Bridesmaid got engaged on my wedding day...

Honestly I’m shocked by the lack of sympathy- you’re not being weird OP ❤️
I can imagine the whole experience of having to cancel a big wedding was horrendous (on top of your relationship/life being turned on its head). I’m sure you’ve been dreading this day coming, and whilst it’s not her fault that her bf proposed, I’d have expected a little sensitivity to your feelings. It’s not a case of her saying no to the proposal, but she could have maybe waited until the next day to share her news with you, or maybe just acknowledged it was a tricky day for you. Saying this, my advice is to say nothing (to your friend or her fiancé)- it won’t achieve anything except to ruin your friendship. Try to just accept that she didn’t intend to be hurtful, but that she wasn’t thinking of you in the midst of her excitement. Smile, congratulate them both, and in time it won’t hurt as much

True but it comes down to whether you think the Op should be the last to know or not? I say her mate was a good friend to tell her directly, other people disagree. I don’t think there is a right or wrong. I would have wanted to have been told but clearly other people would have preferred to have been kept in the dark.

Ot maybe OP could be a good friend and "let" her "best" friend enjoy the occasion? A horrible thing happened to OP, but nothing friend has done r could do changes that.

They really wouldn’t. The OP is obviously understandably angry and upset and should direct that anger and upset at the person whose multiple infidelities meant she had to cancel her wedding, not someone leading her own separate life and being thoughtful enough to let her know before she found out another way.

OP, I think you need to think a bit more calmly. This friend is not ‘your bridesmaid’ because the wedding didn’t happen. It wasn’t your wedding day, for the same reason. She’s someone you presumably value. You can be happy for her while also being sad and angry about why your wedding was called off. And also proud of yourself that you did call it off.

So you wanted her to say no to the surprise proposal from her partner, because it was your cancelled day? And then what? Ask him to propose again the following day when the magic and excitement had gone?

it must have been a shock to find out your partner cheated on you with so many people. Well done for cancelling your wedding not going through with it. I’m glad your friends were still able to go and not lose their annual leave and money

Some of these responses are actually monstrous. What the hell happened to some of you to make you so harsh and mean?

OP, I'm so sorry you're life and plans were wrecked by a cheating scumbag only four months ago.

Agree with others that the BF was a bit of a tit to use the holiday to propose but I hope you can be happy for them and hold onto the friendship.

But equally, can you imagine the post “my friend was due to get married abroad but her husband cheated so the wedding was called off last minute. She was gutted of course, but all us guests went anyway to have a fun holiday, which the non-bride was OK with. It was an amazing location, really beautiful, and my boyfriend proposed to me on the beach. I know my friend is at home broken hearted but I’m going to face time her and tell her how blissfully happy I am and what a romantic place this is. AIBU?”.

I’m pretty sure in that scenario the OP would be told to have a bit of consideration and not be so selfish.

Is it me and me and more me after what Op went through?

Some posters really like to kick someone while they are down. I don't think they'd speak to a friend or family member that was feeling upset like that. "Get over it".....how callous do you need to be?

I totally understand that this was a weekend where you may be feeling vulnerable. It was meant to be your wedding so of course it was always going to be a strange one. Your friend had no control over when her boyfriend proposed but I do think she's been completely tactless telling you in the way she did. It could have waited until she got back home with a message saying she was engaged without going into details about the day and location. I'm assuming your friend is young because it seems thoughtless but not malicious so I'd hold onto that.

Why don't you send her a message saying that once again you're so pleased for her but you were just a bit caught off guard because it has been a tricky weekend for you. I think a good friend would see they'd been insensitive and would understand your response.

She could have told her parents and they put on social media or some of the other guests (remember quite a few of them took the trip not just the friend and her fiance) loaded it. You can’t keep this sort of thing quiet and I doubt the friend would have wanted to have been telling all the other people to keep it quiet and checking they were keeping to that.

and in any event please don’t forget this was her friend’s engagement. ie a massive deal to her. Why should she wait to announce it to wider friends and family?

I don’t think you’re being weird. I feel really sorry for you. Her bf didn’t need to do it then, it was insensitive of him and she didn’t need to tell you… she could have said it was another day! Am sorry

Very insensitive for her to facetime you with this news, OP.

Well op has a right to process her feelings they way they are naturally occurring to her. It’s hardly a crime to feel bad that friend couldn’t think of her pain. Maybe ‘best’ friend could have waited a week, after telling op in person, to post on SM for the sake for her best friend.

Is best friend 7 that she was so excited to tell op through FaceTime next day.

Unless it was your ex she got engaged to, I fail to see any issue.

Now I've seen it all in the all of me, me and oh me.

Now you're trying to control what other's do. 🫠

You could just be pleased that the day will now have some pleasant association ?

I can’t believe so many people think you’re being unreasonable. Of course she couldn’t control when her boyfriend proposed (although I think his timing was a bit bizarre, proposing on a trip to a wedding that didn’t happen because of a cheating non-husband - not exactly a happy scenario) - but she didn’t have to tell you straight away, or tell you the exact timing of the proposal. If it had been me, I’d have mentioned a few days later that I’d got engaged.

It’s a bit like someone joyfully sending a photo of a positive pregnancy test to a friend on the day the friend had a miscarriage.

But she was away with others who would have been at the wedding, so "everyone" except OP would have known.

Yes, that's an oddly self absorbed way to set things out rather than "I felt bad they'd all wasted their money and glad they could still have a nice holiday".

I understand it would smart, but don't understand why friend and fiancé could be considered to have done anything wrong.

She didn’t have to announce it on social media either though - she could have waited a few days

It’s not a natural reaction in normal circumstances.

Of course it’s your choice to never reconnect or be self aware that the way you broke the news so soon after was insensitive.

Exactly you can just imagine the mumsnet post:

‘my friend got engaged on what should have been my wedding day. She didn’t let me know personally but left me to find out via social media. Am I being unreasonable to be upset that everyone knew before me and she didn’t have the guts to call me? I thought we were very close but I was the last to know!’

you can imagine everyone would be saying how awful the friend was!

Some of the wedding party decided to go ahead with the weekend anyway as it was all booked and paid for (flights, air bnbs etc) which I was fine with as they has paid a big expense to attend.

I think that this might be getting some people's backs up.

This thread really has reminded me what a cesspit MN in general and AIBU specifically is

Get over yourself? When you have to cancel your wedding after finding out the partner had multiple affairs and your friend can’t wait to tell you in person and call you next day from what was supposed to be your wedding day, only then you can tell a person to get over themselves and how to do that.

I think humanity is missing from mumsnet where people think it’s ok to tell a person to get over when they are already low.