To want a singalong in my (civil!) wedding ceremony?

I have never been to a wedding, church or otherwise

Do the people who are saying they would hate it and not want to attend never go to church weddings? Because they always have singing. And people usually just mumble along quietly if they don't really want to sing. How is this different?

Are you going to warn people in advance?

I would absolutely HATE this and would not attend. (anxiety issues) I have a real phobia about singing and dancing and have never done either so have managed to avoid such occasions all my life.

You can always do a hymn after the civil part is over. I've been to a wedding that did that.

My friend did it in her civil ceremony with Bring me Sunshine and that worked - it was easy to sing along with, a bit of fun and the right group of people.

I like this idea but do get a proper singer to lead the way and be prepared for everyone to be a bit shit

The thing about hymns (at least, traditional ones) is that they are very easy to sing even if you don't know them, as they are really predictable. Pop songs can be quite difficult, even if people think they know them. I think if you're doing this you probably want a group of friends who are good at singing to get together and more or less do a performance, while encouraging everyone else to sing along. That way, you'll have a decent rendition of the song(s) whether other guests sing or not.

I've been to a few weddings where people have done this (as a guest and whilst working), and while the idea always sounds nice the impact isn't generally great.

People usually sing with all the gusto of being back at school in a class assembly or something. A lot of moving mouths with no sound coming out, and the ones making noise aren't all getting to the final of The Voice...

Unless you've got a room full of thespians and drama students I would probably avoid it - imagine taking the barely-half-hearted attempts at hymns in your local church and transplanting that into your wedding ceremony.😖

But of course, as with all wedding-related ones - do whatever you want!

I suspect this is one of those questions where you need to know 'the crowd'.

I've been to weddings where most people are regular Church goers and would not bat an eyelid at being asked to sing during the ceremony, because that is what traditionally happens at Church weddings (as well as regular Sunday services) so it wouldn't seem strange. Ditto where there are a large number of people aged 60+, as most of us would have been to wedding when we were young, and, even if not Church goers, would associate weddings with singing hymns. I don't think singing a secular song need be that different. However, I've also been to weddings where I suspect the overwhelming majority of people haven't been asked to sing together since their Reception Nativity play, and I don't think such a request would have gone well there at all.

There is not enough bleach

save yourself and don’t google it

I went to a wedding where this happened it was unbelievably cringe for all involved… half hearted singing from people who wanted to do anything but.

Me too. It makes me want to crawl out of my fucking skin.

Oh god, this would be amazing

as a congregational singing/accompanying veteran, a few general considerations:

1. getting a group of people of varying musical experience to sing together in a group is a skill. Guitars and other "pluckies", even if amplified, aren't the instruments of choice, for acoustical reasons. If there are no alternatives, make sure there are a few strong singers who know the songs, well planted in the congregation.
2. contemporary popular songs may seem simple on the surface, because people know them, but tend not to go well with congregational singing. Often, the rhythms are too complex/syncopated: congregations do best with rhythmically fairly square tunes.
3. mixing amplified voices with congregational singing doesn't go well: the amplified voice is perceived as a solo, and people are self-conscious about singing along. Repeat the point about planting some people who know the tune.
4. assuming the venue doesn't have an organ/instrument in it, my advice would be to get an experienced congregational accompanist with an electronic keyboard, and to pick familiar tunes in a folky direction. Sure, people CAN sing along with a popular song recording, but it's not really meant for singing along with, so will tend to sound a bit unhappy.

It’s not genius. It’s pretty common

We did this and had the carpenters Top of the World. It was lovely and everyone sang

Last month everyone sang “Stand By Me” at a wedding I attended. It wasn’t cringey at all. A guy with a guitar led & the lyrics were included in the order of service. I enjoyed it.

Hmmm songs that are easy to sing on karaoke are surely the way ahead here, I Got You Babe - but the men do Sonny and the women Cher. All together at the end. Call and response matrimonial sing-off!

Everything I Do (I Do It For You) - Bryan Adams, okay it’s a giant cliche but I work on a main road and I’d say every other week I hear someone blasting this in their car, absolute undying devotion mega-banger.
It doesn’t sound like enforced fun to me, it’s a great way to express emotion.

I’d love it. I think it would be a lovely part of the wedding day

Well you could say that about the whole ceremony. It all has to be planned out with some or all of the guests involved at some point in some way or other. And singing and music are traditionally a part of many ceremonies. Including traditional wedding ceremonies. To look on it as “forced joy” is a bit miserable and can an odd way of framing it.

We had a singalong. It was great!

Only if they're proper 80s school assembly bangers!

Lots of people love singing hymns !

Anita Dobson, "Anyone Can Fall In Love".

Sorry, but I would absolutely hate this. I'd grit my teeth and join in to be polite, but I would be cringing inwardly the entire time.

I've been to lots of weddings where a spontaneous sing-song ended up happening during the reception (including my own!) and to me that's fun because it's unexpected and it happens naturally. I find organised 'fun' and forced quirkiness at weddings embarrassing.
I appreciate I may well be in the minority though.