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AIBU?

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Original poster

You do you

31 replies

Tapoopoo · 23/06/2025 14:27

Is there a more patronising and often judgemental phrase in common use?

"I wouldnt wear it" comes close though.

OP posts:
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BankHolidayMonday · 23/06/2025 22:12

InterIgnis · 23/06/2025 15:36

I don’t think people use ‘you do you’ to appear wise, or indeed to be particularly helpful. Ime experience it’s shorthand for ‘I don’t care what you do’.

Show quote history

I agree

It usually follows a post from a superior poster announcing that they would never give a MCD to their child until they're 18/ give their child a phone/ buy a ready meal.

you do you
is a perfect answer.

MorrisZapp · 23/06/2025 22:10

So you can't be 'breathtakingly rude' by criticising anything, and you can't lightly suggest that you don't like or agree with something whilst trying to avoid hurt or conflict.

I wonder how some mumsnetters ever leave the house.

LettingyougoMovingOn · 23/06/2025 22:05

No offence but (insert massively offensive statement)
With all due respect (insert disrespectful statement)
I'm not racist but (insert racist statement)

nomas · 23/06/2025 22:02

You do you, are you on glue, etc are the last few acceptable quasi-ad homs allowed on MN that won't get you deleted, hence their overuse.

Tessiebear2023 · 23/06/2025 22:00

It's the modern day equivalent of saying "with all due respect"

I hate it.

FlyingontheGround · 23/06/2025 21:59

Aaarrrgh, I hate ‘you do you’. A close relative who I love dearly says it to me when they don’t want to contradict me but they also don’t agree with me, it’s usually over something ridiculous as well!

Changes100 · 23/06/2025 21:53

I must say @Endofyear I with agree with you : I quite like You do you.

I'd not heard the expression until I joined MN and I've actually found it really useful for closing down a spat with other posters which I occasionally have been known to get into . It hopefully ends the disagreement but nobody has to back down.

Endofyear · 23/06/2025 19:34

I quite like you do you - it's concise! Having reached my mid 50s and menopause, I've been embracing letting go of the mental load of trying to keep everyone happy (husband, kids, extended family) and telling myself I'm not responsible for everyone's moods - now when DH is grumpy or sighing or cursing over work stress etc, I take myself off and leave him to it. Life gets much easier once you realise that people will do what they want and you can't influence it - now I only feel responsible for my own equilibrium and it's very freeing!

Swiftie1878 · 23/06/2025 18:04

Not patronising - just recognising that everyone is different!

Owt · 23/06/2025 18:04

People don’t even do glue anymore. It’s spice now.

yakkity · 23/06/2025 18:02

DeSoleil · 23/06/2025 15:33

‘You do you’ is on a par with ‘this too shall pass’.

Trite messages posted by people with nothing constructive to say, who then sit back feeling smug that they alone have helped the op with their tremendous words of wisdom.

Oh no I love this too shall pass. I use it to myself when I’m going through tough times. It really helps me remember that this will indeed pass (most of the time)

greencartbluecart · 23/06/2025 16:59

What the fuck are people allowed to say when pushed for opinions they know are not wanted ? Lie? Why?

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 23/06/2025 16:57

Piemam · 23/06/2025 16:53

You crack on. Crack the fuck on. Annoying Love Island fan-speak. Gah!

Ooooh, what annoys me off Love Island is when they talk about 'lipsing!' Meaning they kissed. Just say you kissed FFS!

You do you is annoying though yes @Tapoopoo

Piemam · 23/06/2025 16:53

You crack on. Crack the fuck on. Annoying Love Island fan-speak. Gah!

whitewineandsun · 23/06/2025 16:02

It's your life.

tammienorrie · 23/06/2025 15:59

Each to their own.

it means, in a very massive aggressive way, that I am judging you to high heaven but too polite to say so.

Sharptonguedwoman · 23/06/2025 15:56

Redheadedstepchild · 23/06/2025 15:19

@JumpingDizzy Another one is, "Set youself on fire to keep so and such warm." Never heard that IRL.

Although I quite like it and find it rather useful, in its own way.

I have actually used that 'You shouldn't set yourself on fire ' phrase to a friend who was running herself ragged looking after her husband who had Alzheimers.

Redheadedstepchild · 23/06/2025 15:52

Of course, it depends who's saying it and in what context. They may be struggling to find the right thing to say, just like the only appropriate phrase in polite society that we have found for the bereaved is, "Sorry for your loss."

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 23/06/2025 15:39

It's even better when it's said

You do you, Boo.

InterIgnis · 23/06/2025 15:36

DeSoleil · 23/06/2025 15:33

‘You do you’ is on a par with ‘this too shall pass’.

Trite messages posted by people with nothing constructive to say, who then sit back feeling smug that they alone have helped the op with their tremendous words of wisdom.

I don’t think people use ‘you do you’ to appear wise, or indeed to be particularly helpful. Ime experience it’s shorthand for ‘I don’t care what you do’.

DeSoleil · 23/06/2025 15:33

‘You do you’ is on a par with ‘this too shall pass’.

Trite messages posted by people with nothing constructive to say, who then sit back feeling smug that they alone have helped the op with their tremendous words of wisdom.

JumpingDizzy · 23/06/2025 15:30

Redheadedstepchild · 23/06/2025 15:19

@JumpingDizzy Another one is, "Set youself on fire to keep so and such warm." Never heard that IRL.

Although I quite like it and find it rather useful, in its own way.

Never heard that one.

Redheadedstepchild · 23/06/2025 15:19

@JumpingDizzy Another one is, "Set youself on fire to keep so and such warm." Never heard that IRL.

Although I quite like it and find it rather useful, in its own way.

JumpingDizzy · 23/06/2025 15:14

Myblueclematis · 23/06/2025 15:07

In real life I have never, ever heard anyone say the following, only on here.

Not my monkeys, not my circus
or You do You
or Are you on glue

I need to get out more I guess

I've heard the first 2 a lot. A good friend heard the monkey one for the first time a couple of years ago and uses it a lot now. I was amazed she'd never heard it. She loves it.

Redheadedstepchild · 23/06/2025 15:11

yakkity · 23/06/2025 15:06

I don’t think it’s always pass agg. Or patronising. I have had people ask me if I like/would do/agree with something and I’ve said ‘no. But hey if you do, you do you. I’m not the authority on what’s good or bad. I don’t want to do it/like it but you have every right to’

thats not judgemental or pass agg. It’s acknowledging that it’s totally ok for people to choose differently.

But you follow it up with other statements and try to be calm and reasoned. That's the difference.

It's not just, "You do you."

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