To ask those estranged/NC with their dad: did you have him at your wedding? And if you did, did he give you away?

No and no.

I was low contact so I did at the time.

DH is under strict instructions that they will NOT be notified in the event of my death. I also won’t got to their funerals and don’t expect to be informed.

I’m on very good terms with my dad and I walked solo down the aisle because I and I alone made the decision to marry my husband. My parents love him btw!

My dad did get front row seats with my mum, of course.

Lots of ways to skin a cat

I think it depends on how old you were when estranged and reasons why.

I grew up without a father. He was alive when I got married. It never entered my head to invite him. He was nothing to me. His choice to leave when I was 2 and to go no contact, never paid a penny in child maint etc etc etc.

My Mum walked me down the aisle. 20+ years ago. Father is dead now. I have no regrets.

This is so helpful and hits the nail on the head. Thank goodness you posted

No we'd been NC for years, he hadn't met my partner and didn't know I was engaged, I didn't have anyone from his side there. My uncle (mums brother) walked me down the aisle. He sent me a Facebook message congratulating me a couple of months after but I never replied. He didn't, and still doesn't, deserve to be a part of that day.

I'm close to my dad but no chance he was "giving me away" - he never owned me! Walked with my husband down the aisle. Dad gave a lovely reading.

Nope, didn’t even tell him I was getting married. (Would’ve had to go to a hell of a lot of effort to find a way to contact him - lives abroad and I’d deleted his number years earlier). My mum walked me down the aisle and did a mother of the bride speech.

If I hadn’t been long since estranged from my abusive father there is still no way I’d have been ‘given away’ at our wedding by anyone, male or female.

I’m a sentient human being, not a possession.

Absolutely not! He would have basked in the glory of telling everyone he paid for the wedding and probably everything! As it was he did sad face to all his friends that I didn’t invite him. A friend of mine said, he could have always turned up and watched from a distance or sent a card but no, he enjoyed the sympathy more.

This is GENIUS

No. Why would I invite a vicious misogynistic racist to my wedding?

I'm pretty low contact (since childhood) with my dad, and was occasionally in touch with him, but hardly ever, when I got married.

Decided to invite him anyhow, and we didn't do a traditional sit down affair afterwards so no drama over speeches or tables. He didn't bring his wife which was a shame, for him, as he didn't know anyone, but I gather he did this to be sensitive.

I walked down the aisle with my DH, which felt lovely.

Nope! My mum gave my away and my sister was my bridesmaid and it was really lovely having both of them walking down the aisle with me

No and no.

Our reception venue was a surprise for our guests so my father and brother didn't know where it was. We also had security just in case someone told them on the day.

I didn't see him when he was dying or attend his funeral either. In our situation NC was NC.

My father was invited but my mother gave me away

Estranged means no contact whatsoever so your post makes no sense.

Nope, but then I didn't have a traditional wedding. If I had though it would still have been a no, I'd have done exactly as I did which was walk with my 6 year old niece who was my bridesmaid.

I’m not estranged from my dad as such, just don’t speak to him as he’s never really cared enough about a relationship with me.

I decided it would be too awkward to have him there, as I hadn’t seen him in many years - I didn’t want it to be about that rather than celebrating with friends and family. Of course he may not even have attended!

DH and I walked down the aisle together, even if I’d had a better dad I’m not someone’s property to be given away.

I’m estranged from my father. No invite to wedding and certainly nothing as meaningful as walking me down the aisle. I don’t see that anyone who doesn’t play a part in my life should be centre stage at major life events. Those things, to me, are reserved for the people who are actively involved in my life.

No I didn’t have my dad at my wedding as we were no contact.

I too walked myself down the aisle. Felt empowering.

I am estranged from my father, and my wedding would have to be my funeral because over my dead body would he even be in attendance

Absolutely not! Estranged since birth and saw a few times over the years. Didn't even consider having a stranger at my wedding and had my DM, the person who brought me up, walked with me (not a church and she certainly didn't give me to anyone!). I love all weddings but a traditional one is not for me.

Emotionally this was easy for me as he was not a presence in my life and I'm not big on the traditional style of wedding. I could see how this might be hard for you if you were estranged later in life or had a specific wedding in mind. But tbh getting married for me was about celebrating my relationship with DH with all my loved ones, and my dad isn't in that group.

We have a relationship that MN would describe as "low contact".

He pulled out of my sister's quite traditional wedding the week before as he was "busy with work".

I hate silly drama so DH and I decided, for various reasons but this was a big one, to have a private registry office wedding with no family and tell people after.

I am glad as it meant I just didn't have to worry - will he/ won't he come, will he say something upsetting etc. He also didn't visit when any of our 3 children were born.