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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not to want my young adult son having sex in my house

237 replies

SunnyBlueLurker · 21/06/2025 18:09

In my house?

New build. Thin walls.

His girlfriend is lovely (24), and he’s 23, but she has a lot of responsibilities. Last night I heard him say to her that he didn’t have anything on him (context must’ve meant condoms). And she said she didn’t either, both had a little laugh about it.

Heard him say to her ‘I love seeing you as a mum. I don’t mind if this makes that happen’ and off they went on their jolly jiggles! I was mortified. Mortified! As I say, paper thin walls and I was in the middle of texting a friend.

I have been exact in repeating what I heard to see if anyone other parents here would also find quite upsetting/strange and uncomfortable to hear.

AIBU not to want him having sex in my house? Or do I just blatantly make a lot of noise if I can hear them, or knock and say keep it down? Don’t think I’d have it in me to knock!

I cannot say this isn’t partly fuelled by the fact that I’m so worried he’s going to get her pregnant. What a disaster.

What do you think?

His dad sadly passed when he was younger so no other parent to ask about what they think.

OP posts:
Coconutter24 · 21/06/2025 18:22

SunnyBlueLurker · 21/06/2025 18:18

Then why are they having sex in your house?

They went to school together but she lives an hour away and I get the impression she doesn’t want him meeting her DC so sensibly isn’t having him around her house

If she has her own house why can’t they go to it? Her child presumably isn’t left home alone while she is out so surely that would mean her house is free

pinkdelight · 21/06/2025 18:22

And you can absolutely have that conversation because the reality of your house is that you’re involved in their conversations and sex life whether you like it or not. If he wants privacy and parenthood, he needs to get his own place.

CeaselesslyIntoThePast · 21/06/2025 18:21

You aren’t stopping two youngsters in their 20’s having sex. You may as well have them doing it somewhere safe at home.

Guavafish1 · 21/06/2025 18:20

just tell him

pinkdelight · 21/06/2025 18:20

SunnyBlueLurker · 21/06/2025 18:14

I like this reply!

I like it too. And frankly if he’s old enough and earning enough to be actively risking making babies, then they should be in his own place anyway. If he still lives with his mum because he can’t afford to live independently, then he needs to not make her a mum any time soon!

UndermyShoeJoe · 21/06/2025 18:20

Hmm I think the fact she’s trying to be partly sensible in not introducing him to her dc is a good thing however surely her home is empty when she’s at yours?

Though I would be careful not to push too hard and end up with him moving in with her playing step dad.

how old are her children and how long have they been together

Holluschickie · 21/06/2025 18:20

millymollymoomoo · 21/06/2025 18:19

Tell him if he can’t afford to move out he can’t afford to be a dad and stop being an irresponsible idiot

I would say this.

AlpacaMittens · 21/06/2025 18:20

LoafofSellotape · 21/06/2025 18:12

You need to have strong words about having protected sex. Remind him the walls are thin and you don't want to hear them at it!

He's TWENTY FOUR.

Honon · 21/06/2025 18:20

And pp need to come off it, you absolutely cannot have a conversation about contraception with a 23 year old! He knows already!

LoafofSellotape · 21/06/2025 18:20

SunnyBlueLurker · 21/06/2025 18:13

Is this appropriate given his age? Feel like it’s such a grey area

Damn right it is!

millymollymoomoo · 21/06/2025 18:19

Tell him if he can’t afford to move out he can’t afford to be a dad and stop being an irresponsible idiot

NevergonnagiveHughup · 21/06/2025 18:19

I’m also in the “not in my house” camp.

My house, my castle and I want to fully relax inside the four walls. Can never do that when there are non-family staying.

There’s no way they’ll ever move out if it’s a hotel/laundry/restaurant and shag house….

Honon · 21/06/2025 18:19

I suppose then they can just go to her house.

But it sounds like they're talking about trying for a baby? Are you worried it's not serious or old enough for that or do you just not like her? Curious about why it would be a disaster, they're not teenagers.

zaicandy · 21/06/2025 18:19

SunnyBlueLurker · 21/06/2025 18:16

She has a DC and lives in her own house

ask him to travel to her and have sex there when DC is not in the house

PluckyChancer · 21/06/2025 18:18

She’s 24 with a child??? I’d tell him to run. 😳

Sharptonguedwoman · 21/06/2025 18:18

I think I'd buy the biggest box of condoms possible and plonk it on his pillow. And have the conversation.

ShesTheAlbatross · 21/06/2025 18:18

SunnyBlueLurker · 21/06/2025 18:15

Yes, really! He’s not a teenager

I agree. I’m not sure “strong words” about contraception are really appropriate for a 23 year old. But a frank conversation about the realities of parenthood (especially when he’s not even living with his partner) would be ok - including how you won’t be babysitting!

SunnyBlueLurker · 21/06/2025 18:18

Then why are they having sex in your house?

They went to school together but she lives an hour away and I get the impression she doesn’t want him meeting her DC so sensibly isn’t having him around her house

OP posts:
crazycatladie · 21/06/2025 18:17

I would say , I don’t mind you having sex but keep it down the walls are paper thin, so thin that I heard your conversation last night, make sure you’re being responsible. I’d say this while I was doing something so to keep it lighthearted.

SunnySideDeepDown · 21/06/2025 18:17

I’d mention that your heard him and ask him about his plans to become a father over dinner. Where would the baby live as it wouldn’t be in your house.

He needs to wake the fuck up and not get a girl pregnant when he doesn’t even have his own house.

Holluschickie · 21/06/2025 18:16

Then why are they having sex in your house?

AppleKatie · 21/06/2025 18:16

That changes things. They can have sex there for a start.

SunnyBlueLurker · 21/06/2025 18:16

CluelessAboutBiology · 21/06/2025 18:14

Do you mean she has children? If so, where do they live? Does she have her own home or does she live with family.

She has a DC and lives in her own house

OP posts:
Holluschickie · 21/06/2025 18:15

He may not be a teen but you will be left housing this baby, no? He appears to be lacking in sense.

TinyTempest · 21/06/2025 18:15

SunnyBlueLurker · 21/06/2025 18:15

Yes, really! He’s not a teenager

What's that got to do with it?

Just speak to him for goodness sake.