DH and neighbour weird situation

Has your husband been unfaithful before? I'm trying to understand why it has bothered you so much. If my DH came out with this I would know he was joking.

Well I think you realise this is a DH problem. If an “attractive” widower said this in front of my DH, he’d be very unbothered, not at all excited or turned on, perhaps a little uncomfortable depending on the level of detail, and he definitely wouldn’t say that he’d call her sex chat line.

I feel a bit sorry for this woman. Without being there or knowing her(!), I’d assume she thought she was sharing amongst friends she’s known for a long time. I’m a bit of an oversharer but I guess that’s ok because I’m married? People can have affairs even if they are married you know. It seems unfair to make a particular point of her husband being dead so she’s more of a threat to your relationship. Your DH is the threat.

I think you need to lighten up a bit. I don't think neighbour or DH did anything wrong, sounds like they were just having a laugh.

Of course you don't

Because you think it's fine and dandy to tell single women to shut up and be subtle around men least they tempt them like the wicked whores they are

I hope this has a happy ending

This sounds suspisciously like "single woman, therefore must be after my husband". The vast majority of single woman (widowed, divorced, etc) are not interested in your husband, but you see it all the time, women being ostracised from groups, treated with suspicion as soon as they're not 'part of a couple'.

Because she probably wants attention, which your husband happily gave her. She would be most likely sleep with him, given the chance. Watch your husband, not her.

I agree with those who say she overshared. She might have been a bit drunk or just socially awkward. It’s happens and imo you are making a bigger deal of it than it is. She said it in front of both of you so she wasn’t doing it to flirt with your husband.

When I’ve seen other people do similar over sharing/awkward things in social situations (or done them myself!), tbh I’ve found the typical male response to being uncomfortable is to make a joke of it (which is what your husband did), whereas a woman typically tries to change the subject or just pretends the thing wasn’t said.

Unless the backstory is that she’s got form for this sort of thing, I’d honestly forget about it. I bet once she got home she’s probably embarrassed and cursing herself thinking “why the heck did I say that?”.

Was your DH sitting there with his hand down his pants, rubbing his erection and going "oo ye love, I'd ring you every day" with a leer on his face?

Or was he laughing and said "well I'd have rung you"

I wonder if you're upset because your husband became too enthusiastic when she mentioned what she would wear.

I agree that her comments were in poor taste.

Unless there's a backstory that we're not aware of I think it might be a 'you' problem. You say it "shifted the BBQ dynamic in an uncomfortable way" but you are the only one who was uncomfortable.

Your issue is not the neighbour.
your problem is between you and your husband. It is no one else’s responsibility to anticipate any tensions in your marriage, and tip toe around them. Especially when it’s a topic that most people would have a good giggle at.

maybe start the conversation with your DH saying - last night I was upset when X, it made me feel Y. Please can we talk about this because I think it reflects Z in our wider relationship.

the neighbour is not your issue.

It wasn't her "sexual backstory" unless she said "I used to actually do this" ffs

Oh no, not a single woman talking about sex.
The whore.

Sounds to me like you're a bit jealous of your neighbour - you've referred to her as 'attractive' and 'single' and gone along with people calling her desperate...she's a widow, she probably is a bit lonely but it most certainly is not her fault that you don't trust your husband. That's a you and him problem.

Personally I think you're taking out your marriage issues on somebody who was just having a laugh and reminiscing over silly ideas she had with her husband - it's not like she was suggesting she do it now!
What next, is she not allowed to wear a v-neck t-shirt or shorts above her knee in case he looks at her?!

Why are you with him if he acts in a manner which you find disrespectful? would you be so affronted if he hadn't said he'd use the line?

@anotherglass I’m insightful because I’ve been in the position of having my H watching sleazy shit behind my back most days and yet on paper very much ‘a new man/feminist’ . He didn’t know I knew but I did. One day when I had enough and didn’t care if we stayed married or not I just came out with it and said ‘I’m simply not attracted to you watching this shit behind my back and using it as a habit like brushing your teeth and if you wonder why I’m not interested that way, that’s a huge part of it’ - he was shocked and embarrased but I think realised I meant business. I think a lot of this OP depends on the other stuff you haven’t said, if this is part of a pattern - sounds awful but to me I find sleaze harder to tolerate the older I am and the older they are too - I know age shouldn’t come into it , but my brain doesn’t quite feel like that. If it’s part of a pattern I think you need to really question whether you actually like him enough any more and want to stay married- if you do , then I think you need a conversation about what it is you don’t find ok - it doesn’t matter if others find it ok, if you don’t - get it out in the open , even if it means you have a row - as it is I think like me you probably have some festering shizzle that you are shoving under the carpet and something like this has brought it to the surface .

Reading your posts I think the issue here is there is a backstory (unknown to your neighbour).

Your DH likes role play and sexy dressing. Youre aware of that (she isn't).
You state she is attractive?

I think this highlights your insecurities.

I've had many drunken nights with my friends at my house talking about their latest hookup and other sex chat with my DP present. I've never felt threatened.
However if I felt my DP could be attracted to my friend and my friend started to talking about a kink my DP is into then yes I probably would feel a little threatened.

However I wouldn't be mad/annoyed at my friend because'
-she doesn't know my DPs sexual pretences so that saying what she said would set him off.

• she wouldn't know or believe that my DP could potentially be attracted to her.

So I think your neighbour really isn't the issue here.

I think there's insecurities on your part that have been brought up. Do you not feel he's fully satisfied in your sex life? Are you not fully into what his sexual preferences are, and having a woman who is into it and talking about with making you feel insecure that they could have a potential sexual 'spark', both clearly being into the same things?

Of course there is now the open knowledge to you that she is into his sexual preferences and he has made it known he also is too. So now that's out there.

If he was into something completely different like very large women dressed in bikinis then you probably wouldn't feel threatened by what she said knowing your DP would have 0 interest and probably just laugh it off and think nothing of it. But because you know there is the threat of the 'spark', its got your back up?

But remember, she has 0 idea that he happens to coincidentally be into what she was saying and that he has the potential to be attracted to her. So it wasn't intentional on her part.

???

You're worried about your husband are you op.

2 wines would have me on my back.

Don’t miss the opportunity to develop a lucrative side hustle with your neighbour.

A sex line for the mature audience to call to listen to the sounds of smacked bottoms.

She could do the sound recording whilst you and your husband take turns to whip others buttocks with every day household objects.

This time next year you could all be millionaires.