Is this grumpiness, early dementia or abuse?

You could obtain a non molestation order which would set conditions, one of which would be he must keep away from you/ not contact you directly or indirectly. He has threatened you and is abusive. Seek legal advice asap

Repeating my previous message about getting some legal advice.

I echo the advice given OP. He's very sneakily forced his money on you by insisting on doing things to the house/garden, and thinks that that entitles him to a share of your house. IT DOES NOT!!

Call the police, and tell them that he's threatened you with violence, you've asked him to leave, as the house belongs to you, and you alone, but he's refusing. Tell them that you're frightened to talk to him about it any further, for fear of violence, and ask them if they can come and escort him from your property. Also, tell them that you have a big burly son who would happily throw him out, but you don't want him to get into trouble, as it is bound to turn nasty.

Finally, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, do not mention giving him any money at this stage. If he insists that you owe him, then tell him you will NOT discuss the subject until he leaves your home permanently, but that you may be willing to come to an agreement, once he has left. That is, of course, if you still want to after his latest behaviour.

Good luck OP, and please keep us informed, so that we can continue to advise and support you.

Get proper advice and fast to get him out of the house

Phone the police now. Report the abuse. Tell them you asked him to leave and he has refused.

Get the locks changed when he leaves for work and get a security camera/doorbell

Phone woman's aid for advice

Tell people who love and care about you what's happening. You need support in real life. People who know you who can look after you and support you in practical physical ways we can't.

This guy is dangerous. He's threatening. I would tell key friends so that they know what's going on for your own protection. Take care

This.
Contact Women's aid and ask for advice.
He has zero rights to YOUR house.

Do not complicate this by saying you want to give him money.

It is your house.
He deliberately forced stuff on you so that he could claim rights.

He has confirmed that to you.

You need to be clever here.
Call 101 and ask for advice.
He's a bully.
Forget about your neighbours.
Focus on getting this abusive man OUT OF YOUR HOUSE.
Key in the door.
His stuff packed outside.
Change the locks.
He has threatened to hurt you.
Things will get worse not better.
Act now.

Tell him he has no entitlement to your property so he can either leave or you can call the police, report his threat of violence and get them to physically remove him.

Let’s see if he leaves today like he said he would last night

I think you're being way too passive. Get rid of him !

He was devastated that she ended things.
He wasn't moved in but had been bring up their future plans regularly.

She had had a good marriage and wasn't interested in adjusting to the intense intimacy of living together with someone else.

This is all second hand of course, but the surprise and upset of the decking did the rounds.
Funnily enough her lovely neighbour had been given the impression it was a much planned surprise by him, and was very upset to learn she was upset and shocked upon her return.
No wonder her sister thought she was being played.

OP, I think you have absolutely been boiled frog emotionally abused by him, slowly, slowly, drip, drip, drip.

Undermining you.
Breaking you down.

Your conversation with colleagues etc., confirm you are not this aggressive ogre.

This is a narrative that he has created to shut you down.
This is the nature of abuse.

You aren't allowed to say a word.
He gets to mess and piss everywhere.

Please do not dismiss this as accidental.

He knows EXACTLY what he has been doing.
Don't fall for it that he is "misunderstood".

This is a man whom has been emotionally abusing you deliberately and is extremely controlling.

Abuse thrives upon secrecy.
Tell your son the truth.
Get him out.
Take careful advice.
Hand over, agree to nothing.
The house is yours.
Don't be played by thinking his forced spending on your house means you owe him anything.

He knew EXACTLY what he was doing.

My friends grandma 84 lovely lady a gentleman from the church latched onto her. Widowed also 18 months ago, it went from lunch out to his feet under the table most days

Grandma said I know he's nice and lonely but I'm done with picking up socks etc. Once a week is sufficient, lunch out, not in my kitchen.

Please God he's gone this evening. Otherwise call in the cavalry family wise.

Let’s see if he leaves today like he said he would last night.

I wouldn’t wait and see, I’d make sure it happens!

Him investing in your house, stuff you didn't ask for is a deliberate move on his part, so that you owe him.
It is what controlling manipulative men do.

A friend of a friend was seeing a man and he was very keen for them to marry.

She liked him but was in no rush whatsoever to move things along.

She went away on holiday with her sister for a week and he had offered to water the garden for her, which she accepted.

She returned to a part of her garden dug up and an decking installed as a gift for "them".

She was very very upset.
Thankfully she turned to family who came into the house after dropping her back from the airport.

He was given the choice of restoring the garden to how it formally looked or acknowledging it as a surprise gift.

Her family really stepped up.
Thankfully she realised they were not on the same page and she ended things.

Her sister remained highly suspicious of his intentions and 'nurse with a purse' was bandied about a lot.

He was devastated by the split.
Get good advice.

I don’t see this as dementia, sounds like he’s always been like this.

I wouldn’t give what others think a second thought, couples split up all the time, if he’s speaking to you like that in front of people and in the back garden they are probably already wondering what you’re thinking in staying with him.

Definitely wouldn’t be giving him 50% equity either.

It's not just a recent dementure thing though is it. It's been going on for years, getting worse, he has always been grumpy. 3 other people have noticed, 1 picked him up on it, publicly!

He's owed very little money wise. Sort that bit out soon. You sound kind so offer him a proportion.

Do it sooner, rather than later. The sooner you do it the better. 'He'd been vile to her for years, rather than the cow dumped him whey dementia started showing and she didn't want to nurse him (what a bitch) , nasty rumours, people always do gossip.

Good God please don't marry him, ever, please ask him to leave. Just tell him how abusive and demeaning and miserable he is.

Why on Earth would you give him glad the value of your house? Please don't do this. Tell him to leave. He sounds vile.

This situation is not going to improve. He is 65. It will only get worse. Counseling or therapy may help you at this point, but it is not going to change him. Please get him out of your life / house / financial entanglements and move on.

I’m sorry I haven’t read all of the replies.

This is surely over. Why spend any time with a man who treats you like this. Not sure why you got back together with him before.

i personally would get legal and financial advice. You don’t have to do exactly what they advise if you think he should have more.

How much would he have spent on renting a flat for the past ten years? More than £80k I can tell you.

' I don’t want my relationship to fail. I want him to admit he needs help and to rebuild it but if he can’t or won’t then I will walk away. '

What makes you feel he wants AND can change?