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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think it’s a little unfair although I can see the reasoning!?

42 replies

Inheritancequery1 · 22/06/2025 20:33

I am moving in with my partner. I live in Ireland and I get a small amount of benefits (less than €50 a week) I also have an element of extra tax credits so my pay is a little more than If I wasn’t single so I think the difference is about 40per week.

I am moving in with my DP (not dc’s dad) and so because of this I will loose about €90 per week. I know I know…i get the reasoning but it’s still hard to take a bit.

I will take home about 3100 per month (I can do OT to top up also) and dp’s is about 4100, he is very kind and we are paying pretty much half of everything except a few bills which he will pay so it will even it out. I can see I’ll be better off. But he’s not their dad and what if he wasn’t so kind about money? I’m sure there’s men out there who are not!

OP posts:
Original poster
Inheritancequery1 · 22/06/2025 21:10

PollyannaGladGame · 22/06/2025 21:10

In all honesty, if anyone moving in with a new partner when they have kids already has any doubt the new partner is not “kind” enough to make sure finances are fair and balanced then they should not be doing it.

I agree…

OP posts:
PollyannaGladGame · 22/06/2025 21:10

In all honesty, if anyone moving in with a new partner when they have kids already has any doubt the new partner is not “kind” enough to make sure finances are fair and balanced then they should not be doing it.

MuddyPawsIndoors · 22/06/2025 21:08

Inheritancequery1 · 22/06/2025 21:05

I can’t opt out of the pay rise, it’s automatic. And you’re right they were great when I needed them…I don’t really need them anymore so it’s ok. I just worry for others who don’t have the same kindness in a dp etc I suppose

Show quote history

I just worry for others who don’t have the same kindness in a dp etc I suppose

Why do you keep talking about 'kindness' like this, it's starting to come off as a bit strange.

He's met a woman with DC, he wants to live with this woman and her DC, so he has to make that work.

It's called finding a practical solution, not 'kindness'.

There's no need to keep worrying about other women like they don't have minds of their own.

If you're going to worry about anyone, worry about all the kids who get no say in who their parents choose to live in their homes.

Original poster
Inheritancequery1 · 22/06/2025 21:05

Pessismistic · 22/06/2025 21:01

You say that like it’s so simple what about your dc are they of an age where this will not affect them in anyway?

Where what will not effect them?

OP posts:
Original poster
Inheritancequery1 · 22/06/2025 21:05

Psychologymam · 22/06/2025 21:01

Surely if he wasn’t kind and you were going to be worse off financially then you wouldn’t move in with him? The majority of benefits aren’t yours for life, they are designed to support you for a time period if you’re not able to support yourself. Maybe you shouldn’t take the pay rise either because then you’ll get less benefits? Doesn’t make sense when you put it like that.

I can’t opt out of the pay rise, it’s automatic. And you’re right they were great when I needed them…I don’t really need them anymore so it’s ok. I just worry for others who don’t have the same kindness in a dp etc I suppose

OP posts:
Pessismistic · 22/06/2025 21:01

You say that like it’s so simple what about your dc are they of an age where this will not affect them in anyway?

Psychologymam · 22/06/2025 21:01

Surely if he wasn’t kind and you were going to be worse off financially then you wouldn’t move in with him? The majority of benefits aren’t yours for life, they are designed to support you for a time period if you’re not able to support yourself. Maybe you shouldn’t take the pay rise either because then you’ll get less benefits? Doesn’t make sense when you put it like that.

Original poster
Inheritancequery1 · 22/06/2025 20:57

MuddyPawsIndoors · 22/06/2025 20:52

But he’s not their dad and what if he wasn’t so kind about money? I’m sure there’s men out there who are not!

Is the answer not really really obvious?

If a single parent can't afford to live to the same standard because they want to move their boyfriend/girlfriend in, then they don't do it.

They wait until such a time where benefits are no longer involved.

it will even out to be fair and I am paying a mortgage for my own home so there’s that benefit too as I was paying rent. Once my pay goes up next year I wouldn’t be entitled to any benefits anyway so it’s good timing…

OP posts:
MuddyPawsIndoors · 22/06/2025 20:52

But he’s not their dad and what if he wasn’t so kind about money? I’m sure there’s men out there who are not!

Is the answer not really really obvious?

If a single parent can't afford to live to the same standard because they want to move their boyfriend/girlfriend in, then they don't do it.

They wait until such a time where benefits are no longer involved.

Original poster
Inheritancequery1 · 22/06/2025 20:49

SupposesRoses · 22/06/2025 20:46

Hopefully your expenses are going down too with another adult to share things with?
Much heartache would be saved if women just didn’t move in with men who aren’t kind.

Yes they are! Definitely are!

OP posts:
Original poster
Inheritancequery1 · 22/06/2025 20:49

Pessismistic · 22/06/2025 20:37

Have you been together long. This s very important as if things go wrong where will you live?

If it goes wrong we sell the house and get our deposits back and move on.

OP posts:
TheyFuckYouUpYourMamAndDad · 22/06/2025 20:48

I don’t know what your question is?

SupposesRoses · 22/06/2025 20:46

Hopefully your expenses are going down too with another adult to share things with?
Much heartache would be saved if women just didn’t move in with men who aren’t kind.

Confusedbylifeingeneral · 22/06/2025 20:43

Just don’t move in then?

RandomMess · 22/06/2025 20:42

If he wasn’t reasonable about you both being better off by living together then surely you would choose to live apart and reconsider whether he was kind or not.

Also state support is aimed at providing the minimum required.

nomas · 22/06/2025 20:39

You should never be worse off financially when moving in with a partner.

€90 per week is not nothing.

Glad you have found a compromise.

Pessismistic · 22/06/2025 20:37

Have you been together long. This s very important as if things go wrong where will you live?