Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bridesmaid got engaged on my wedding day...

632 replies

Doghouse1g1 · 23/06/2025 11:40

Girls I really need some advice..
I had to cancel my wedding 4 months ago due to my partner cheating with numerous women.
My wedding should have been Saturday just gone in Italy. Some of the wedding party decided to go ahead with the weekend anyway as it was all booked and paid for (flights, air bnbs etc) which I was fine with as they has paid a big expense to attend.
My best friend (and bridesmaid) was one of these guests and she contacted me via Facetime yesterday to tell me her boyfriend proposed on Saturday (which should have been my wedding day) on the beach in Italy 🙈
I was absolutely gobsmacked and replied saying I was pleased for her but I needed time to process the news and ended the call.
I am happy for her but I do feel it's totally insensitive and I'm in total shock. How do I move past this?

OP posts:
Coffeeishot · 23/06/2025 12:10

I agree with pp she didn't have to face time you and I really think they could have been a bit more sensitive to you, it is done now try and not dwell on it.

BodenCardiganNot · 23/06/2025 12:10

Yes - your thread title does not reflect what actually happened.

Hobnobswantshernameback · 23/06/2025 12:09

Why does everyone need to "process" everything these days?
why does everything have to have a poncy name and be a "thing"?

Mindymomo · 23/06/2025 12:09

Whatever happened on that particular day will upset you, I can understand why you would feel upset, but they were only there 2 days, so you can’t blame them.

x2boys · 23/06/2025 12:09

If he had proposed on your actual wedding day during the wedding than I would say it would have been highly unreasonable
But it wasent your wedding day and you weren't even there!

scotstars · 23/06/2025 12:08

YABU for the goady title that doesn't reflect what happened

FrenchandSaunders · 23/06/2025 12:08

I'm really surprised at most of these responses.

OP you must have had a really shit weekend, knowing that it should have been your wedding weekend and everyone was out there having a good time - I get why they went, but it still must have stung.

I think your BF was totally insensitive to tell you about it ... it's not her fault her boyfriend chose that weekend to propose but I think she could have been more tactful.

Try not to let it ruin your friendship though ... and thank god you found out about the cheating scum fiance before the big day. It would have been a lot worse if this had come to light afterwards.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 23/06/2025 12:08

Aw isn't that lovely for your friend

and how kind of her to personally let you know the very next day, before you found out from anyone else or read it on her social media.

Eldermileniummam · 23/06/2025 12:07

OP I can understand why you feel the way you do so I think the comments are a bit harsh however her boyfriend proposed so it's not as if she sought out an engagement that weekend. They may not have multiple holidays in a year in which case doing it while they were in Italy makes sense.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 23/06/2025 12:07

outerspacepotato · 23/06/2025 11:58

Not your wedding day.

If you're still so sensitive about it 4 months later, think about having some therapy. You had a lucky escape.

4 months is really not a long time for something so painful tbf

Helpmeplease2025 · 23/06/2025 12:07

It was absolutely shitty of her to tell you on the day.

She didn’t.

LilacReader · 23/06/2025 12:07

ilovesooty · 23/06/2025 12:04

She waited until the next day. Why would she be "quite young"?

Show quote history

Just know I wouldn't have thought of the impact when I was young (many moons ago! 😄)

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 23/06/2025 12:06

Im sorry your fiance turned out to be a bastard but do you think your friends boyfriend should have remembered the date and not proposed to the woman he loves on that date because you might feel sad about it?

or do you think your friend should have said no to his proposal?

Or do you think she should have lied about the date of his proposal for the rest of her life so you never found out?

Meandmyguy · 23/06/2025 12:06

Wow, some of these replies are absolutely heartless.

I feel for you op, I really do.

It was absolutely shitty of her to tell you on the day.

I'm sure 99.9% of the cold posters would feel exactly the same as you.

oishutup · 23/06/2025 12:05

i can understand that you were feeling fragile about the wedding, and this just seemed to rub it in your face.

Hopefully in time you can be happy for your friend, but you didn’t ask for any of this and it’s understandable that it’s upset you.

luckylavender · 23/06/2025 12:04

You are being weird

OVienna · 23/06/2025 12:04

LilacReader · 23/06/2025 12:03

Whilst I do agree it was NOT your wedding day I do see why you were upset. If they were on holiday for a length of time then I don't know why it couldn't happen/she told you - on another day than the one that held great significance to you.
Just grieve as you need to and possibly remember it wasn't done out of maliciousness but just her being tactless. I'm assuming she's quite young? I hope you feel better soon and that day will be one of celebration that you avoided a huge mistake. Take care x

Edited

This - the logical approach.

ilovesooty · 23/06/2025 12:04

LilacReader · 23/06/2025 12:03

Whilst I do agree it was NOT your wedding day I do see why you were upset. If they were on holiday for a length of time then I don't know why it couldn't happen/she told you - on another day than the one that held great significance to you.
Just grieve as you need to and possibly remember it wasn't done out of maliciousness but just her being tactless. I'm assuming she's quite young? I hope you feel better soon and that day will be one of celebration that you avoided a huge mistake. Take care x

Edited

She waited until the next day. Why would she be "quite young"?

OVienna · 23/06/2025 12:04

Insensitive to say the very least. I'm shocked a friend would do this. What a bird brain.

LilacReader · 23/06/2025 12:03

Whilst I do agree it was NOT your wedding day I do see why you were upset. If they were on holiday for a length of time then I don't know why it couldn't happen/she told you - on another day than the one that held great significance to you.
Just grieve as you need to and possibly remember it wasn't done out of maliciousness but just her being tactless. I'm assuming she's quite young? I hope you feel better soon and that day will be one of celebration that you avoided a huge mistake. Take care x

plantsnpants · 23/06/2025 12:03

you have to see it’s nothing to do with you and be happy for her- at least something good came from your cancelled wedding

stop the pity party (said with kindness) and enjoy this with her

this has not been done to you- you are not the victim, don’t destroy your friendship with your bitterness, enjoy this for her and for yourself

ilovesooty · 23/06/2025 12:02

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 23/06/2025 11:57

She did wait a day to tell her

Show quote history

Exactly. She didn't tell her on the day of the wedding.

SilviaSnuffleBum · 23/06/2025 12:01

YANBU.
Your mate was spectacularly insensitive to have told you when she did/in the manner she did.

fiorentina · 23/06/2025 12:01

I understand. You probably spent the day thinking ‘what if’ and this was then a shock.
I’m a bit sad your friend didn’t do something to distract you in the day, we did when my friends wedding was called off for the same reason, did you not still fancy a mini break?

Helpmeplease2025 · 23/06/2025 11:59

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 23/06/2025 11:57

She did wait a day to tell her

Show quote history

I missed this. OP really is BU, then.