GP displaying family photos, children's pictures dedicated to 'daddy' or 'mummy'

YABU , the GPs consulting room is his office and most people who have their own office have personal photos on display IME .

As someone with fertility issues (someone very lucky to have had one successful pregnancy) I think YABU. Tbh I probably would have felt the same and been angry but it’s the wrong focus. Going through fertility problems is so all consuming and even something as simple as passing a few mums in a row pushing prams can make you feel so angry! It’s crazy, not to mention all the hormones on top.
I think more concerningly unless things have changed are that when you are in for things like scans or miscarriage or ivf that you are either in the same part as pregnant ladies or nearby so having to walk through it all. I will never forget a few years in for me and another scan and as I sat there all these pregnant ladies around me. Then a lady was wheeled in right to the back in the middle of a miscarriage and I can still hear the cries. I kept thinking of how hard that must be for her and then when it’s all over and time to leave she’s passing all these pregnancies waiting on their scans. I was also at the time so aware of how scary that would be for the mums sitting there waiting because it can happen to anyone. I really hope she got her happily ever after but that was honestly so horrendous and sad.

edit- if I had commented on photos my DH and DM would have quickly brought me back down as the world doesn’t revolve around me!

This smacks of main character syndrome.

Presumably there could be real children, not just pictures, in the GP surgery waiting to be seen. Should they be hidden away as well? Ridiculous.

I really sympathise with your friend's daughter in law, infertility is awful and can feel really isolating when it seems like everyone else Is having babies really easily and you're the only one struggling.

But expecting a GP not to display pictures of their family is totally unreasonable. If friend's DIL is lucky enough to have a baby, then it's very unlikely she'll hide her child away because of how others may feel.

Haven't rtft, but in case no one’s mentioned it….why d’you assume that the GP hadn’t been through similar difficulties on their way to having children?… HCPs aren’t immune from the problems that affect people!

I had 5+ miscarriages before I finally got pregnant and stayed pregnant with my son. The pregnancy was horrendous as I developed hyperemesis and was in and out of hospital due to dehydration due to such severe sickness, I was finally pregnant and could never enjoy it, it was miserable and lasted the entire pregnancy until he was born.

I then had my healthy baby boy. Then he was diagnosed with cancer when he was 8, had severe complications, almost died, survived against all of the odds but is now in a wheelchair and disabled and will likely need care for the rest of his life.

Sometimes having children means experiencing a different heartbreak. Being bitter about it isn't going to help anyone, especially me and isn't suddenly going to take back my son getting cancer or the fact that I also had many more miscarriages after he was born too.

At first I thought you were talking about grandparents and thought it is quite a lot to ask themnot to display photos of their grandchildren.

I personally dont think it is at all necessary to display an array of finely photos in client facing job. I'm sorry, but I kinda find it eye-rolly and would really consider it performative parenting.
But from the point of view of being sensitive to fertility issues, I think it is one of those things that might suck but doctor doesn't have to take it into consideration. It it was a fertility clinic, then it would be tonedeaf.

Thank you! Knew I was missing something.

I'm a bit surprised by photos purely for privacy reasons, but it depends where you are - in a small place chances are everyone sees and knows the GPs family anyway. But I think that although your friend found them and the drawings upsetting, there's a lot more patients who will feel that it makes the consulting room and doctor less intimidating. And that has to be a good thing.

I had fertility issues and never gave it a seconds thought - there are kids everywhere in the world anyway. What if your GP was pregnant should they not go in incase someone is triggered?

Had 5 miscarriages myself. Yes it can be ‘triggering’ to see the mummy and daddy pics or other mementos, but, frankly, so can walking past a playground, sitting next to a mother breastfeeding in a cafe etc. Short of people hiding the children away as they did in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, there is no escaping the existence of happy, healthy children or a person’s parenthood.

Am afraid this is a suck it up and get over it scenario. We’ve become a society where people are supposed to be cushioned and shielded from distress rather than offered compassion and understanding whilst they develop some resilience. My pain is no-one else’s responsibility. And I shouldn’t have to sensor myself or edit my persona in case I trigger someone else’s trauma. We all have baggage. For all you know the children in the GP’s photos are adopted or achieved after 5 rounds of IVF or the spouse is battling breast cancer.

So, no, totally fine for a GP to have pictures personal photos on their desk.

Why would one photo be a different matter to several?

YABU

I agree with a PP. Your friends DIL has come to her own conclusions from the photographs and pictures. None of us can know what other people's lives are like or how difficult (or indeed easy) things are for them.
I can't imagine how she feels.
A good friend of mine lost her DS to cancer. She went back to her job as a teacher after a few months and we have had many conversations about how she manages that. For me, seeing other DCs would just remind me of what I had lost. But she just says, well they are not my son.
Grief hits us all differently but I think it is unreasonable to expect other people to adapt their lives to the extent of banishing their joy just in case someone else is upset by seeing it.

You are being ridiculous.

I think this is ridiculous! I’d think how lovely, they want pictures of their kids. I’d also think they’d be an understand Dr, knowing they have kids who they adore means they’d understand how important having kids is for you!

People cannot walk round on eggshells. Other children and babies exist in families and the family are entitled to lead a full life, as any family do.

@qwertyasdfgzxcv what a lovely touch. Our doctor used to do the same when my sons were small x

Simpsons reference.

Absolutely I never take that for granted! I used to live in an area where you'd wait 2 hours in the call line and then there'd be no appointments available 😭

Literally no one has said otherwise, almost every single poster myself included has said she was being unreasonable

That has nothing to do with your invasive and tone deaf post about how maybe she should have started ttc earlier.

How do you know the GP doesn’t have fertility issues? For all you know it took them multiple rounds of IVF or the child is adopted.

Maybe they also had fertility issues - you don't know their journey...

Im sorry for their. As someone who's had miscarriages. I couldn't have cared less if my doctor had family photos.

That made me think of this. It's not often that an episode of The Simpsons has made me cry.

You have indeed found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow 🌈.
The hoop jumping most of us have to endure yours is definitely not a shared experience for many.
Glad you've got that available though 👍😁