How often does your DIL visit/you visit your in laws?

We didn't see PIL very often when we lived about ten miles away and before we had kids. It wouldn't be as little as once a year but there could certainly be a few months between visits, as they had busy social lives and were always on holiday! But then we did also go on holiday with them. Still I didn't feel that close to them until I had DDs and we moved closer, only five minutes away. We can still these days, now DDs are grown up, not see them for a month or two.

We take it in turns to go to MiL as she’ll often call with a problem. I‘m the techie.

DS goes twice a week after school (school finishes at lunchtime here), sometimes I‘ll collect him, sometimes he walks home alone.

We also do a day out with her 1-2 a month, depending on whether it‘s an activity suitable for her.

Are you the same person who posted about Mothers' Day and the wedding speech? If so, you are the MIL from hell and don't be surprised if your DIL never wants to see you! It sounds like you raised a completely useless son in terms of gifts and occasions etc. If your DIL is anything like me she'll not stop your son from doing anything but will simply just stop encouraging him to call and visit etc.
You have only yourself to blame.

My Dil is separated from my son due to DV and I see her at least every fortnight. Sometimes more, she is welcome anytime. She doesn't drive so my other son picks her up sometimes and drops her back home or I'll pay for a taxi. She is mother to my young granddaughter my only grandchild. She doesn't have much other family so we've adopted her as our own my other children are supportive of her too. We picked her over my son.

At least once a week and with the kids but I'll often take the kids round without my husband especially as I'm on maternity leave at the moment and I'll often meet my MIL, just the two of us. My in-laws are fab though, absolutely no complaints from my side and I'm very lucky!

Did you post about the wedding because you were upset that your DIL did a really lovely speech thanking her mum for everything she had done for her (DIL didn't have a relationship with her dad) and your son did a speech thanking both families? The bride did actually thank your family (if this was you).

I think this is the same person.
In your last thread you admitted that you ring your DS four to five times a week and want to speak with him for over 15 minutes sometimes when he has just got back from work.

This causes friction all round.
Sadly I think you are being rather economical with the truth on this latest thread and you were given valuable help and thoughts on your other thread.

I always think this when this type of issue comes up. My husband never came to visit my mum with me when she was alive. He didn’t not get on with her and he sometimes saw her at our house as she didn’t live far away so there was no need in one way. But he would have thought it odd if I asked him to come with me when I went to see her. He also had no clue as to any of my family members’ birthdays, including my mum’s. But some how there seems to be an expectation the other way round ie. When he forgot his sister’s birthday one year, MIL said she thought I should have sorted a card.

I think it's always a mistake to confuse proximity with closeness. Just because someone married your son doesn't make you interesting to them.

I've been with my DH nearly 2 decades and mil has been to our home twice and our previous house half a dozen times. I go to her house 90% of the times my husband goes to hers, which isnt often. We're much closer to my family than his, he says its because mine are easy going and like to have fun. He's never been close to his mum, he spent a lot of time with his grandparents who we saw often before they passed, Now that he's an adult she seems to be trying to make up for lost time and DH isn't very insterested and im not going to facilitate his relationship with her. I have nothing against mil but everything is very stilted with her. My husband can go weeks without talking to her, where as i speak/see my mum daily.

Are you the OP that posted about wanting to be treated the same as her DIL's mum on Mother's Day? That poster's son had acted as his mum's carer until he moved out to live with his girlfriend. That poster had other children but only expected her youngest son to help her.

I very rarely visit my MIL when husband does. She doesn't like me anyway so I just let him go over there with DD and I do my own thing. Similarly I don't expect him to come with me when I visit my mum or extended family. Not a fan of playing happy families for the sake of appearances.

I go the majority of the time with my OH when he goes to see his mum. TBH I see my MIL on my own more than he sees her!

Go whenever my partner does with both kids, also taken kids without him. Also partner is useless so usually me mentioning that we should visit so they can see kids. (Bit more effort on their side for this would be nice but there you go) have you mentioned her absence to your son,?

I remember that poster and if you are her. You need to back off.

anyway question at hand I get to see my mil a lot less since we moved. Dh kinda drives near theirs on his way home so now 99% of visits are just him popping in on his way by and my life is now so much more relaxed not constantly dreading the next invite because she happy his popping in. I’m happy I am not popping in and my children are happy they aren’t dragged out.

Sorry if this is true … making a leap to ‘she quite clearly hates me’ … you’re the problem here. I’m closer to them because they invite me over etc this whole post is like an AI piss take. You can’t possible not see yourself OP surely.

You clearly do not like your DIL so I'm unsure why you want her to visit?
If you are the same poster that thought mothers should be treated the same then I would say you seem to have a lot of unwarranted expectations on how YOU should be treated, like people's decisions should be centered around you.

I think you've painted your DIL as some sort of villanelle in your mind to absolve yourself of your half of the responsibility of your relationship with her and are only now seeing the future repercussions regarding grandchildren.

You sound like hard work and I think you're being economical with your admissions on the thread.

We visit my in-laws at least once a month together. They live around a 30 minute drive away and neither I or my mother in law drive. My husband will also sometimes run down in the car himself if I’m working late. DH and my DF support the same football team so they see each other weekly during the season, both have seats in the same part of the stand and will happily go drinking together. I see my DM a few times a week as she often offers to pick me up from work if I’m finishing at 10pm as it’s two buses to get home. DH likes my DM but finds her frustrating at times. It is always little things like one new year we all got invited round for hot rolls and my DM will be stressing over how many people want the fat cut off their bacon. After we have all eaten two double rolls (bacon, sausage, egg and tattie scones were all on offer) she then worries in case people are still hungry and should she get out crisps, biscuits and cakes. My grandmother walked out when my mum was 7 and she and her boyfriend went to Rhodesia. As a result my mum missed that caring element in her life so she tries to make sure that none of us ever feel like that and so it results in her stressing over little things. My DH understands why though and tries to help where he can so she stresses less. We see my parents together again around once a month.

It’s definitely the same poster - always with ‘sad’ in the username. Op was told to stop messaging DIL’s DM on facebook, if I remember correctly.

The son lived with OP, and OP blames DIL for the changes in their relationship since.

Are you the poster who was not happy with her daughter in laws speech at their wedding,
the same MIL ( to be at the time ) who was not happy that her son's girlfriend treated her mother better than her son treated his mother re Mother's Day ?

There are lots of variables here. Before DC we would visit in laws maybe once a month (they live about 50 mins away). After DC, still maybe once a month but more if we have things going on (birthdays/ planned events/ meal out or whatever). However my own parents, I visit as little as I can get away with. And (sorry) always use the excuse that we’re really busy. Which isn’t a lie to be fair, but the reason being that my family are extremely hard work, not really ‘involved’
and I do the visits purely to keep the peace or they start pecking at me about it. Which ultimately makes me want to visit less also

As a DIL I always used to visit along with DH but I have come to realise they’ve seen our house once since we’ve been here (in 5 years) and we are always doing the 3 hour trip to them. No children yet but I am sure as soon as/ if we do they will start making more of an effort.

Yanbu. I almost always go with my husband when he visits his parents and I’m always there when they come to our house, unless there’s a good reason why I have to be somewhere else. (We live around an hour’s drive away).

Very rare do I visit MIL and she only lives a 5 minute walk away
No reason why I don’t see her, my husband sees her regularly and my 3 daughters visit and help her do things as she’s in her 80’s!
She rings my husband regularly and if I answer the phone I have a conversation with her, and she knows that if she’s in an emergency then I’ll be there to help. We’re all only a phone call away and more than willing to be there for her unlike my husband’s brothers wife who didn’t even keep her updated when her son nearly died and had to have life saving surgery!!!

I don't particularly get on with my mil. She has said a lot of extremely hurtful things over the years. My boundy for this is she does not come to our house. That is my face space. DH completely gets it and to be honest, mil has never asked to visit anyway. We do however visit her weekly together. I wouldn't visit her alone but I do make the effort to go with DH once a week and I am polite and warm but not the loving DIL as there's been too much hurt from her part.