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Boyfriend doesn’t want me to wear makeup “hates it”

258 replies

itsprobablyjustaphrase · 21/06/2025 22:30

My boyfriend of 2 years has started making comments about me wearing makeup. I’ve never worn a lot of makeup, just some concealer, mascara and fill my brows in. Sometimes, if we’re going out I will put more makeup on, maybe some blush or eyeliner but it never takes me more than 5 minutes! It’s not a lot at all. I have nothing against people who like to do their makeup, I think it looks lovely on people, I just don’t have the skill or patience to do it.

Since Christmas he has been saying:

“You don’t need makeup”
“I prefer you without makeup”
“Your foundation doesn’t match your skin tone, look at this line”
“Why are you putting make up on you’re going the shop!”
“Why are you painting your face?”
“You don’t need all that”
“I hate it when you wear lipstick”
“Your lipstick is wonky”
“you don’t need all that on your face”

I wear makeup because I don’t like my bare face, it does feel like a security blanket to have some mascara on to open up my eyes a bit. I’ve always worn it, with or without a boyfriend.

Part of me thinks he’s doing it to be nice, but the other half thinks he’s being nasty?

I don’t know why this has suddenly become an issue. But it’s making me feel a bit down.

Aibu to think it’s quite mean?

OP posts:
Cherrytree86 · 22/06/2025 11:11

Just dump him OP @itsprobablyjustaphrase

end of. Simple as that.

nam3c4ang3 · 22/06/2025 11:10

He sounds like a cunt. HTH. Dump him.

IzzyHandsIsMySpiritAnimal · 22/06/2025 11:07

Please end this now. If he wants all those things he shouldn't have got with you in the first place.
He sounds absolutely horrible.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 22/06/2025 11:07

Darling…please take the good advice that’s been given here in this thread.

This man is no good for you.
I know it’s easier said than done, but for your own safety, you should end this relationship.

itsprobablyjustaphrase · 22/06/2025 11:05

I am not confident at all. I have a prior eating disorder and feel very uncomfortable in my body at the moment. I’ve asked him if he thinks I have put on weight and he said no.

but then we looked at old photos and he said “god you were tiny then”. On Friday I had a small pasta dish for my late lunch at 4pm ish, at 8pm I asked what he wanted for tea and he said “you’ve just eaten? What food do you need?”. And then randomly the other day “do you think you eat more now you’re in a relationship?”

I am not overweight at all. Maybe I have put on weight, I shouldn’t have asked him, but it feels so cruel. But then again I’m like well you did ask? And maybe it feels kinder to do it through little comments rather than “yes you need to lose weight”

OP posts:
Bonbonthechewyone · 22/06/2025 11:01

OP, I really hope you are reading all these comments. He is controlling, he is trying to knock your confidence, this will spiral.

Unfortunately, a lot of us have been there. My horrible ex's skills set included love bombing, gaslighting and giving/withholding affection as a form of control. He tried to tell me what I was allowed to do. Two and a half years I put up with it and I just cannot believe it happened to me because I'm a really confident person.

It might be upsetting at first, but you won't regret dumping this bloke.

itsprobablyjustaphrase · 22/06/2025 10:59

2catsandhappy · 22/06/2025 10:02

I am going to ask 3 questions @itsprobablyjustaphrase

Does he bad mouth your family or friends?

If you say you are going out to meet a friend is he encouraging or does he pout/come up with reasons you can't/try to guilt trip you/keep phoning or texting?

It is just possible he woke up Christmas time and realised after 2 years that he loves your fresh faced look more. Maybe.

So I wonder if this is an odd blip in an otherwise harmonious equal relationship or have there been moments where you are questioning yourself or finding yourself perplexed and puzzled. Perhaps changing your behaviour so as to not have him kick off or upset him. Or re-running a scene through your head trying to make it make sense. Have you experienced any of this?

He doesn’t stop me seeing friends and family and doesn’t call or text when I am with them and doesn’t stop me going anywhere.

I do feel like nothing I do is ever good enough - but then I think it’s comments about makeup and cooking, maybe I just need to let it go. The makeup thing, he’s always said “you don’t need makeup” but the comments have ramped up up lately and I am wondering why there has been a change.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 22/06/2025 10:58

He is a control freak. Only one way. Get rid.

itsprobablyjustaphrase · 22/06/2025 10:56

He is extremely critical of everyone, he does the same to his sisters and mum. But they just laugh it off.

I have said to him before “it’s my face” etc or “I’m cooking not you” and he just says “you can’t take criticism at all”.

He already criticises my parenting, saying I’m too loud when we’re playing or that I need to be stricter.

We live together.

He doesn’t stop me seeing friends or family, but I notice I don’t see them as much.

He says all the time he’s not the jealous type. But I do think he doesn’t want me to look nice when we go out. Just a feeling.

OP posts:
TheGlamour · 22/06/2025 10:51

Is this real, @itsprobablyjustaphrase? I’m actually hoping it isn’t because it’s putting up my blood pressure.

I hope the reason you haven’t come back isn’t that you don’t like the responses? Please don’t be one of those posters coming back in a year’s time with a post that begins He’s a great dad, but … I suffer with my mental health, and …

Please, please recover your backbone and leave this repellent excuse for a human being - before he completely wears you down.

Disturbia81 · 22/06/2025 10:50

itsprobablyjustaphrase · 21/06/2025 23:01

i am rubbish at sticking up for myself, and sometimes I just think maybe I should grow up about getting upset about stuff.

like hell criticise me for the most pointless of things - even how to cut a sandwich, or will re/do something I’ve just done even if it’s “right” - like if I put the microwave on for 2.5 mins he’ll say “that’s meant to be on for 2.5 mins” go over, check, turn off the microwave and turn it back on to 2.5 mins!

other stuff like when I’m cooking and I leave the room he’ll turn the heat down on the pan, or start stirring! It drives me mad

Just reading this is infuriating me. You are NOT being oversensitive at all

Toadstoollover · 22/06/2025 10:50

I haven’t read the whole thread but he is chipping away at your self confidence and self esteem.
Imagine having kids with him and him being this critical of your parenting.

He will continue behaving like this until you are a shell of your former self. Please consider leaving him.

Gowlett · 22/06/2025 10:49

He sounds like a pernickity kind of person.

Disturbia81 · 22/06/2025 10:47

myplace · 21/06/2025 22:33

And so it begins.

That’s controlling. Has anything happened around that time? Did you get a promotion, or did a man speak to or compliment you? Did he get a confidence knock?

This.. some of these creatures belong in a swamp.

ChristmasFluff · 22/06/2025 10:45

OP, you are not too sensitive, you are getting upset because he's a controlling arsehole and your body is rebelling and wants rid of him. Listen to your emotions. Listen to yourself. This is not right, and there is nothing you can do to fix it.

Dump him, it only ever gets worse. No-one needs to spend their life walking on eggshells like this.

Itiswhysofew · 22/06/2025 10:45

My DP has never commented negatively on my appearance. He says I always look nice. I dress how I want to without reference to him or anyone, and that's how it should be for you.

Ask him why he does it and what's he really wanting to tell you. Being so critical of you is really unhealthy.

Myfridgeiscool · 22/06/2025 10:43

The mask is slipping OP. He’s managed to keep it on for 2 years, this is the real person.

It'll get worse. Ditch him pronto.
Enough women have been in your situation to give you a really crystal clear picture of what he’s doing.

crumpet · 22/06/2025 10:43

You don’t owe him anything and you don’t have to be with him.

He sounds like an arse, who doesn’t see you as an equal member in the relationship.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 22/06/2025 10:39

Don’t put up with this. If he’s like this after two years, imagine what he’ll be like in ten!

whistlesandbells · 22/06/2025 10:37

I don’t even need to read your OP to know. I have.
Get rid of him and keep yourself safe from him. He’s an abuser. It’s ramping up. This is the real him.

Comedycook · 22/06/2025 10:34

minipie · 21/06/2025 22:33

Well your OP says you wear concealer mascara and brows only. But your BF mentions foundation and lipstick. Which is it?

Ultimately it’s your face, your choice and he should be more tactful. But maybe your foundation/lipstick does look a bit too obvious and need a rethink?

If the op wore absolutely no make up and her boyfriend was pressuring her to wear some...would you say, perhaps you would look better with it, maybe you need a rethink?

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 22/06/2025 10:31

Tell him if he doesn't like makeup he doesn't have to wear it.
In all seriousness, don't let him control you.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 22/06/2025 10:28

He’s chipping away at your self esteem, OP.
Today it’s your makeup, and next week, it will be something else, and then something else again.

This won’t get any better.

supersop60 · 22/06/2025 10:27

itsprobablyjustaphrase · 21/06/2025 23:01

i am rubbish at sticking up for myself, and sometimes I just think maybe I should grow up about getting upset about stuff.

like hell criticise me for the most pointless of things - even how to cut a sandwich, or will re/do something I’ve just done even if it’s “right” - like if I put the microwave on for 2.5 mins he’ll say “that’s meant to be on for 2.5 mins” go over, check, turn off the microwave and turn it back on to 2.5 mins!

other stuff like when I’m cooking and I leave the room he’ll turn the heat down on the pan, or start stirring! It drives me mad

This IS controlling, and it will only get worse.
How often do you see friends and family? Or does he complain about that too?
LEAVE.

Cherrytree86 · 22/06/2025 10:15

Dump him Op he sounds a prick

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