little routine especially on Friday night where you dont have to worry about creche etc etc

You don’t have to change your routine.

But she also doesn’t have to change hers.

Either compromise and allow your kids some days and not others or don’t allow them - but that’s your job as their parent to parent that not hers to change her day to save you the bother.

Or "my neighbour lets local children into her garden to play with her 5 year old while she supervises" nowt wrong with that

This is strictly a you problem. There are kids playing out at a reasonable time to play out. If you don't want your kids to join them fine, but that's entirely your issue.

You can't guarantee anything of the sort. And the bath/bedtime routine might be 'nice', but wouldn't it also be 'nice' for your children to be able to play out some days? Especially as they clearly want to. Are you sure you're not putting your own convenience above their enjoyment of the summer, because it sure as heck sounds like it to me.

The thing is, it annoys you because it’s not your thing and it doesn’t work for you. That doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing or that there’s something inherently wrong with it. Being annoyed is a waste of energy. It’s not something you can change or control , and neither should you be able to. So you need to either accept it, work around it or give in every now and then (maybe at the weekends?).

Did you not secretly curse the icecream man though?

No, I secretly cursed parenthood.

Then again my kids are adults now and I still secretly curse it 😁

It's what we sign up for when we decide to have them.

OP you seem to have missed whole chapters of the parenting manual

it’s approaching summer break. Please let your dc stay up longer. As it is now, you can use this set up as an amazing parenting opportunity. Let them play but tell them they get half an hour and you expect them to come in when called. When you collect them, be smiley, ask them if they’ve had a good time. Then tell them it’s been half an hour and it’s time to come in. if they kick off tell them they will only be allowed to play another time if they respect the cut off time and come home without kicking off. If they still kick off then deal with it this time then next time they want to play say no and remind them that last time they didn’t come nicely when called. They may not join in today. Maybe tomorrow or the next day.

Then next time before they play remind them it’s 30 mins and that they will only be able to join if they come home without kicking off. You repeat this until they get the connection. It can take time and they’ll get it wrong many times and kick off. Then kick off when you say no they can’t play because last time they didn’t come home nicely when asked. But eventually they learn. This will repay itself in truckloads over the years.

teaching/parenting takes time and patience and many many failed events. But that’s how we teach them.

When my sgd finished kinder, the children all made wishes for their friends and the main wish was for them always to have lots of friends.

I wish I had your neighbour @Eolhc1990, she sounds lovely !

Well now the evenings are so warm it would be nice to let them play out a bit? Set up a deck chair out the front with a cuppa tea/glass of wine & relax while they play? I do remember how tight those after work/school/childcare etc can be though - its a lot for you.

regardless you need to get on top of the pestering - I used the "asked & answered" approch quite effectively with my 2. If you hold your ground it can be very effective.

"Mum can we XYZ?"

• No

• Asked & answered (remain completely neutral)

• Asked & answered (remain completely neutral)

• Asked & answered 3 times and I will get cross if you ask again.

We visited family we don't see very often recently. My (now teen) DD's were quick to come and report how their "annoying younger cousin" was told no, and she kept pestering and pestering and then her mum gave in. So niece knows if she wants something to keep asking and eventually she will wear her mum/nana down and she will get what she wants. My 2 were 😮 not just with niece asking 125 times and being very annoying, but with her mum/grandmother giving in. DD's saw clearly how mum/nana's inconsistancy created very annoying behaviour in the child. They were both happy to report to me that my "asked & answered" approach was brilliant and helped them grow up to not be pestering brats 😁 They actually thanked me for my constant clarity & consistancy - YES for the long game parenting win.

No I wouldn't, I'd be thankful for such lovely people on my street. I'd be confident in my own parenting that if I said "not tonight" my kids would listen. I'd try to let them play out some nights to build friendships on the road.

and I'm not changing it so that they can get all hyper with the other kids before bed.

aside from your young children! 😆

Mn - there's no village anymore, kids don't play out, being a parent is so isolating

Also MN - I live in a safe friendly street where kids play out and neighbours enjoy hosting them... IT'S A NIGHTMARE

Anyone accused the mum of meeting a Disney mum like that Dad who had the audacity to put his daughter up on his shoulders yet?

No.

This is a non isuue. Say no to your kids, or do something like buy some ice creams for the freezer so they’re more interested in staying home, or put some different toys in the garden. or set boundaries around them going.

Don’t presume to know what anyone else would think.

Who is forcing you to change your routine? At 6pm go over and get your kids back into your house. If you can't get your kids to come, work on your parenting, and not expecting the world to revolve around you.

It's going to get a bit tricky as your kids get older if they're going to friends for playdates, but you never let them return the invitation. Might even stop them getting invited.

Who's in charge? You or your kids? 🤔

You don't have to change your routine.

What you have to do is accept that saying no is all part of parenting.

Yes your kids will be upset, maybe your kids will tantrum but again, that's just part of parenting kids.

Mine used to cry if I didn't buy them an ice cream when the van pulled into our street twice a day.

But I never expected the ice cream man to avoid it.

I want to live in your street 😂this sounds great.
I would though, set expecations at the beginning of the day of what is happening at the end of the day. Maybe say that on thursdays only they can play for example. Then every other day, tell them what is happening at the end of the day on their way to nursery/school. If they are good they can play on thursdays if and only if the lady says it is ok.

In the words of Motherland... you just have to be firm with your kid Amanda. 😜