To ask how much energy and thought you put into maintaining eye contact and thinking about your facial expressions in conversations?

Ps now I've had my self indulgent hissy fit on this thread 🙈... I've re-read your OP again and my god, I could have written it.

Especially the bit about the nodding and smiling to make sure I look like I'm eagerly listening (but I'm so busy making sure I look like I'm listening that I'm...not listening) I also tend to disassociate when people are talking to me and I really don't mean to. But (sorry, him again 😑) my husband is a terrible monologuer, I mean really long drawn out info dumping in a monotone flat voice with no clue or care that he's being so boring. So I've kind of got used to switching off the moment he opens his mouth. I think I've got so used to doing that , that my mind now instantly goes to 'switch off' if someone is telling a slightly longer story.

I also am terrible if not relaxed at being the one speaking. I'll try and wrap my story up really quickly as I feel self conscious and awkward and start over explaining: person: "what did you do this weekend?" Me : " we just popped to the park so erm, yeh, so, yeh... So how are you ? You ok yes? Yes? "

Ps I don't know whether I'm just mentally unhinged (it's possible 🫩) but, when I'm talking to people I'm so so conscious of what my mouth is doing. It's all I can think about. Hoe my teeth and lips are looking whilst I'm talking. I loved it when we wore masks so that I could relax a bit and hide my mouth. I also like wearing sunglasses for the same reason. I'm less self concious. I can't bear eye contact though. Stress makes it worse, and with a stressy autistic DH that makes me feel constantly on edge, I'm pretty much always stressed.

ND and I always worried that I was focusing on one eye and wasn't making the right amount of eye contact...

I must admit that I've read a few comments from those who have said not ND and thought 'hmm'. It's very difficult to not see the signs when you've been diagnosed. I'm sure it's more common than the numbers reported.

Constant. Absolutely constant. I very rarely relax in a conversation. And when I do it's wonderful. But I don't know 'peace' - not really.

I'm constantly thinking about how my mouth and teeth and chin look (minor imperfections but I'm obsessed with them ) I wish I had a nice angled jaw bone and good strong features but I don't and it makes me insecure.

I'm conscious of how I'm positioned and how I'm standing , what I'm doing with my hands. Whether I look fat or whether I'm being judged. Then I come across as false and grinning like a loon.

I hate my accent so I try to speak more eloquently (false again ) I wear myself out on a daily basis. Sometimes it's so exhausting I have to shit myself away and protect the world from me. Then I feel isolated and low.

I know I have ADHD (constant overwhelm/paralysis, occasional burst of doing everything really quickly plus many more traits.) but it won't be a fashionable diagnosis soon and will be met with an eye roll - so I won't bother pursuing.

My DH is undiagnosed autistic and his social skills and basic courtesy are zero. Our lives are the "Paul show" (not real name ) the marriage drains me so much. I've just shrunk. Good points too, but it's been a particularly bad day with him, wandering off many metres ahead in a sea of thousands of people at a festival type thing. Usual practice. Oblivious. Talking about it is a waste of time. I have shitty social skills now, but can't figure out if I'm on the spectrum or if I've spent so long with him that it's rubbed off. He doesn't like to socialise so I've lost many connections. Not the life I wanted to show my kids. (They have a blessed life in most ways ) Sorry I needed to rant tonight. I'm just getting it off my chest. I don't want solutions, I can't take them anyway.

So yes, very self conscious, definitely ADHD, some autistic traits (always felt everyone around me relaxes and is just normal and there's something I don't understand about the way the interact ). Sorry for the Debbie downer post.

I’m the same as you OP — I’m NT to the best of my knowledge although I do sometimes wonder.

I've lived in this skin for so long now I know that some people are going to be pissed off at my very existence. Thankfully I've lived so long in my skin I can be my natural self (helpful and handy) which the vast majority of people view kindly upon. It's still tough putting up with the nasty people (I'm alone with an autistic son - probably through my choice as no man can come near to my expectations) but hey ho!

The nasty people are just mere blocks in my way - to be overcome. I may or may not be autistic myself - don't care and it doesn't matter as I've done a super-fine job in helping my autistic son negotiate the many blocks in his way set by far lesser people than him.

Non at all and I'm ND (ADHD).

I am deaf though, so I'm staring at people's mouths to lipread all the time which removes a lot of the awkwardness since I don't ever have to think about it. I've found it makes a lot of ND people feel very comfortable around me though since I'm never making direct eye contact while still making it very clear I'm paying full attention.

A lot.

I'm probably somewhat autistic but I'm trying not to think about it too much.

I have to consciously make an effort to make eye contact, otherwise I’d look away. I don’t know why but probably an anxiety, self esteem thing. I’m NT as far as I’m aware.

NT - none - it just happens naturally.

OP I could have written this! I’m diagnosed with various MH conditions, but am not autistic to the best of my knowledge.

I'm very aware of the fact I'm not making eye contact much.
NT as far as I know,- I do wonder sometimes but don't have any traits that aren't manageable so haven't gone into it.

Fuck that, it’s a zero from me.

I rarely think about it tbh, unless someone is making too much or too little eye contact

I don’t think about it - I’m neurotypical as far as I know.

I rarely think about it tbh, unless someone is making too much or too little eye contact

pretty much everything I say to anyone out of my immediate family I worry about have I said the right thing or said too much to little etc . It's horrible and yes I am neurodiverse

Interesting thread!

I dislike eye contact; it makes me feel uncomfortable as it's too intense. I can't do it almost at all when I'm the one talking; I just look away most of the time. When someone else is talking it feels rude not to, so I do it, but I have to concentrate to make sure I am, and I worry I'm doing too much. I like to have a drink in my hand or something, so I can break eye contact occasionally and look down. It feels like a great moment of relief. Yes, I focus on my expression and feel like I'm on a stage.

Heaven knows if I am ND. 3 of my children are autistic, so chances are, I am too. I certainly relate to their struggles very closely.

I don't think about it at all. Neurotypical, as far as I know.

NT here

Not something I ever give thought to, except occasionally in work meetings when I am trying my hardest not to roll my eyes

I'm autistic. I don't think about eye contact very much although I'm aware that I don't tend to make eye contact if I'm talking because I'm too busy thinking. So I try to look at the person occasionally. My reactions are a bit delayed...they may have moved the conversation on and I'm still smiling about the last thing they said. And ending a conversation is always awkward.

There may be other reasons for lack of eye contact, for example, if a man fancies me and I don't want him to think it's mutual, I will avoid eye contact.

Yep I'm like this. Very aware of how I'm acting with others.
I don't think I'm ND. I mean maybe I am I don't know, but even so, so what? Probably explains it at least.

Same as you, OP.
I have an autism diagnosis.

I'm the same OP- constantly thinking about it. NT as far as I know.

I don't give it any thought at all. I like making eye contact and smiling and apparently can't disguise what I feel or think even if I tried, people can read me like a book! I don't think I'm neurodivergent. It must be very hard if you have to constantly monitor inwardly what you are doing.