Boyfriend doesn’t want me to wear makeup “hates it”

I have a couple of stock replies for people who "don't like" the things I wear, buy, say, or do.

"Don't wear it then," or "the door is there, no one is stopping you from using it."

Unless they have a valid point, such as, "I don't like it when you let that man put you down constantly because you deserve better than that." Comments like those are worth taking on board.

But I am old now and no longer have the patience or energy to deal with fragile, insecure man babies.

Seems there's quite a lot he doesn't like 🙄

I'm not sure why you're still together tbh, I couldn't be doing with that incessant nipping.

I am going to ask 3 questions @itsprobablyjustaphrase

Does he bad mouth your family or friends?

If you say you are going out to meet a friend is he encouraging or does he pout/come up with reasons you can't/try to guilt trip you/keep phoning or texting?

It is just possible he woke up Christmas time and realised after 2 years that he loves your fresh faced look more. Maybe.

So I wonder if this is an odd blip in an otherwise harmonious equal relationship or have there been moments where you are questioning yourself or finding yourself perplexed and puzzled. Perhaps changing your behaviour so as to not have him kick off or upset him. Or re-running a scene through your head trying to make it make sense. Have you experienced any of this?

This ^ and watch out for red flags next time OP.

“i am sensitive though and he’s said before I can’t take criticism.”

He is wearing you down. Is there anything good about this relationship?

He's a controlling wanker. Why are you putting up with him? He doesn't even like you. He's commenting on your makeup, clothes, cooking. He's got something to say about everything. Make him single and let him find a non makeup wearing, chef in a style he likes. You are you. You are perfect as you are. Don't change yourself. Change your partner to some one that lile you exactly as you are.

he's controlling.
criticising you about everything is intended to destroy your confidence.
it is a form of abuse.

“You don’t need makeup”

”Thanks for your opinion, I like wearing it”

“I prefer you without makeup”

”I prefer wearing makeup and my preference is my priority”

“Your foundation doesn’t match your skin tone, look at this line”

”Have you thought of applying for a job on the beauty counter in Boots? Or joining the Taliban? Do you speak to women at work like this?”

“Why are you putting make up on you’re going the shop!”

”Its a free country”

“Why are you painting your face?”

”Its a free country”

“You don’t need all that”

Silence

“I hate it when you wear lipstick”

”Thanks for letting me know”

“Your lipstick is wonky”

”Not a crime as far as I know”

“you don’t need all that on your face”

“I want makeup on my face”

OP please stand up for yourself. Finish it. It’s only going to grind you down until you don’t recognise yourself.

Call it a day. Send him on his merry way to find a woman who fits his requirements better.

No op he is controling and it’s escalating!
If you go to a makeup counter do it for you

Honestly though he will wear you down and you won’t recognise yourself . Get out now before he changes you and you struggle to get back to yourself .

Don’t tell me you live with him? Please get out now.

Bin him. Future you will be very thankful.

I agree. I married a man in my mid-20s and his coercive control started with the little things. By the age of 27 he wouldn’t have been happy even if I went out in full niqab (neither of us are or were Muslim) and by 29 I’d divorced him.

Does not seem to me to be a relationship that should continue and you should end it. Make-up comments are not the only issue.

I wish you felt able and comfortable to be make-up free, but defend your choice not to do so.

@itsprobablyjustaphrase a classic combination of someone controlling in a relationship with someone not good at standing up for themselves.

Speak out. Tell him you wear make up because you want to wear make up, so he either needs to accept that and not mention it again or find himself another girlfriend.

Personally I think life is too short to spend it with someone like that.

Agree. The extra update from the OP tips this into very concerning behaviour for me.

Has he been watching Andrew Tate type nonsense online?
This sounds like the start of a slippery slope. I would tell him you will wear what you want on your own face and he can stop commenting on it or it’s over, and mean it.

It's entirely up to you what you wear on your face. I personally often prefer people without make up. I just like the natural look. Maybe your boyfriend genuinely thinks you look more beautiful without make up. But it's not up to him. And he could be saying it to be nasty. It's hard to know.

With your self blaming you have victim of domestic abuse written all over you.

Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Read these books.
Read Why he do that? Lundy Bancroft
Women who love too much. Robin Norwood

I’ve just read your updates.

Why are you with him? He’s undermining and diminishing you at every opportunity.

God he sounds dreadful sorry @itsprobablyjustaphrase As people have said, he wants to control you and tell you how to behave and how to look. It's the thin end of a huge wedge, and yes, more red flags than a communist parade. He will go from strength to strength in his controlling of you, and your life will be miserable with him.

He wants you make up free, because he thinks you will be less attractive to other men. Such bullshit. I think some women look better with make up, some don't look better, and some look just as pretty with or without. I remember getting hit on by a man when I was in the swimming baths! I had wet, flat-ish hair, and no make up on, and he still found me attractive. Wearing no make up is not a guarantee that you will get no men coming after you.

Your boyfriend is an idiot. Throw this one back. You deserve better.

He's a controlling arsehole. Fgs stop trying to find reasons why it's somehow your fault - I'm too sensitive, my make-up is wrong, I'm rubbish at standing up for myself. You shouldn't have to stand up to nit-picking criticism from a partner! The answer is not to alter your behaviour or to learn how to cope with his attitude. The answer is to dump this twat.

He's a controlling arsehole. Fgs stop trying to find reasons why it's somehow your fault - I'm too sensitive, my make-up is wrong, I'm rubbish at standing up for myself. You shouldn't have to stand up to nit-picking criticism from a partner! The answer is not to alter your behaviour or to learn how to cope with his attitude. The answer is to dump this twat.

He’s insecure and wants you to look like a plain Jane when you leave the house in case you get spirited away by another man! 🙄

Unfortunately, insecurity leads to jealously and spitefulness and his constant criticism is not constructive and is picking away at you so that you will second guess yourself and feel anxious.

‘Desmond, this chipping away at my self esteem with your silly comments about my make up and hovering over me in the kitchen has to stop. If it doesn’t then it’s goodbye.’

or better still, ‘Goodbye Desmond, you’re an arse.’