Bridesmaid got engaged on my wedding day...

My best friends partner proposed at my wedding night do.
I love them both and was really happy for them both.

Some of these replies!

I am so sorry, OP. I totally understand the hurt and the shock. No, I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

They were in Italy for what was supposed to be your wedding day! How can you not feel upset? You're dealing with one massive blow from having to cancel the wedding and still reeling with the circumstances leading to that and now just been delivered another sucker punch.

Your friend is very insensitive. Maybe if she hadn't come on the phone to you overjoyed with happiness not long after he proposed (I'm assuming) it would have been not so bad.

She could have told you when she got home and done it sensitively in these circumstances. But then it was probably on social media or at least being text to mutual friends within the hour of it happening anyway so perhaps she thought it was better coming from her.

In time you will be able to get past this but it's expecting too much to be able to do that now. Look after yourself and be kind to yourself and take your time to heal from the break up of your relationship. And also be thankful you did not marry the cheating scumbag. There is a better man out there for you, OP.💐

I'm sorry your bf was an arse and that your wedding fell through. However once the date is cancelled, that's it. Everyone can now do whatever they want on that day. As difficult as it probably was for you, you don't own the day.

I once had a situation at work where someone less competent but longer serving was earning much more.

I was understandably upset (and it did get fixed eventually) but someone said "what he earns makes no difference to your life". Which was true. It wasn't right, but it was only jealously, him earning less would make no difference to me.

This is similar. You feel jealous because of your hurt, but her being happy really doesn't harm you in any way, in fact it should enhance your life.

It seems nearly 90% would, yes.

Very insensitive of her, you can be honest with her about how it felt insensitive due to the timing. Also it's not in her control when her boyfriend chose to propose maybe give it some time and hopefully you won't feel as bad, if you still feel the same maybe it's best to distance yourself for a while until you feel ready...

its cold ill agree, but it was the B/F that proposed etc

personally why is this an issue ?

I would be SO relieved that something good came out of the wasted effort/time/expense of these friends. I would have been so embarrassed and felt huge guilt.

I would genuinely be very happy.

I agree with you but really your relationship was unstable (cheating) & it sounds like your guests paid alot of money for a trip to Italy ao if something good came out of it it's probably for the best

All of you saying it’s totally fine…would you have announced to your best friend that you were engaged on day very she would otherwise have been getting married?

My best friend gave birth on what would have been my wedding day. The bitch 😆

A similar thing happened to me, my SiL was due to get married and called it off 6 weeks before the wedding as ex was cheating.

My DH proposed over what would have been her wedding weekend, it wasn’t the actual day. I did first ask him if his sister knew and was ok with and she said she would like to look back at that date now with happy memories of our engagement and not the wedding that would have been.

try and take a leaf out of my SiL book and think of it now as a happy memory.

Well counter to that loads of posters are calling the friends fiance an idiot, and some are even suggesting they shouldn't have went on the holiday and lost out on presumably thousands of pounds! Empathy works both ways. Clearly the friend did what she thought was a thoughtful thing. It can be argued it wasn't the best route but she clearly tried. So calling the friend classless and other vile names is out of order. perhaps swing that judgmental mirror back around at some of your fellow comrades?

You hope I don’t have many friends but I feel the same about you. Friendship involves considering the feelings of others.

You also have low standards for your partner’s IQ if you don’t think they’d manage to recall why they were in Italy in the first place.

Excellent, a date with horrid memories, replaced with a reason to be happy for your friend instead.

You owe your friend an apology.

OP, I'm so sorry your ex cheated on you. You had a lucky escape. He's a waste of space. I'm not surprised you're still in a lot of pain

One of the consequences of planning a wedding abroad is that for your guests, it stops being "just" a wedding and becomes a holiday in its own right, as they're paying a lot of money to attend. This means that if the wedding is unfortunately cancelled, the trip is now officially just a holiday. Couples often get engaged on holiday, and it's not really fair to expect them to postpone this until their next one - holidays are expensive.

I think it was fair of your friend to let you know the next day that she was engaged. Would you rather have found out much later than everyone else? I would contact her, apologise for your reaction and tell her you're happy for her.

Nah that is absolutely disgusting. She knew you'd feel shit and they did that ?!!! Shocking carry on.

It wasn't your wedding day because you were no longer getting married it was a day of her holiday. Her boyfriend was perhaps a little bit insensitive but what could she say no this would have been my friend's wedding day I cannot possibly accept today asked me again tomorrow. I assume she facetimed you and let you know quickly so that it didn't appear on social media via other people because I suspect you would have been hurt to find out that way.

Oh come on. They were in Italy because of OP and knew it was planned as the wedding trip. Yes it got turned into a holiday but it would have cost the friend nothing to say to the people out there "please don't say anything on social media until I do because I want to tell OP sensitively."

Friend could then very easily have messaged OP when she got back to say she acknowledged the weekend must have been tricky and was thinking of her but just wanted to let her know before seeing on social media that boyfriend had proposed. No lying involved but a bit more thoughtful and sensitive to OP's feelings.

I don't understand how so many posters can be so callous and lacking in empathy. A friend of mine had to cancel a wedding in very similar circumstances years ago and it was completely awful for a long time afterwards. She felt humiliated which is natural even though she had nothing to be sorry for but having to tell friends and family who had spent money that the wedding was cancelled and why at the same time as feeling completely heartbroken is an awful thing to go through. Of course OP is feeling sensitive and vulnerable this past weekend. She's human.

I am sorry thst you have had this horrible disappointment in your life, but please try and find it in your heart to be pleased for your friend. I know it is hard but you will need your friends just now.

So because you would have lied to your friend via text message you're sensitive and classy.

Whereas a friend who chooses honesty and a direct and personal line of communication is crass and insensitive?

Ok, then 😂

Thaknfully your DH has the events of the last 4 months and beyond, of all your extended friendships, tattooed on his forehead so he can never be accused of being thoughtless. 😂Deluded.

One of those situations where it’s ok to feel a bit sad and angry over your situation, but that you have to swallow your emotions and not be weird to your friend about it. It’s very hard to do, and you’re not a monster for feeling this way. But in time when you heal you’ll be glad you didn’t let your ex ruin your friendships too.

look after yourself, find a safe space to be angry in confidence and go do something nice for yourself xxx

Like you said everyone reacts in a different way, so OP’s feelings are as valid as friends excitement about her engagement.

I think you should call your friend and apologize for your behavior. Nothing done was wrong here and you should have at least faked being happy for her. Nothing wrong being upset about it because these feelings are normal. You are hurt about what happened. But the person you should be mad/upset at is your ex fiance. Even if you are having feelings of thinking its not fair or jealousy or whatever against your friend getting engaged on what was supposed to be your day, if you are a real friend you keep them to yourself. I would apologize saying you were caught off guard and still getting over what happened with your ex fiance, but you are happy for your friend, wish them the best etc.