Bridesmaid got engaged on my wedding day...

No but as I mentioned in my comment, he could have picked another day that wasn't meant to be her actual flipping wedding date!
I didn't say it but tbh I think it's a really shitty thing that they went anyway rather than be with op to support her on what no doubt was a difficult day. BUT I get that many things can't be cancelled so close so fair enough but to do it on the day she was supposed to be married, expect her to be happy for them and to tell her the way they did is so insensitive and callous.

I don't think she was insensitive and certainly not deliberately so. People you know will be getting engaged and married, that's life. No doubt you will too in time. You'll get over this. x

Where did OP say it was a destination wedding? Either the ex or her own family could be from Italy.

You're being strange

I'm shocked, SHOCKED, that someone on MN would be such an unempathetic keyboard warrior, who displays levels of bitterness at their own life. SHOCKED

I voted YABU simply because i think the whole dynamic of the holiday has obviously changed. Maybe the BF should have picked another date and location but i suppose he saw the opportunity and took it. Id like to think It wasnt personal.

I do feel for you though. I suppose its like finding out your best friend is pregnant when you've had a pregnancy loss. Its not their fault but of course it hurts x.

Yeah but this wouldn't have entered the fiances mind. Likely he was told 4 months ago that wedding they were goin to later in the year was cancelled but they'll instead turn it into a holiday.

What is a devstating day for OP won't even feature in fiances mind. People suggesting he is being insensitive is a bit silly because he shouldn't be expected to keep that information in the forefront of his mind 4 months on.

As others have suggested he likely saw an opportunity and took it. OP's right to be upset but that doesn't mean others are in the wrong. The OP is the centre of her universe not the centre of other poeple's. Again just an unfortunate case of life sucks sometimes.

Exactly! Couldn't believe it when I saw some of the first responses. Some people truly live on a different planet.
Ps hope you're ok ❤️

all the 'posters have had an empathy bypass' posters.

It isn't about having an empathy bypass, its getting the OP to give her head a wobble.

the ONLY way she is going to get past this is literally to get over it and realise it wasn't her wedding day, that isn't her bridesmaid and she isn't responsible for her BF choosing that day to propose.

What is the point in mollycoddling someone when they're really being unreasonable.

I'm not unsympathetic, i know the OPs feelings were hurt, but sometimes you have to be blunt to make a person realise they're being ridiculous and it isn't about them.

I totally understand you being upset. That day will always be the day you should have got married on. And you’ve been let down and hurt and it all sucks. However, they all went ahead with the holiday and she got engaged. It’s possible she didn’t pay attention to the date, or she didn’t think it mattered. Nobody can truly know how you’re feeling and although one would expect more sensitivity from her, having expectations just leads to more disappointment.
In any case I honestly don’t think it was deliberate. Feel shitty, have a vodka, then be happy for her.

It isn’t her friend’s fault though . Her friend didn’t initiate the proposal. I don’t know why the friend is insensitive? What was she supposed to do? And the OP was going to find out from others pretty quickly and I’m sure she’d be upset if the friend hadn’t called her to give her a heads up. I think the friend was in a really awkward position. It doesn’t negate that the OP has the right to feel a bit personally upset though but just not at her friend.

🙄

No offence meant but its got absolutely nothing to do with you. What is your friend supposed to do, get her diary out and check it didnt conflict with any of her family, friends, people she knows before accepting.

She had a life moment which had zero to do with you. Either be a good friend and congratulate her or you may be left wondering why she is no longer your friend.

Why on earth is this a problem? Surely you should be happy for your friend? You said that she was insensitive but I think you’re the one who has been extremely insensitive from the way you reacted. When your best friend tells you that they’ve got engaged. What sort of a friend tells her that ‘they are pleased for her but need time to process the news’ and then ends the call? That’s a horrible way to respond.

As others have said, her BF probably didn't think about it. So sorry that your ex turned out to be a sleaze but good on your for having the guts to call it off.

I am sorry OP, I see why you feel like that, but let it go for the sake of your friendship. The boyfriend just cluelessly took advantage of a romantic location to propose. Yes he ideally would have done it another day, but probably didn't think of it. Your friend obviously probably wouldn't have picked that day, but couldn't help that her boyfriend did. The only person who has been insensitive really is your ex. I hope you take the time you need to heal and come back even stronger without him, but with the support of your friends.

Wow.

yes! OP is not the weird poster, it’s actually all the people that clearly get a kick out of being awful. They have nothing better to do, clearly.

Even on a thread when someone has had to cancel the wedding due to a cheating partner some MNers can’t help but lecture on their hatred for destination weddings.

Sorry OP, I imagine such a day would be upsetting. No one did anything wrong though. I’d just congratulate your friend and try to move on.

Amen

i disagree. Her friend would no doubt have out it on socials straight away so I think it would have been crueller that the OP found out that way. I admire her friend for having the guts to call her and let her know

I am shocked, SHOCKED, that somebody who wanted a destination wedding would display this level of self-absorption. Shocked I tell you.

What you're feeling is completely valid — that date was always going to carry weight, and it’s okay to feel emotional about it. I get why your friend’s engagement on that day felt like a shock — and maybe she could have been more sensitive in how she shared it — but I also think she told you because you mean a lot to her. It’s okay to need time to process that. There’s room to feel sad and still be happy for her. And maybe one day, you’ll be able to think of that date not just with pain, but with pride — as the day you protected your future. You didn’t lose something; you saved yourself. Choose to be happy.

Yeah I think her bf is the ones who's insensitive cos he's the one who proposed but yeah I do think it's insensitive to propose of the day you were going to get married.

She hasn't done anything wrong really because she didn't initiate it and it would be unreasonable for her to decline or even let it cause drama because being proposed to is a special moment and often a once in a lifetime thing so it's fair enough she would also just want to enjoy that special time.

I think if it was me I would be a bit disappointed that my boyfriend proposed to me on that day because I would be aware of how that would make my friend feel and I would feel awkward about it.

But my main feeling would be happy to have been proposed to and I wouldn't want anything to ruin it so I'd let it go that my boyfriend had been insensitive and bring it up with my friend and say that I think the timing was insensitive and wouldn't have chosen it that way if I had a choice. Or I might have told a white lie about the day it happened to spare your feelings but imo the whole holiday is not an ideal time for proposal because it's too connected to a hurtful situation for you.

It's an awkward one. Think it's fair enough that you are upset by it but also it isn't your friend's fault. I think a good friend would have acknowledged your feelings when telling you but it is a bit of a complicated one and being sensitive isn't some people's strong point.

I think she could have been kinder and more sensitive about it but she obviously wanted to tell you her exciting news. The only person who truly deserves your anger is your ex. Fortunately you escaped him before the actual wedding, but don’t let his behaviour impact on your life even more by upsetting your friendships.