Bridesmaid got engaged on my wedding day...

4 months, not 4 years, and op might have been extra raw that weekend which was supposed to be her wedding day.
It was a day she had been planning for long, it was not a Las Vegas drunken wedding. It’s not like op stopped her friend to go on that trip that you are calling her Miss Havisham.
Have some respect for people and the institution of marriage that you think she should be nonchalant about it the very next day.

I can understand why your upset. I'm sure the whole ordeal was devastating and what was supposed to be your special day is hers, and all your friends are having fun in a trip that was orchestrated by you but you aren't a part of anymore. You're human. As others have said though, she hasn't really done anything wrong. It was arguably insensitive of her fiance to propose on the exact day though.

If they were planning to get engaged soon anyway I'm not sure that there's much that could have been done to avoid upsetting Op .

Granted, avoiding her wedding weekend would have helped, but it would always have hurt I would have thought.

Unfortunately, whatever others do or don't do, Op's situation stays the same.

Hopefully it won't be too long before she sees it as a bullet dodged.

I can't believe some of the heartless responses on here. Rightly or wrongly I'd feel quite hurt, it feels insensitive given you're going through a hard time with the cancellation of your wedding. I think it's due to the fact the proposal was in the location you should have been getting married as well.

Ultimately you will need to get past it but I'd be feeling a bit raw in your position.

I never said she was. I said she wasn’t unreasonable to feel the way she does. I just don’t think the friend is at fault either

It's not your wedding day. Yabu and Abit strange here. Id be grateful that your bridesmaid who spent a lot of money got to have a lovely holiday and is now engaged. Be a friend here and congratulate her

I don’t necessarily mean instagram - I mean WhatsApp chats . I have a big group of mates on it and I have smaller groups. I have groups with my close friend’s parents on it as I have known them for 40 years. Our parents know each other so they would have chatted about it. My point simply is that this might have got out somehow. Then again, it might not. We have no idea of the situation so we have no idea of the friend’s motivation. I think it’s very unfair to malign the friend when they might have thought she was doing the right thing.

By your argument, op is not wrong to react in a way your or some posters here might have. So op is not unreasonable.

They paid a fortune to be there. May as well make the most of it.

@CantStopMoving I would have sent a text saying “I wanted to tell you this so that you don’t see it first on social media, but boyfriend and I got engaged today. I know this weekend is really hard for you, and I know that my news might take some getting used to. You’re a great friend and I know you’ll be happy for me, but I also know that you’re hurting a lot and will need some time to process this. Lots of love”. Something like that, which would be so much easier to cope with than a joyous face-time.

I remember a good friend gently breaking it to me that she was pregnant with her second child when I’d just had my 3rd failed IVF. It really helped that she told me her news in a way that acknowledged the mixed feelings I would have.

Maybe she didnt need to tell op about the beach she got engaged in?

Maybe if she really cared, she could have told friends to not post anything about her engagement before she does for the sake of OP’s feelings.

Posting on social media can wait.
I guess social media posts are more important. At least now op knows what matters more to her mate - posting on social media or caring for her feelings.

Having reread it, and seen its your best friend, I understand more how painful that must be. Sorry OP. Did she apologise or at least understand a bit? I think blame him for insensitive timing and maybe down the line you can tell her your feelings while saying you're happy for her. She is caught up in her own excitement understandably but it's a little insensitive of him, and hard for you to feel like others have so quickly forgotten about what this was meant to mean for your dreams which were broken recently.

I think you’re getting a hard time here, OP - well, from the messages I’ve read so far.

You said you were happy for her but needed time to process. I think that was an authentic and reasonable response.

i do agree with others that it’s the bf’s fault. It’s a bit crass/thoughtless of him but not your friend’s fault. But you never said to her it was.

It is not your wedding day. You cancelled your wedding. Four months ago.

It is now your best friend's engagement day. How lovely!

Don't be Miss Havisham, all mouldering lace and spider-infested cobwebs.

To you but another person might react differently. There is no right or wrong. I’d have been pleased my mate is so close to me they called me. You perhaps would have preferred to have not been told. How was the friend supposed to know the best thing to do? I don’t think anyone is the bad guy in this situation tbh. It is just awkward.

So its only a dick move if they were getting married ? I think he could have proposed anywhere else then... Its a dick move either way.

This thread shows how cold and self centred people could be. Just in case it’s not clear, I am not talking about the friend but the posters.

Maybe friend would have told her that she didn’t want to tell her while she was still raw. Last to know in this scenario is not as bad as knowing next day.

Obtuse - this was OP’s booked wedding day as you know. Of course OP would feel raw on the day/during the time of the holiday that was all arranged for her wedding.

her bridesmaid - fine to get engaged during the holiday. Absolutely no need to tell op that the guy proposed on the day of the wedding that op had booked. Could have left it a couple of days and sent a message saying she was engaged. Not “my bf proposed on the beach on your fucked wedding holiday on your fucked non wedding day”

There were lots of other people on the holiday though- presumably they would know and probably would talk about it on WhatsApp groups or SM. It is nigh on impossible to keep things quiet. That is why the mate probably called as she knew it would get out.

Is this day to be blocked out for her entire friendship group forever more?

No and I'm not aware that the OP suggested that it should.

I'd love to know how long the OP is allowed to feel sad and grieve for her expected future that has disappeared if sixteen weeks is already too long and she must "get over herself" already.

I wouldn’t care but I wasn’t precious about my wedding day

@LingThing where does OP say she wanted her friend to decline the proposal?

YABU - and it's not like she proposed to him, it was his choice. Sorry though that sounds very hard and I understand you're upset. But not her fault.

Is that the only thing you could imagine op found insensitive? Did it not occur to you that maybe OP’s issue is that friend called her next day and told her on FaceTime a day after that painful day for op. Could she not have waited to come back and tell Op without mentioning the day?