Bridesmaid got engaged on my wedding day...

Everybody is blithely saying get over it, you're being weird, but they have never been in this situation. I think it is totally natural to find that whole weekend upsetting, your friends off enjoying a holiday when it should have been your wedding, then a proposal. Yes I'd struggle with it. Put in black and white that might make me sound a bit of a tit, but you're only human. I don't think your bridesmaid is in the wrong at all, but I think it's bloody insensitive of her fiance. He should find a mountain somewhere when he got home. There must be alternatives, because if you had had your wedding he wouldn't have proposed that weekend. YANBU at all it's raw, it hurts, completely understandable, I really feel for you.

Ouch! The replies are shocking. To cancel a wedding is shit, you’re going to feel such strong emotions on that day, I’m surprised they didn’t think about that. I don’t understand why they couldn’t have done it the day before or the day after out of courtesy. You’re right to feel hurt

I do get how you feel op but your friend wouldn’t have known she was getting proposed to.

id also think the bf wouldn’t think about the date.

you’re totally within your right to find it weird but nothing to do with friend or bf.

Blunt sorry. You can be upset obviously but she didn't do anything wrong imo.

She's not your bridesmaid if the wedding is off (plus she's a person in her own right anyway), and she got engaged on a weekend away. It also wasn't your wedding day.

I agree, but then real life is a really shitty place too!

Move past what exactly, you don’t say what? It will be just another day for you anytime soon I really hope so that you move past the pain.

Instead see it as a great day - your great escape from a nightmare and the day your BF got engaged!

Wish you the best OP

I don't think anyone is insensitive. They paid lots of money to go. Good for them that they didn't waste it. Boyfriend must have planned this for a while, probably not on the wedding day. But now they were in a beautiful place, they enjoyed, there was no wedding and the bride was not there to feel offended that the attention was stolen from her. For him was a moment in time one of the biggest one and he felt this is the time. They just want to be happy. So why not? Life is too short.

Who are you blaming for being insensitive? Your friend for telling you? Your friend for saying yes? Her fiancé for proposing that day? You are still hurting from having to cancel your wedding but well done for having the courage. Pull yourself together again and be happy for your friend, be glad that they have managed to make something good out of a sad time.

Your ex is just a cheating loser. Last Saturday is just the day when your friend got engaged. That beach in Italy is just a nice spot for a photo.

It's awkward, but long term the date of someone else's engagement doesn't tend to have much effect on other people.

Long term the date will lose significance to you as life moves on and other events become more important to you.

It's a sore point now, but don't let it be a long term issue between you.

I think your friend should have been ringing you on Saturday to see how you were doing. It's totally understandable that you'd have a lot of emotions. It's lovely that sh got engaged but he really could have done it a different day. Just think it's not her fault..just another idiot man. Congratulate her and apologize for being an arse and hopefully if shes a good friend you can talk it all through and be sad and happy at the same time.

Gosh, what is wrong with many of these responses! Your bridesmaid got engaged at your wedding destination on what would have been your wedding day and then called you to let you know! It's not her fault that her BF proposed. However it is highly tactless and unbelievably insensitive for her to tell you. All your friends, but esp your bridesmaids, should have had you in the forefront of their minds on your 'wedding day'. Personally i would be extremely hurt and I'm not sure that i would just get over it.

This!!!

i really hope the ppl commenting are not this crap In real life

I think had this happened me in my 20s, I'd have been hurt, but now in my 30s I'd be happy that the date and locstion had become something to celebrate rather than something to mourn.

Try to remind yourself:
This is a very happy time for her.
The date now has a positive memory for you.
It's not her fault, she didn't propose.

God MN is a really shitty place.
op ignore the harsh comments. You are allowed to be upset because it’s very insensitive and really for the context of them being in Italy when you were meant to be getting married I think they should have been more aware.
it’s hurtful.

But it's not your wedding day, you did not get married.
The boyfriend proposed to her, how is she to blame for any of it? The boyfriend likely didn't do it on purpose. They're on holiday, not at your wedding, so he probably didn't even think.
Your best friend was just excited when she called.

I'm really truly shocked by some of these responses, the world really is full of nasty spirited people. OP I don't think you're being selfish at all, you have every right to feel sad about it and any of these people would feel differently if it were them in this position. 4 months is nothing to get over someone you were meant to be marrying. Yanbu to feel sad about it and I think if your bridesmaid is a true friend she'll understand that! Hope you feel better soon and can move on with your life!

I get it! It was such an emotional day for you, you probably were imagining how it could’ve been all throughout the day. But her boyfriend just wanted to take advantage of the beautiful setting to make it special for your friend. I’d explain to friend that you’re so happy for her, but that it was just a very tough day for you.

It's not her fault your ex cheated on you, and her boyfriend can propose on whatever day he likes. As the poll says, YABU.
Put it behind you and be glad you did not marry this man.

The lack of empathy here is absolutely astounding to me. I don't believe for one minute OP is thinking her friend shouldn't have got engaged or that she is not happy for her. Neither do I believe that OP is claiming this weekend belongs to her. However, c'mon now, she was supposed to be getting married and have one of the happiest days of her life, of course that is extremely painful and her friend then getting engaged on that day is only going to rub salt in the wounds, whether intentional or not. That particular weekend would have undoubtedly been extremely hard for OP and if I was her friend, I would've been calling to check in on her, not announcing my own engagement. Not saying she shouldn't have got engaged, but she could at the very least waited a bit to tell OP.

This thread is insane.

OP your friend doesn’t sound like much of a friend. I’m sorry about your fiancé and wedding

xxxx

Unless it was your ex who asked her I don't get it, sorry.

I think it is insensitive & weird! There’s clearly no tact on the bridesmaids part & I’m surprised so many are saying the OP is BU. I actually think it’s typical MNetters pretending they’re better than the OP & would be totally impervious to feeling anything if it was in fact them in this situation. Yes it was the Boyf of the BM that was insensitive but also the BM could have been conscious of that and broken the news to OP with some empathy.

You’re being completely unreasonable and I think it’s pretty shitty of you to say that. Sorry

I think you’re being unreasonable. I would guess they’ve paid to go there, so why wouldn’t they treat it as a normal vacation? I think they didn’t do any wrong, plus it’s not your wedding anymore.