GP displaying family photos, children's pictures dedicated to 'daddy' or 'mummy'

I'm sorry your friend was upset (how did the DIL feel, I wonder?). However, I like to see my GP's family photos! Not all of the GPs in our local practice display them, but those that do somehow seem (illogically, I know)... more rounded? More human? And I think that's important in a GP because, unlike bank clerks or Boots employees, they are often dealing with people who are feeling worried, vulnerable, or scared at an existential level, and these little reassuring glimpses can help to reassure.

I've never had a miscarriage, so perhaps I'd feel differently if I had. But surely other people's babies and children are everywhere? Your friend and her DIL probably heard them in neighbouring gardens, saw them on the bus on their way to the appointment and sat near them in the doctor's waiting room. It must be difficult, but I guess that it's just one of those things that you have to overcome, unfortunately.

My GP has 7 children, which I can see from the family picture. As much as some people might find this hard, it humanises him and connects with other patients. I feel much easier talking to him as he's not going to say, "Wait, how many kids do you have?" when I am there with my youngest daughter and I mention my middle daughter and youngest son. In the end, he's obviously working to support his family and it's an important part of who he is. If it makes someone uncomfortable there are other doctors in the practice they can see.

I’ve had miscarriages and IVF and I wouldn’t give one iota about this. I would think that someone that did was deranged.

I think this is beyond ridiculous. I had a premature baby at 23 weeks, who later died aged 9 months and then a miscarriage at 20 weeks. At no point did I consider that the losses I had suffered meant that the GP I was seeing should not have family photos or drawings on display. I think this is an extremely entitled attitude. Your friend's DIL will have to learn to get on with her life in a world full of other people's children, unless the actual children should all be kept indoors in case they cause offence or upset too?
The world does not stop because of any individual's grief or loss.
The neonatal unit where my DD died had photos of all the prem babies who had made it home pinned to a clipboard. Even after my daughter's death, walking past that just made me glad that others had had a happier outcome. I don't think it occurred to anyone that bereaved parents would begrudge other parents their happiness.

I've had two miscarriages and it would not bother me a bit to see pictures of the doctor's children in his surgery, in fact it would display his human nature. Our MP is also a local GP and he has loads of pictures of his elderly parents, children and grandchild on his facebook page, I think it is just lovely.

I went to the GP because it knew I was really struggling with Pre natal depression (brought on by DV ) and the GP told me I should "think myself lucky because some people really badly want to get pregnant and can't "

Infertility struggles are shit. But people cant hide the fact that they have children just to make others more comfortable. And art like that in a GP surgery probably makes for a nice working environment for the GP and also I know it has helped distract me at times

I was going to say this. In my company we are not allowed anything at all on our desks. Nothing. Dispite being quite high security so even having a client on site would be very unusual. No one sees your desk. It's to remind you your not a person but a company resource. I remember having a conversation with someone above me about how I didn't want to work in the city because after childcare and the train fair I'd only break even at best. He seemed totally shocked that I'd want to turn a profit from working. When everything is a bottom line sometimes it's nice to remember your bottom line and why you show up

One GP I saw had pictures of his goats on the walls, another pictures of his horses.

That might upset someone who didn't like goats (I don't know anyone who didn't like horses)

I understand how insensitive it may appear when you have recently suffered a loss or are struggling to get pregnant but..... and I mean this kindly...

Have you ever considered how difficult it is for your GP, day after day seeing physically and mentally ill people, some lonely, some scared, some upset? Maybe the GP needs something positive to remind them why they are doing it like many workers.

Also from a patients perspective, if you are a parent and you are struggling, knowing that the GP you are talking to, also has kids and can relate has to be a bonus to so many.

And then lets not forget that the GP is there to treat you so may not want to divert the conversation from you to explain that they had IVF, adopted, struggled to conceive, have step children etc. You just don't know.

So I think your friends daughter is a bit tunnel visioned at the moment, understandably so but there are many different facets to this and its not as straight forward as it seems. What will she do....walk around with blinkers on so she doesn't see any kids at all?

She is grieving and struggling with that might never be, and she is allowed to work through that, but its not her GPs fault and they have their own struggles.

We are still fortunate enough to have human beings as doctors. We will miss them when they are gone. The GP is not a psychotherapist, there is nothing wrong with them wearning wedding bands, having photos of kids, their football club's emblem on the mug on their desk etc. People struggling with loss and grief need to seek help from a therapist to work through their grief, not the GP.

Your friends DIL is being ridiculous here! How does she know that the GP hasn’t adopted these kids or had fertility problems of their own?

So people who are unhappily single would be legitimate in expecting married people not to flaunt their partnered-up status by wearing a wedding ring?

The DIL's very understandable trauma over her miscarriages is what needs to be focused on here, not what family pictures the doctor has in their office.

They can do what they want in their own consulting room. It’s rather controlling to say they shouldn’t be allowed to. I say this as someone who had a fair amount of fertility issues, took years of trying and 3 rounds of IVF before we got there. Think positive, your friends DIL’s GP hopefully won’t take great delight in telling people how she tells her children to have babies when they are young, to avoid issues with conceiving like my GP did to me. Not super helpful or true -l know a 22 year old who has had 2 rounds of IVF

Sorry but if I have read correctly, DIL has 4 living children and has lost the 5th (very sad, not taking that away from her). But she has 4 children. She is a mother. Seeing pictures dedicated to mummy should not be causing this reaction. Of course she will be sad about her loss but she is hardly infertile and if she can't stand being around signs of parenthood, how is she parenting her other 4 kids?
Should they ban babies from the waiting room too? Take down any posters about vaccinations and breast feeding clinics?

Who’s to say the GP hasn’t had fertility treatment themself?
What about posters of a breastfeeding baby in the surgery, what about babies on tv, what about anything at all with children and babies?

I’m pretty sure the friend’s DIL will be seeing babies and children every day - does that mean nobody should take their kids out?

Obviously it’s sad if they’re trying to conceive and because they’ve had miscarriages but to deny others of being happy/having their kids pics up, is too much too far.

I think you are right. I think it's inappropriate. I think yes there should be sensitivity to the situation of patients,

One or two little pics maybe but not a whole big display.

If this is reasonable in her mind, expecting no photos, drawings etc, where does she draw the line? Do kids waiting to see the GP as patients have to be hidden away in a separate area too? Same with pregnant patients and staff? What about going to the doctors, walking or driving, does she go out of her way to avoid passing schools so she doesn't see kids? Does she never go to the park because she can't stand seeing kids there?

As sympathetic as I am, (and I know it probably doesn't come across like that, but genuinely I wish her every success with her journey), kids and pregnancy are a part of every day life that she can't avoid unless she never leaves her house, never watches TV and never uses the Internet. As counsellors often say, you can't change other people's behaviour, you can only change how you respond to that behaviour.

I genuinely suggest grief counselling, for the 5 awful losses she suffered and the grief she feels at losing the expectation of having a family.

Yabvvvu

I think she would feel upset at ant reminder of her losses whether that's the nappy aisle in the supermarket a gp's family photo, a colleague talking about their own kids, a friend announcing a pregnancy. The issue is she is grieving and it's very hard to want a baby and not be able to have one. Other people treading on eggshells around her won't really fix her grief. It might be difficult for her own mother to see her dd so sad but these are feelings she needs to process. I sincerely hope not her fertility struggles don't end with a family of her own it is something she will need to live with.

What happens with other patients who have chronic illnesses OP, should the doctors hide that they're healthy, a non-smoker, don't drink, where does it end?

That's so lovely. My son's teacher has a photo of his child who died on his desk. His class has raised lots of money for the charity who helped him, they say that the charity helped their teacher so they are helping the charity.

You know in one of my previous pregnancies I decided to do a private scan. This private scan was done by a fertility clinic.

In the waiting room there were lots of pictures of babies born due to fertility treatment and lots of thank you cards.

We also had our 1 1/2 year old son with us because we had nobody else to look after him.

I'm sure you could argue that pictures of babies in the waiting room and us taking our child with us to a fertility clinic could be triggering to some people.

But unfortunately, even though it's good to be sensitive, we can't remove all triggers at all times.

Of course the GP should be allowed to have pictures of his family.

It’s not even her!! It’s her friends DIL! I’m sure DIL would love to know her private feelings which may be the type of irrational thing you share with family only but wouldn’t to a wider audience are now all over the internet with us all saying she’s unreasonable, I hope this post never finds her.

Our GPs used to have this then they got a new building and they hot desk now so nothing personal is in the room

Seems a bit unprofessional and over-sharing to me for a public-facing setting. I'd find it a bit distracting and wonder about the relevance, as a patient or colleague. It suggests work/home boundary issues. A few discreet photos, personal items, ornaments or whatever might be expected. But this sounds over-the-top. As an aside, I once worked with child sex offenders who access GP services.