Not to want my young adult son having sex in my house

Why is nobody questioning a 23 year old still living at home..??
he needs to get his own place

I agree with others he is too old to be having sex with gf under your roof. If you had a big house and you didn't hear a thing, maybe, but to be able to hear this level of detail in their conversation and in their rumpy-pumpy time is really not on.

Three different things...

1. Should you allow sex in your house? I'd say it's silly to oppose it, but it's your house so of course you can. But then you have to say that out loud.
2. Should you let him know you can hear everything? Yes, but that's not on its own a good reason to disallow sex because it implies that you just want them to do it quietly. And, again, you have to say that out loud.
3. Do you have any right to get into the unprotected sex thing? Well, you do - because you heard the conversation, and you'll have to admit that - but he also has a right to tell you to mind your own business.

I'd say now was a good time to move out too.

Id be more concerned about the getting her pregnant jokes.

I think you need to talk to him about not creating children he can't provide for. Whilst he lives at home and is in a relationship I dont think its unreasonable hes having sex although I do think he should be more discreet but he shouldnt be having unprotected sex and making babies when he doesnt have his own place.

I wouldn't think it ideal as 24 is quite young to have a child and also be on your own so possibly the relationship was either it very strong or non existent. It seems early to be getting into another relationship if her child is nursery age. The son could end up keeping her and two children if she gets pregnant. He may not have thought this through.

Why is he still living at home at 23?
if you live in a modest size home w thin walls, and he needs to stay at home for whatever reason, he needs to stop having loud and disrespectful sex in the house.

and him not using a condom is terrible! Beyond making his Gf pregnant there STDs to think of. I’d have a serious conversation w him.

If this is the case then they have no reason to be having sex in your house! Say she can’t sleep over - he can go there, she must have childcare arranged when she’s at yours.

It would be really weird to ban your adult son from having sex in your house (especially if he pays digs).
If his girlfriend becomes pregnant, that’s on them! It’s not like you’re dealing with 16 year olds. And banning them likely wouldn’t change the outcome anyway. If it’s going to happen, it’s going to happen. Do I think they’re being daft and irresponsible? Yes. But banning them from having sex is not the answer.

And put a box of condoms in the bathroom cabinet

Suggest you and him go to Starbucks and have a conversation like this in the car.

"Love, I know you're an adult now and it's not my place to control you even if I stood a chance in doing it! Are you aware how paper thin these walls are? I don't want you to be embrassed, but honestly I already am! I can hear you and girlfriend talking in your room. I can hear other things too. And I bloody wish I couldn't! You need privacy. Maybe you could put on music when you're in your room?

You're going to make your own choices, of course you are, but after what I heard the other night, I'm concerned about you becoming a father in the near future. If you're making that choice and you're making it with your eyes wide open I have nothing further to say. This is your life, and your choice. If you want to talk to me, want to discuss anything, want advice from me, I'm here. You can talk to me about absolutely anything. Now, shall we get cake as well as coffee? "

It depends on how close you are to your son - I'm close to my kids - and am likely to say I can hear you - you know

If I were less - in your face - I would by condoms and put them in his room with a note 'I can hear the walls are thin' - and hoped he picked up the hint.

At the same time if it is his home too- and I didn't want to hear - I would make sure I was out of the house a bit to let him have his freedom.

Sounds like as another poster says. His the rebound. This isn’t serious. This a chap she feels safe with while she rebuilds her confidence with.

Sad for your son in that sense. But I wouldn’t worry too much as this relationship lasting long.

His what my friend calls a maintenance man. She has no desire to marry or have a long term relationship she wants sex and keeps her Children well away from him, once she feels they are too close she removes from her life. The baby comment may well of been that step that ends them shortly.

Where is her child when she's at your house? Is someone staying at her house to provide childcare or does she visit your son when the child is with it's father?

I’d give him a big box of condoms and ask him to put some music on to drown out the sex sounds!

But if you’re really uncomfortable with them having sex in your house then you’ll just have to tell him not to.

I agree with this and we are not the only ones! It’s just not spoken about on here as much! We did take our two on a holiday and one of them brought a bf, and one bought a friend. but we made sure the accommodation was appropriate and somewhat separate. And they were in an established relationship.

Op has a right to feel comfortable in their own home as well! The home that they pay for and clean.

I would leave the gf out of this and have a strong conversation with your ds about responsibility and appropriate behaviour op.

If he can’t take responsibility for planning ahead and buying a packet of condoms then he is not old enough to be having sex basically, leaving aside the question of where! Take him through what happens in the event of an unplanned pregnancy. Talk to him about abortion and what a woman goes through emotionally and physically. Ask him who is going to bring up this (hopefully) fantasy baby and where all three of them are going to live?

And if he is not mature enough to have a serious conversation with you about this, or understand that responsibility goes hand in hand with rights, then he is not mature enough to be having sex. If he pleads embarrassment, tell him that you were not exactly comfortable hearing the bed springs bounce the other night and listening to the pair of them laughing about bringing an unplanned child in to the world.

Op this is your home. Of course your son has a right to privacy and respect but it works both ways.. And he forfeits all rights when acting like an irresponsible inconsiderate, idiot! Sorry, I know you love him, but you have rights in this scenario too. Especially when you would be heavily involved in “holding the baby” in the event your son’s gf did get pregnant. You didn’t want to overhear, but now you have, you can’t just sit back and absolve yourself from all parenting responsibilities. You shouldn’t have to involve yourself with the sex life of a 23 year old but youngsters this age are more immature because of the pandemic, and because we have molly-coddled them frankly! Besides which, he involved you by choosing to have sex in your home where you live too!

You could mention to him that the walls are very thin and he might want to play a bit of music for privacy. Not too loud. Just loud enough.

The fact he may be getting off to the fantasy of impregnating her is probably something you should try very hard to forget and just keep your fingers crossed he starts playing some Barry white of an evening.

Either that or buy a bag full of condoms and chuck them on his bed

It's his home too at the end of the day...if you're allowing his partner round they're obviously going to be having sex.

That doesn't mean you should be subject to it though. If you can stand the cringe, just pull him up and tell him that you can hear everything that goes on in his room when she's there, and that he's not to do the no-pants-dance while you're home. Otherwise maybe leave him a note?

I'd be more concerned with his attitude towards contraception. Would you let him have a child in the house if it came to that? If not, you should be honest with him about having to find his own place if he became a father, and how difficult that would be with a newborn and a blended family.

It's appropriate regardless of age of he's daft enough to be having unprotected sex when he's not in a position to support a child. They need to be living together and both on board, rather than just wanting that in the heat of the moment. He needs a realistic understanding of what a baby would entail, and more life awareness if he's not realising he can be heard through paper thin walls. I'd be having that conversation with him even if he was 43 and still lived under my roof.

It’s still fine to be reminded. I honestly wonder if he’s maybe hoping to be a dad, especially if he’s bonded with her child which I hope he hasn’t as she’s just got divorced.

I would say I’m not ready to be a grandmother yet and ask him directly what precautions is he AND she taking. If he’s old enough to have sex, he’s old enough to talk about contraception. I’d have some condoms and you’re not sure he’s using any or you hear conversations like the one you described, I’d knock on the door and in my best Mrs Overall style put them on the bedside cabinet and say I had a a few spare and thought you might find them useful. (I might add that I found the ribbed ones particularly effective so highly recommend or something along those lines) then I’d leave them to it. (and wet myself laughing).

Your more restrained than me. I would have walked straight in the bedroom after hearing that and asked the wtf they were thinking.

Hopefully mortifying them enough to wise up.

But since this is after the fact. If you can't speak tot hem face to face then Id send them a text explaining what you heard and going forward it would be best if his gf didn't stay over

She is on a rebound. It probably won’t last long term with your son.

He's not a teenager, but a young adult, so I reckon the ship has probably sailed on the safe sex talk.

You do need to tell him you can hear him having sex in your house, though. It's not really reasonable to expect him not to have sex where he lives when he's 23 and in a relationship, but it is totally reasonable not to expect to hear it. I'm sure he'd be really embarrassed to think that you could hear it too.