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DH and neighbour weird situation

211 replies

anotherglass · 23/06/2025 09:23

Hello, yesterday my neighbour came over for a BBQ. She has been widowed for several years and we generally get on v well, exchanging Xmas cards, and putting eachothers' bins out when we are away etc. She does not have a partner currently.
After a nice BBQ in the afternoon catching up on the street, the three of us (me, DH and neighbour) sat in the garden cabin listening to music. Then came the bit that shocked me. There was a brief conversation about a new local massage centre that we thought was a bit dodgy. I add this for context.
Then neighbour volunteers that when she moved to the area, with her former husband, she jokingly thought about setting up a fantasy style sex chat line, in quite a niche area.

She went into detail about how she would operate the line. She was stood up in the centre of the room while she said this. I was shocked as our conversation never strays into personal sexual areas. I have only ever thought of her as a nice lady, my age.
DH pipes up he'd use her phone line. I was mortified.
I was very tired last night so did not raise how upset it had made me feel. I have woken this morning thinking WTF happened last night and how do I deal with it.
I raised with DH this morning and he says 'it was just a joke" and to "calm down".
Neighbour has invited us over for a BBQ. How would you deal with this situation? I am angry at both neighbour and DH.

OP posts:
WhyFiddleDeDee · 23/06/2025 10:05

anotherglass · 23/06/2025 09:34

My neighbour's fantasy life did not phase me I am not a prude. However, I do wonder why she felt the need to share that at a BBQ, with DH's reaction also an issue.

She got slightly fiddly and overshared? Your DH thought it was a mildly joky response?

whitewineandsun · 23/06/2025 10:05

You brought up massage palours, OP. She didn't start talking about it out of nothing. Don't overthink this and go to the BBQ.

DoctorRoseReturns · 23/06/2025 10:04

I would have took it as DH having a joke and probably joined in like "Oh I'd have been around asking for a job."

FOJN · 23/06/2025 10:02

I think we need to know if alcohol was involved.

Your neighbour may be feeling mortified this morning by her over sharing yesterday.

AuntyHistamine · 23/06/2025 09:58

You were already talking about a massage parlour so this would obviously have flowed on from that. You’re annoyed at DH and the neighbour but has it occurred to you that your reaction might be the issue? I doubt she would even have mentioned it if you hadn’t

a) been drinking and
b) already been talking about massage parlours.

perhaps go and have a massage and unwind a bit. It’s really not that big a deal.

anotherglass · 23/06/2025 09:51

Hoppinggreen · 23/06/2025 09:25

Your neighbour was over sharing a bit (was booze involved?) but I would be more annoyed with DH.
Having said that I would have shut it right down at the time

How would you have shut it down? I feel I could have dealt with it better.

OP posts:
IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta · 23/06/2025 09:43

I think she was testing the water to see if you might be up for swinging or similar.

somuchrubbish · 23/06/2025 09:40

Nah sorry I couldn't get upset about this or take it too seriously.

She obviously felt comfortable in your company to have a bit of a joke and to share that with you and have a joke about that and your DH shared the joke.

A few drinks loosens everyone up a bit (if you were having a few) and people talk shit sometimes. Either way I honestly couldn't and wouldn't be bothered with this and certainly wouldn't be angered by it.

anotherglass · 23/06/2025 09:34

WhyFiddleDeDee · 23/06/2025 09:28

What exactly is it that has offended you? That a ‘nice’ widowed woman jokingly recounted to you and your DH that she and her deceased husband had once contemplated running a sex phone line from next door? That your DH said he would use it? Wasn’t everyone just joking, unless your DH does have a fetish for being walked on by a woman wearing only stilettos and Marigolds, or whatever the niche was?

My neighbour's fantasy life did not phase me I am not a prude. However, I do wonder why she felt the need to share that at a BBQ, with DH's reaction also an issue.

OP posts:
WhyFiddleDeDee · 23/06/2025 09:28

What exactly is it that has offended you? That a ‘nice’ widowed woman jokingly recounted to you and your DH that she and her deceased husband had once contemplated running a sex phone line from next door? That your DH said he would use it? Wasn’t everyone just joking, unless your DH does have a fetish for being walked on by a woman wearing only stilettos and Marigolds, or whatever the niche was?

Hoppinggreen · 23/06/2025 09:25

Your neighbour was over sharing a bit (was booze involved?) but I would be more annoyed with DH.
Having said that I would have shut it right down at the time

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