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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not to want my young adult son having sex in my house

237 replies

SunnyBlueLurker · 21/06/2025 18:09

In my house?

New build. Thin walls.

His girlfriend is lovely (24), and he’s 23, but she has a lot of responsibilities. Last night I heard him say to her that he didn’t have anything on him (context must’ve meant condoms). And she said she didn’t either, both had a little laugh about it.

Heard him say to her ‘I love seeing you as a mum. I don’t mind if this makes that happen’ and off they went on their jolly jiggles! I was mortified. Mortified! As I say, paper thin walls and I was in the middle of texting a friend.

I have been exact in repeating what I heard to see if anyone other parents here would also find quite upsetting/strange and uncomfortable to hear.

AIBU not to want him having sex in my house? Or do I just blatantly make a lot of noise if I can hear them, or knock and say keep it down? Don’t think I’d have it in me to knock!

I cannot say this isn’t partly fuelled by the fact that I’m so worried he’s going to get her pregnant. What a disaster.

What do you think?

His dad sadly passed when he was younger so no other parent to ask about what they think.

OP posts:
AgnesX · 21/06/2025 18:36

Does he really want to be a father, can he financially support them? He needs to start thinking with his brain. As his parent its a really good idea to start dinning into his head that he needs to be responsible.

As for her, she also needs to give her head a wobble unless she wants to be on MN in the not too distant future about being up the duff with an unsupportive partner....

MemorableTrenchcoat · 21/06/2025 18:35

Plantlady10 · 21/06/2025 18:34

Disregarding all the other issues, I don't think that is a red flag! She's an adult and has a child, what is wrong with that?

If the genders were reversed, this would definitely be considered a gigantic red flag on here.

UndermyShoeJoe · 21/06/2025 18:35

Plantlady10 · 21/06/2025 18:34

Disregarding all the other issues, I don't think that is a red flag! She's an adult and has a child, what is wrong with that?

I do agree to there. I was done having children by 24 with my husband. Same father to all my children aswell.

Plantlady10 · 21/06/2025 18:34

PluckyChancer · 21/06/2025 18:18

She’s 24 with a child??? I’d tell him to run. 😳

Disregarding all the other issues, I don't think that is a red flag! She's an adult and has a child, what is wrong with that?

BruFord · 21/06/2025 18:34

My parents didn’t let me have sex in their house and I was fine with it. I don’t think I’d enforce that for my children but if I heard anything, I’d def. mention it.

Given that you could even hear their conversation, I’d be frank and say that’s how much the sound travels in your house, OP. You can literally hear everything.

DH and I make sure that ours don't hear anything, they’re 20 and 16, they’d be mortified. 😂

UndermyShoeJoe · 21/06/2025 18:33

I hate to be the person bringing down another women but I’m going to do it.

Are you a wealthy family op? As in if she had an oops baby with your son would that help her?

If the answer is no then she’s just silly in “love” if the answer is yes then I’d make sure to proceed carefully and fill up a condom bowl.

DiscoBeat · 21/06/2025 18:33

I think at this point I would be getting a dog and going on lots of walks!
But also having the very important conversation about protection!!

LoafofSellotape · 21/06/2025 18:33

AlpacaMittens · 21/06/2025 18:20

He's TWENTY FOUR.

And?

MemorableTrenchcoat · 21/06/2025 18:32

SunnyBlueLurker · 21/06/2025 18:26

They hadn’t seen each other since ages 15/16 until 5 weeks ago

She has her mum watch her DC whilst she pops over here for a bit in the evening but never stays overnight with us

He has been to her house once when DC was at nursery

He wants to impregnate her 5 weeks into their relationship? Yikes.

viques · 21/06/2025 18:32

AlpacaMittens · 21/06/2025 18:26

Absolutely fair enough for OP to say no partners in her house. It's her house, her rules.

But you really don't have "strong words about contraception" with a 23 year old.

Well I think you do in this situation. Five weeks into the relationship, she already has a child……….

Holluschickie · 21/06/2025 18:31

This reminds me of the scenes in AJLT where Miranda has to put up with her son's loud sex to be a " cool" mum.
You don't need to be that cool if you don"t want to be, OP.

ConfusedChristina · 21/06/2025 18:30

I think it is whatever you are comfortable with, it’s your house. Having written that, do you have men stay over, if so, maybe that puts a different light on the situation.

if it was me, l would mention l can hear everything, which will probably solve the problem

l would also make it clear, that the house isn’t set up for a baby, and where does he intend living if his girlfriend becomes pregnant.

if you say nothing, he might just assume that mum will be happy with everyone moving in…..

viques · 21/06/2025 18:29

CeaselesslyIntoThePast · 21/06/2025 18:21

You aren’t stopping two youngsters in their 20’s having sex. You may as well have them doing it somewhere safe at home.

She already has a child and her own home. He still lives at home but is not a teenager . If they want to have sex in a safe place then they have options. It’s not a question of bus shelter or bike shed.

Daleksatemyshed · 21/06/2025 18:29

Regardless of everything else, if his GF doesn't want to introduce him to her DC yet then they need to stop taking chances with contraception.

SunnyBlueLurker · 21/06/2025 18:29

Festivespirit85 · 21/06/2025 18:26

But will take a risk in getting pregnant by him 😬

Lord only knows what’s going on. As I say, it isn’t like I was in the room. Maybe what they were gesturing at or meaning wasn’t what I heard. Maybe she pulled a condom out of her pocket and that’s the laughing

It does worry me. But isn’t my business. She’s a grown adult herself who lives alone with her DC so she isn’t living with a parent who she’s depending on, I suppose

OP posts:
GrimDamnFanjo · 21/06/2025 18:28

SunnyBlueLurker · 21/06/2025 18:26

They hadn’t seen each other since ages 15/16 until 5 weeks ago

She has her mum watch her DC whilst she pops over here for a bit in the evening but never stays overnight with us

He has been to her house once when DC was at nursery

5 weeks?!

Festivespirit85 · 21/06/2025 18:26

SunnyBlueLurker · 21/06/2025 18:18

Then why are they having sex in your house?

They went to school together but she lives an hour away and I get the impression she doesn’t want him meeting her DC so sensibly isn’t having him around her house

But will take a risk in getting pregnant by him 😬

AlpacaMittens · 21/06/2025 18:26

Coconutter24 · 21/06/2025 18:24

23 and living at home, even if op just points out if he gets her pregnant she so t be housing them that might make him be more careful

Absolutely fair enough for OP to say no partners in her house. It's her house, her rules.

But you really don't have "strong words about contraception" with a 23 year old.

SunnyBlueLurker · 21/06/2025 18:26

They hadn’t seen each other since ages 15/16 until 5 weeks ago

She has her mum watch her DC whilst she pops over here for a bit in the evening but never stays overnight with us

He has been to her house once when DC was at nursery

OP posts:
screwyou · 21/06/2025 18:25

I have two young adult DC and my rule is the must be discreet. I don't want to hear them anymore than they'd want to hear me having sex.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 21/06/2025 18:25

SunnyBlueLurker · 21/06/2025 18:13

Is this appropriate given his age? Feel like it’s such a grey area

It absolutely is, give that you’ve heard him speak irresponsibly about the chance of a pregnancy! Is he in any sort of position to support a child, both financially and otherwise?

Mydahliasareshit · 21/06/2025 18:24

Is he hoping to move in with her do you think?
Does she own it or rented / local authority.
This is the great problem facing young people today - how the heck can I leave home and start my independent life?

Coconutter24 · 21/06/2025 18:24

AlpacaMittens · 21/06/2025 18:20

He's TWENTY FOUR.

23 and living at home, even if op just points out if he gets her pregnant she so t be housing them that might make him be more careful

Holluschickie · 21/06/2025 18:23

If he's old enough to have loud sex and sort his own contraception and be a dad, he's old enough to move out.

viques · 21/06/2025 18:22

SunnyBlueLurker · 21/06/2025 18:13

Is this appropriate given his age? Feel like it’s such a grey area

If they are discussing it loud enough for you to hear then yes, say something. If only to remind them that condoms are not 100% ( and even less effective if you don’t bloody use them!) so they need to be belt and braces their contraception arrangements. It will also let them know that the walls are thin, so if you can overhear conversations you can also hear them having sex.

If someone doesn’t have a home of their own then dicing with having a baby is stupid. Tell him to get his ducks in a row before he thinks about being a daddy.

Have just realised she already has a child, so at least one of them knows the consequences of unprotected sex. Does she actually want another child or someone to help her bring up the one she already has?

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