To ask how much energy and thought you put into maintaining eye contact and thinking about your facial expressions in conversations?

A lot- diagnosed autistic and adhd.

I find myself doing this with most people, except the ones I am closest to. NT as far as I know.

NT, never think about it.

I wonder what the overlap between hypervigilance and ND looks like.
My face is guileless, I probably look into people's eyes more intensely than they're comfortable with, I lipread, the fact that I'm aware of this suggests self consciousness.
I give less fucks now I'm older and have good friends who accept me for who I am so am not guarded around them. I wish I could have given less fucks when I was young, life would have been easier.
I was also constantly pulled up on my less than acceptably feminine behaviour and was expected to be a people pleaser so could be nature or nurture.

I became aware about 20 years ago that I naturally tend to avoid eye contact and that when I do make a conscious effort to look at the person I'm talking to, even briefly, it greatly changes the whole mood of the conversation.

So, when speaking to strangers, yes I make an effort to appear "normal" and to chat, although I'm not at all at ease in such situations, and that gives me better outcomes than I used to have before I realised that I never looked at people when I spoke to them.

As far as I am aware, I'm not neurodiverse, though as I've never been analysed or tested, I cannot verify that.

I know, and have been told, that my emotions show on my face, so I actively try to be neutral in situations where me thinking "god this guy is a plonker, what a load of shite he's talking" would not be acceptable (lol).

As far as eye contact goes, I don't think about it a lot. No conversation takes place with two people looking into each other's eyes constantly, that is too intense. It happens when we're really engaged but it is intermittent. The only time I notice it is if someone gives no eye contact at all, because that can seem rude, but we all drift off into concentration and thought and our eyes just do whatever they want at that point. It's not something to overthink.

A lot. But it’s part of my job as I deal in soft skills and getting a relationship with people quickly.

Yes, not diagnosed but definitely ND. I have this internal, running conversation all the time. I’ve done it so long, that I ignore it most of the time but occasionally, my brain will “wake me up” especially if I catch sight of my resting bitch face and realise my brain has been telling me to smile, just bl**dy smile, for quite a while! This happens when I’m trying to multi-task and the mask slips!

To me it is learned behaviour...

I always am conscious of whether I should be smiling, how my face should look, what my expression should be. None of it is 'natural' basically.

I always worry I come across as odd so it is all a mask.

I suspect I am neurodivergent. Frankly I don't enjoy talking to people much anyway and it is exhausting to always try to 'fit in'.

I am less bothered with pretending now that I am older and just prefer my own company.

I can relate OP - and also to what others are saying. Feeling less weird and alone now - yay! Years ago someone told me I don't really make eye contact so after that I was always trying to make sure I made good eye contact in conversations. Then I heard or read that too much eye contact can also be unnerving for people so then I started to worry about what was the right amount. I was in a GP appointment once and saw his computer screen and it said I had "flat affect" (although this was never discussed with me).

Since then I was diagnosed with ADHD (I was an adult already but it was quite a while ago now, I think around 10 years.) Sometimes I think I might be autistic too but I may have been drawn in by social media stuff. I do relate to some of the criteria, but some not at all, and the ones I do could probably be accounted for by ADHD or anxiety, or growing up in a home without much positive mirroring or emotional interaction.

The more I worry about it, the more tense I feel and I think this probably shows on my face and makes me more off-putting to people 🙃I can't seem to get out of the spiral though.

ND and hearing impaired. I tend to look at mouths and have been told I don’t make enough eye contact with strangers. I am OK with people I know.

I don’t think most people can tell the difference between eye contact and bridge of nose contact/forehead? That can be much easier to maintain NT AFAIK

my job involves a lot of active listening so I am quite hot on this. I make my kids (both NT) use their manners with eye contact too and do not allow scowling.

I almost never think about it.

I’m neurotypical. I don’t give much thought about eye contact and facial expressions. The only time I do, is when I notice the other person is acting ‘differently’ or something is slightly off, I’m not sure how to word it. Sometimes my brain picks up subtle things in the other person, maybe something that makes me uncomfortable or wary? That’s when I become more aware of things like eye contact etc.

It depends who I am talking to. Family and friends, never give it a thought. Work meetings and meeting strangers in social settings - very aware of my body language and responding appropriately.

I think the ND/NT stuff has become meaningless on Mumsnet so I am not proferring a diagnosis of that.

NT and none whatsoever.

I do however find it glaringly obvious if people are ‘unnatural’ in their eye contact and conversational traits.

I am Nero divergent. I dont think about making eye contact it just happens.

Struggle is a strong word 🤔 i just have to be conscious of my facial expressions

NT

i do make eye contact but i need to be careful of my facial expressions as i have resting murders face and i struggle to look engaged if i am bored for example

I maintain eye contact. I never give it a thought.
I lip read too because I’m deaf.

I find it difficult when others don’t make (at least) some eye contact with me because I also read facial expressions.
It’s rude for them not too.

I'm almost certainly ND. Autism in close relatives.

I'm constantly aware of what my face is doing. I have a poker face by default so I have to make a conscious effort to look sad or whatever the conversation requires. I feel those emotions but they don't always translate across..

I find eye contact when I'm listening to someone is either ok, or can be very uncomfortable depending on the situation. If it is someone new, or in a group, or a professional meeting, then I'm like you and constantly thinking about having to maintain eye contact and whether what I'm doing is OK.
Making eye contact when I'm talking to someone however... that is a real struggle and uncomfortable! I have to tell myself again and again that I must do it!

ND, late diagnosed autistic.

I don't worry so much about facial expressions but I do with eye contact, I maintain for a bit then feel its too much and look away but then feel I shouldn't look away so look back again. I did have a prolonged eye contact conversation with someone the other day and it felt so uncomfortable but he kept maintaining eye contact so I felt like I ought to as well.
If I'm standing up when talking to someone I worry about what to do with my hands/arms, and keep folding and unfolding and sticking my hands in my pockets and things like that.

I think there's a possibility I'm ND but not enough to make me seek diagnosis.

This is me but I am NT, or so I thought. I sometimes wake up in the night worrying about interactions I have had during the day. I just thought it was anxiety.