Bridesmaid got engaged on my wedding day...

No I'd have been really upset. Logical me would think, OK I get it they were in a beautiful place, it was no longer the wedding. Maybe he had always planned to propose when they were in Italy anyway.

Emotional me would feel like I had been punched in the gut. What should have been my wedding day was the day my best friend gets engaged.

I would feel awful, but would try to understand that it was very unlikely to have been done with any intention of hurting you.

Hard disagree. She was cheated on 4 months ago by the person she was meant to be spending the rest of her life with. On paper, yes, her friend is well within her rights to get engaged on this holiday. But OP is still hurting and she is not weird.

I don’t know a single other person in real life that would be ok with this! Yes they might be happy for their friend but it’s also bound to hurt.

I can totally see why you might feel a bit upset on a personal level…

that said, I’m not entirely sure what she should have done? Say no? Say ‘ask me tomorrow’? Tell her boyfriend he’s an insensitive idiot and why wasn’t he thinking of her mate?

the fact is the opportunity presented itself and he took it. I don’t blame him honestly. I know you are sad but honestly I’d be really happy for them and think some good came out of what was a terrible weekend

Yes, this. I suspect OP would have also been devastated if she'd be the last to know.

You should be pleased that at least something good came out of the weekend.

I’m sorry your wedding didn’t happen but I don’t think it would have bothered me that my friend got engaged on that day to be honest. I thought you were going to say there was a proposal at your actual wedding. I think I’d be happy something nice did happen on that day.

Your issue is with her fiance not realising he should have (in your eyes) planned his proposal for a different date.
Your mate waited till the next day to tell you, which was kind of her.

Posters saying the friend shouldn't have told OP, how long should she keep her engagement secret for? Or should she have lied about it?

@Helpmeplease2025 oh the day after was it, ah that's grand so. Behave.

Still shitty.

It's shitty for you OP that your boyfriend did this. However try to see the bigger picture. You have a group of friends who were willing to travel abroad for your wedding. They have taken on a considerable financial burden for this for which by the sounds of it they hold no resentment. Yes it maybe wasn't the most considerate thing to do but it sounds like on the whole you have a nice group of friends and in the long run this isn't really going to affect you. Just say congratulations and let them be happy

Another thing .... I've always thought it's a bit weird to propose in a group setting/holiday. It should be a private/personal thing, just the two of you. He's being a cheapskate tagging that onto that weekend 😁... sort your own holiday/proposal out mate.

Astonished at the lack of sympathy for a woman whose fiancé cheated and who had to cancel her wedding. What an awful thing to go through.

I’m sure they didn’t do it to hurt you but your feelings are completely understandable.

Always weird when two mumsnet rules meet each other. A cheated on woman is usually given nothing but empathy but anyone wanting a destination wedding is hounded. Even though the wedding didn’t take place OP is being treated with contempt.

Well I'll just say that I'm glad some of the people on this thread aren't my best mate / bridesmaid. Talk about kicking someone when they're already down.

I am surprised so many people are ademant you are weird. Of course the day that should have been is going to be a sensitive one for you! Asking for some time is fine.

I don't think she was wrong, per se. And I do think your next reaction now should be to make her wedding about her. Pick up the phone, and propose to take her out for drinks to celebrate finding the actually right one.

Nailed it

I would be upset too OP. You can’t change it, of course she should have said yes but you can still be happy for her and sad for you. I totally get it

I thought you meant at your actual wedding reception - I think YABU. Her boyfriend proposed to her while they were on holiday. That’s it

I don't think the issue is that she got engaged on the day you were supposed to get married but the fact she told you excitedly on FaceTime

I agree, is nobody empathetic anymore .

I can see that it is upsetting but that does not mean you are being reasonable

I'm really shocked by some of the comments on here, I can't believe they don't see an issue with this!? At the end of the day, this wasn't your friend booking a holiday to a random destination and getting engaged. Your bridesmaid little went to the destination for your wedding and got engaged on the day that was supposed to be your wedding day. It's ABSOLUTELY insensitive, especially the way she told you!

Fair enough, maybe if it was the only holiday they could afford this year, at least do it on a different day during the time away. And if that did happen, send a text to say hey just want to let you know this happened. No pressure to be excited as I know things have been tough blah blah blah.

I'm so sorry OP, I hope you're ok and please don't be too upset by some of these comments. I guarantee if it was your brother or a male friend who proposed suddenly he'd be the worst.

OP not BU for feeling upset given her connection to the date.

Friend not BU as didn't ask to be proposed to and was understably sharing excited news (no time would've been the right time to share in OP's eyes considering it was her intended wedding destination).

Friend's fiance not BU as presumably isn't close to OP and 4 months have passed since the breakoff so likely it wouldn't have entered his thought (you're on to a loser if you need to be sensitive of her your partners friends life events).

Overall nobody really BU, just a case of shit happening really.

4 months is nothing ... she found out the man she was due to marry and could see her future mapped out with was cheating! Christ it'll take more than that to get over it. Particularly the weekend just gone ... the actual day!

Some heartless pricks on here.

I think you should see it as the date that was once your wedding day has now turned into a positive date for your friend and I think you should be happy for her.

Well it wasn't your wedding day was it?

Be happy for your friend and hope she's got a better man than you had, is my advice.

I was going to say, kindly, but there probably isn't a way to say it kindly. Your ego was big enough that you had friends spend all that money on travelling for your wedding, which didnt happen, and now you think they shouldn't allow anything lovely to happen while they're there?

Obviously what happened was hard for you, but I like to think I'd be thrilled that at least something good had come from it all, easing tjale embarrassment that they'd spent all that money st my request for nothing.