Trapped between 2 men and can’t see a way out

Agree with previous comments that you need to go for the 3rd option of being single.

Getting back with your ex isn't going to benefit anyone in the long term. You say you just want to make them happy but that means sacrificing your own happiness. Your son is a child and doesn't understand adult relationships and should not be dictating that you get back together. At the age of 12 they aren't always going to be around and will be out with friends.

The new relationship probably isn't going to go anywhere. You have both said neither of you can move and only seeing him 2 nights a week makes you lonely and it's then you start spending time with your ex to compensate.

Have a break from dating. Find company in friends. Get a hobby.

Aside from the damage you will cause from yo yo-ing,.l you need to really truly get that you don't need a man.

You were single for a year. Now there is a new man and you feel lonely?

You're having a wobble, I get it, but you need to look at life without men. Your boyfriend is an optional extra. If being with him has woken up a neediness that sees you moving backwards in life, sever the cord.

You started all this because it was worth it. See it through.

You clearly don't love new guy or you wouldn't even be considering leaving him. You clearly don't love your ex. Don't get back with him because you're lonely. I agree split from both and work on yourself l. Learn to not be lonely and then go and meet someone else when you're emotionally ready. It's not fair on them otherwise and also you should be with someone because you want to be not because you need to be.

You're holding on to your ex as a backup because things aren't working out like you want with the long distance part time boyfriend of a few months, he's got his kids 50/50 and you won't be able to build a life with him. You've got all that new relationship energy and it seems like you want to rush things with new bf but you can't because of your life situations.

It's time for a reality check. Get your shit together. Get therapy. Going back to your backup when you aren't feeling it won't work, you'll just cause even more misery. Let the ex-husband go so maybe he can find someone who will love him instead of him being your life raft.

I think the new partner is stringing you along. Passion is all very well but it usually means you're not sure of the person and you have wonderful highs and awful lows. After a certain point, you want certainty and stability. I would think long and hard about whether you can rekindle your marriage. Surely it would be worth trying some counselling if there is any chance of saving the marriage.

Going back to your Ex would be a big mistake and you know it, Your son and Ex would not be happier with if you pretend and you would be pretending.

Want it by all means, but stop trying to act on it and accept you can't have it. It isn't within your power to make everyone happy. You'd be putting yourself at the bottom of the priority list, sacrificing yourself to try to make your ex and your son happy. How happy are they really going to be when you're thoroughly miserable and sink into depression caused by an unhappy marriage that you're determined to stay in until one of you dies? Or if you meet someone you do feel passionate about and you end up cheating? Or leaving a second time?

Yeah but you are not in love with him, so you are stringing him along, because of what you ‘want’ which is selfish and not helping anyone in the long run.

You and your ex have a fundamental difference of opinion. He wants a sex life with his partner, you don't want to have sex with him. It's not really something that's possible for either of you to compromise on. You're not going to be happy sleeping with him even occasionally. He's not going to be happy having sex with someone who doesn't really want to have sex with him. It'll be soul destroying for both of you. You've tried ignoring how you feel and as you've discovered, that doesn't work. If he ignores how he feels and enters a sexless relationship with you, he's going to be the resentful one. You're not exactly going to be happy in that scenario either because you do want a sex life, just not with him. So none of the options work.

Set your ex free. What you're doing is cruel. You're using him to cushion the breakup that you know is coming with your new partner. It's not fair. Your ex is a human being, not your security blanket against loneliness. Have relationship counselling with your ex so you can both come to terms with the fact he can't meet your needs and the relationship isn't ever going to work. Then you can go forward as friends or at least as co-parents with civility between you. If you carry on as you are you're going to end up hating each other.

Your son will hopefully understand better as he gets older. All he's seeing right now is his mum leaving his dad for "no reason" because he can't see past you as his parents, he's not seeing the relationship between you as two adults. He's not thinking of you two having sex. He's got no idea how it utterly shit it feels to be a woman having sex with someone you don't want to have sex with and how it destroys your sense of self and your self esteem. You're literally disrespecting yourself by making yourself do it. You just can't have a healthy romantic/sexual relationship with someone who you don't want to have sex with. Hopefully your son will come to understand that when he's an adult.

Loneliness is not a good enough reason to get back with your husband, even if he wanted you - he may never trust you again.
Loneliness is not a reason to stay with the new boyfriend.
nor is it a reason to upset your sons life again when it doesn't work out again.

It doesn’t read to me like you’re stuck between two men.

You’re no longer in love with your ex-husband. That’s fine. It happens. You had a right to leave and he and your child will need to deal with that.

It would be cruel to go back to him if you do not love him. In the long run it’s highly likely to harm your child, him and you. It also renders the heartache already encountered as pointless. You need to stop stringing him along so he can recover from it and get on with his life.

With regards to your new partner, that’s all up to you. But you are not stuck between two
men.

Stop stringing your ex along you know he has feelings for you and your trying to play on both so wrong

You’re stringing your ex along. This is a disaster waiting to happen. You need to be clear and honest with your ex and let him rebuild his life. This is helping no-one.

Will you actually be happy though (if you get back with ex)? You might not be AS lonely but the loneliness will creep back in eventually. It's why you left in the first place.

You left because you were not happy and it wasn’t working. If you go back only you will still be unhappy and the marriage still won’t work

you did not leave for your new partner and ok it’s difficult at only 2 nights a week but that relationship still makes you happier than your marriage

I accept your ds finds it difficult, but he will also pick up that your are unhappy

I would continue as your are, accept it’s two nights a week and certainly I would t be going back to a very unhappy marriage

What would you hope for your son in his marriage? I expect to be happy? You’re allowed to be too.

You won’t be happy if you go back, and children are not stupid, he’ll realise eventually. And you’ll be compounding it all.

I am wondering if you would go off anyone after the thrill has worn off. You could find yourself in the same position time and time again, it does happen. Then end up with nothing.

Also don't plan to move your new partner in or blend families. You can prioritise your son without getting back with your ex.

In 6 years time your son will be an adult. Now I know these days that doesn't mean he will move out... but at that stage, more or less, IF you had got back with your ex, it wouldn't really be a primarily parenting relationship any more. Then it is you and him as partners as you get older. I don't think that's what you want. You've already done the hard bit and escaped a passion-less relationship.

So I would stop rekindling anything with your ex.

Are you the higher earner? Is that why ex is in a flatshare while you're in the family home despite you being the one to end the relationship?
Absolutely staggering selfish of you to string him along.

That’s not fair on the ex. OP doesn’t love him or find him attractive. He deserves better.

And people from different areas live together and get married all the time. If it’s serious one person relocates. Ignore it if you want, but he isn’t serious about you.