DH and neighbour weird situation

@anotherglass, how are you doing?

No pun intended?

I’m with you, @anotherglass.

This woman stood in the middle of your room and elaborated on her kink outfit/props, how she’d speak during the sex chat, and who else would be present. She was letting you and H know what she likes and giving a sample of her fantasy presentation. This was way out of line in my book. You have the right to your boundaries, so your discomfort is valid. I’d be greatly distancing myself from her.

Then your husband made it personal and sexual between the two of them.

I agree with @OhMyGollyGoshGosh‘s statement above. No wonder you feel unsettled. Indeed, H responded with gusto and verbalized that he’d have enjoyed connecting with her on her sex line. A frisson passed between them, right in front of you. His drooling was beyond the pale and highly disrespectful to you. She certainly took note of his enthusiasm.

@anotherglass this is not a man who cherishes you, has strong boundaries, and is invested in your emotional safety and well-being. I believe that you could give many examples of this.

** I have now read your update, and am not surprised that he has shifted the blame and conjured ‘your lack of sense of humour’. There’s nothing funny about this. He is known to enjoy sexual role-play, and couldn’t contain his excitement for their mutual interests. Now he is DARVO-ing you. Emotional abusers often use the ‘you can’t take a joke’ tactic when their disrespectful, manipulative or bullying behavior is challenged.

Does he have a history of riding roughshod over your feelings and boundaries, @anotherglass?

Maybe he has a wife problem because she doesn't trust him not to run off with the shock horror single woman next door

But I honestly think this is a tou problem your over reacting your getting paranoid and you feel threatened... she told a dirty story your dh made a dirty reply its not as though they bonked in front of tou and made you watch do you think like you sais your not yourself is it down to how he treats you is it the menopause or peri menopause is it your not feeling attractive what is it now that has upset you because frankly I would of laughed it off and called mu husband a cheeky b word and moved on

I think you need to think about your violent response to this. You keep saying you don’t want to be in that situation again, but your take on what actually happened is quite extreme. Genuinely, to an external observer, it looks like a neighbour after two glasses of wine telling a humorous, mildly smutty anecdote from her past, and your DH makes a token response in the same spirit. Not some inappropriate sexual self-revelation.

No, you've repeated a variation of the same 3 lines about him with zero insight as to why he's made you so paranoid...You don't know what her motives are either!! But you're happy to sl*g her off to a bunch of strangers on the internet by immediately jumping on the "she's after my husband" bandwagon, she desperate, she's putting out feelers, if she doesn't want to be seen as a threat etc etc - it really is rather pathetic that you'd rather do that than challenge your own husband!

You quite clearly haven't dealt with anything looking at that last update - either because you can't communicate or because he could not care less that your feelings were hurt - I know for a fact if I'd felt that disrespected or embarrassed by my husband I wouldn't be accepting a half assed excuse and walking away still unhappy.

Quite frankly it sounds like you need a hobby or a new husband - as you've either got too much time on your hands, so you're obsessing about other women. Or you need a divorce because your husband has throughly knocked every ounce of confidence from you, so you perceive every other woman as a threat because he's convinced you you're not good enough, and instead of telling him to bog off you lose friends and alienate other people when it's him you should get shot of.

Actually, I think he has a DW problem. At least, I can't quite see what the DH problem is. Would you have felt better if he'd said, "Ooh, no, no, Marjorie - that's not my kind of sex chat line at all'?

The voting's pretty evenly split. Many posters here keep saying, 'it's not that big a deal', and there are three pages of replies from you telling them why they're wrong.

So what, actually, do you want from this thread?

I actually dont find what she shared shocking it's not 1950, could it be that you lost some of your confidence amd this lady is seen as a threat? Im not being nasty just saying that im extra sensitive when not feeling myself and my husband making that comment wouldn't normally upset mw unless I wasn't feeling myself

I'm not sure what you were expecting him to say that would have pleased you? That in the cold light of day he's realised your neighbour is a filthy harlot and he won't even take his own bins out in future for fear of making eye contact with her?

Darvo- twat

Kick your husband out, the marriage is obviously over.

or

maybe just breath.

I nearly wet myself laughing! Where’s the laugh emoji when you want it!

Like I've said, I read the lot - and all you say is that you're upset with him, that he likes the kind of stuff she was referring to and that you can see you have issues.

You've had not had nearly enough to say about him and far too much to say about her - considering that he's the one that has obligations to you, the one who knows the kinds of things that would make you uncomfortable and the one who knows your boundaries and your insecurities...alas according to you she's the one that should know all of this despite not being your friend, but she is kind of a friend because you actually go out together, you don't just say hi over the bins...it's laughable.

Does she know you husband is a sleaze? Do you have any intention of listening to the myriad of messages telling you that you need to look closer to home? Or will you continue to deflect, only answer the questions you choose to answer (ignoring a vast majority of those about your husband) and act like you're not being absolutely awful about a woman who's only crime was to consider you a friend?

The odds of there being two threads about DHs and massage parlours in Active. There is a lot of it going around, apparently.

No your attitude towards this "single woman" and how she should be quiet around men least she tempt them is what makes you a misogynist

She wasn't describing them to her husband
She was just talking the same as you and your friend were about how she would have gone about the business. Exactly the same

😂