GP displaying family photos, children's pictures dedicated to 'daddy' or 'mummy'

I’ve had three children in just over four years. Looking at me you’d probably assume I was super fertile.

You’d be wrong. All three were conceived through fertility clinics using gamete donation after a long journey with lots of twists and turns.

You don’t know what people’s stories are. Just because someone is fortunate enough to have healthy children doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t know the pain of infertility, miscarriage, etc.

She also had concerns about women who are seeking fertility treatment - do they really need to be reminded how fertile their GP is?

This is insane. Does she also think babies, small children and pregnant women should be hidden away so as not to upset women who can’t have children?

Though tbf most fertility clinics are covered with thank yous from the successful. We all seemed to cope

I think a dr can have family photos around, although I personally find it rather twee. I think your friends DIL is obviously grieving and maybe angry and thus affects how we see the world around us. I understand her reaction totally but, unfortunately, the world doesn’t stop for us. On a practical note, if appropriate, perhaps you could contact your friends DIL to commiserate and offer your condolences. A lot of anger and grieving in infertility is because you become invisible and your grief isn’t acknowledged.

This is quite interesting to me as I was super sensitive to seeing pregnant women and being asked when/if I was having children after I had two miscarriages and then struggled to get pregnant. I was also a bit rageful about how unfair it all felt!
But I went to see a lovely GP who was so understanding and compassionate and I remember she talked about it being also a difficult ride for her to have her two kids - there were photos of them on her desk/wall. It was so helpful and she was so kind. Her being a mother with two living children did not make my pain any worse, in fact I felt that she understood how painful it could feel to want something so so badly.

I can't have children now due to cancer treatment. I think it's lovely when I go to the GP and see photos of their children.

There's thousands of people with children out there. Are they all supposed to pretend their kids don't exist? Is it unreasonable for a GP to appear healthy when a patient is unwell? YABU.

Good point

Absolutely. And of all the horrendous problems in life, OP’s friend has no idea what the GP might be going through. A cancer scare? Death of her spouse? What if one of the children in the photo is no longer alive.

Do you see the problem with you and your friend here OP? You have no idea what other people are dealing with. Your friend’s daughter in law needs counselling if she is not coping in the world surrounded by other people’s lives.

My friend is a GP. She very deliberately doesn’t have any family photos or pictures of anything which could be triggering for exactly those reasons. All the pictures in her surgery are neutral landscapes or animals.

I have had multiple miscarriages. I have been to the GP many many times to discuss this and never once did it occur to me that it was unreasonable of them to have pictures of their children on their desk. People go to the GP for so many issues; it’s not like it’s only for fertility or miscarriage, and I’m sure many other people (eg the older generations) really like seeing them.

I was once upset that when I went to the miscarriage clinic and as I walked in the very heavily pregnant nurse was telling all of her colleagues how she was counting down the hours before she finishes her shift and goes in Mat leave. But the clinic was empty at the time and it was unfortunate timing… that was my problem not hers.

so yeah YABVU

I work with a GP who has had 4 failed ivf's and 3 miscarriages. Her consulting room has toys for children to play with and family friendly pictures on the walls.

I doubt not one patient thinks what she may be going through every day in her work environment to provide a welcoming, family friendly space.

YABU

I get it. After 4 miscarriages and going to see the GP in regard to this, it must have been a dagger to the heart. Yes she is being very sensitive, but that's how I felt after my miscarriages. Everything that reminded me of what I may never have was painful, plus all the hormonal fluctuations. I don't think he is wrong to have these pictures, but I totally understand why it hurt. YABU if you expect him not to remove these pictures, but YANBU for recognising this woman's pain.

Your friend is BVU. GPs have a very stressful job, why shouldn’t they have pictures of their family out to keep them going?

Sorry this is ridiculous. And I say that as someone who has been through the heartbreak of losing a child.

Exactly.

YABVU.
People’s circumstances however sad, have no bearing on the circumstances of this GP, who likely spends so much time away from their family it is a nice reminder of the reason they are there in the first place.
I find it a strange thing to be offended by. You have hugely overthought this.

I think far too sensitive and whilst it’s really and hard for her, life goes on, and other people have children, she will see pregnant ladies, friends could announce pregnancies.

I'm one of the 7% who think YANBU. But I don't really want to get into it on here.

I think there is a happy medium here. I wouldn’t say no family pics but I think it would be tactful to keep it slightly lower key.

Of course in our surgery we don’t have this problem because I am not sure the same doctor ever uses a room, if not the building, twice.

Incredible that you know the GP personally enough to know that these children were not conceived after years of infertility, IVF, or adoption themselves?

Also, as others have said, the world is not a child-free environment. She could easily have been sat next to a pregnant women, a newborn baby and a 5 year old just in the waiting room. People have children, it’s not a secret.

Mental.

Whilst we’ll all sympathise with anyone in this person’s situation, how many scenarios could you apply this to?

Wedding ring off in case have a patient who has recently lost their spouse or gotten divorced?

No hair on show when treating someone with alopecia?

I think GPs often have these photos/homemade pictures because they spend a shitload of time away from their family. It’s understandable. I bet it also helps build a rapport with some patients too, if they ask about the kids.

Maybe his kids are adopted. Maybe his kids are his step kids. Maybe his kids all died in a tragic accident. Maybe his wife had 10 miscarriages in the course of having those children.

I understand her sensitively here but kids, families are every where. Absolutely every where. She could meet a family in the doctors waiting room attending an appointment for vaccines before they go on a lovely exotic family holiday.

It’s tough, but it’s life. Father’s Day is tough when your Dad’s dead. Weddings are tough when you’ve lost a spouse etc. The world can’t stop because tragedy has happened or we’d all never do anything ever.

over thinking - you probably saw other people’s children in waiting room to. As a gp i have a picture on wall that a child drew when i was seeing their parents. when i had one of many miscarriages i ended up on ward next to person having termination.

life is sadly very unfair 😞

Before covid and hot decking, I used to have pictures of dc on my desk. In the long hours I worked without them it gave me a lift.