Not to want my young adult son having sex in my house

Five weeks?! So she’s being sensible not introducing her (VERY) new boyfriend to her son, but if she did get pregnant then what?!

I would be 100% say something. It is way too soon and he is not in the position to take risks

At 24? Don't be ridiculous

Yes I get that prices have risen more than income. But if he can pay rent at home surely that’s equivalent to rent for a room in a flat share in a similar area?

I would catch your son on his own and tell him that the walls are paper thin in the house and therefore you can hear any 'activities' going on in his bedroom! Point out that you're sure he wouldn't want to hear you having sex next door, no more than you want to hear him, so pleased keep the noise down. Oh and by the way I don't wish to be a grandmother yet!!! Leave it at that and walk away. I lived in a lower ground floor flat, and our neighbour had the top floor, the property was once a house. We could hear the couple in the upper floor flat having loud sex, there was zero sound proofing. I caught her in the shared back garden hanging out her washing and said to her 'not sure you are aware but we can hear everything in our flat, and I mean EVERYTHING', she looked mortified and went bright red, but after that we didn't hear them! Sometimes, you have to be honest.

Who says they should live by themselves? He can flat share like most young people used to do. I did and so did practically all my friends from after uni and until late twenties when people coupled up and could afford (tiny) flats just for two.

living by yourself with other similar age young people is a great learning experience and lots of fun. Makes you lots more independent. And everyone’s having sex so no one cares about hearing each other.

Living at home at that age is awkward and this sex situation is likely just one aspect of the awkwardness.

It doesn’t have to be strong words as previous poster commented but a chat about possible out comes isn’t unreasonable

A room in my old street is £550 a month plus bills if you want a double it’s £650. Definitely not any luxury flats for the £950 my sibling pays.

When we rented our first house in 2009 a 2 bed with garage was £495.

I don't charge my kids rent or board in this housing market.
In return, no partners.

Lol at this. Lots of places are too expensive for young people to live on their own. We are in Greater London. Between commuting expenses and low start up wages very few young adults can move out. The only ones I know who've done it generally did because they have horrible relationships with their parents.

My elder DD stayed home after uni until she was 26 and finally got a mortgage (with the help of the bank of M&D). Similarly, younger child lived at home between uni and 27 when she moved in with her BF.

I didn't police their sex lives though. At some point you have to trust that you brought them up right.

If he lives there and pay board then you can't really dictate what he does with his genitals behind his closed door. He's a grown man.

If his gf is staying over too frequently you can maybe have a word about that but you can't ban him for doing sexy time in his mid 20s?!

Unless you can hear them but even then just tell them to be quiet.

What is it that’s really bothering the most? That you can hear them or that he may end up fathering a child with a woman he barely knows and that he can probably not financially support?

If it’s the noise, be careful how you approach this. If you can hear him, he can hear you if you bring someone home. You’re going to sound hypocritical if you complain about the noise to him. If it’s the fatherhood issue, you can drop hints that you don’t think it’s a good idea to be having children when you don’t even have a place of your own. But ultimately they will do what they want to do. If they want to have sex, and if they want to make babies, that will happen either in your home, or at a Travelodge, or at her place, or wherever. Nothing you can do about that.

Ugh. Hopefully, anyone mature enough to have sex would be mature enough to know that other people don’t want to know the moment that it’s happening!

I’d tell him you don’t want him and his girlfriend having sex while anyone else is in the house.

I get that, but surely if he had a full time job he can rent somewhere super cheap and make it on his own? When I was 23 I was living in a dodgy part of London in a flat share with 4 other people. Just paid rent for my room. Had a boyfriend too who stayed over most the time and because this was a flat share w other young people this was fine. This was in 2005. Taught me to take care of myself and not take things for granted. Also, I had a blast and would do it all again if I could, the shitty job and weird times too.

nobody needs a two bed luxury flat to themselves at 23. Going back in time people had even less at that age. So fed up w people acting as if this generation of young people are somehow so much worse if than we were. They have higher expectations is what it is.

Keep condoms in the bathroom cupboard and remind him to use them quietly!

Oh god no, no one wants to hear their kids shagging, any more than kids would want to hear their parents at it. I would be horrified

Just yell "you'll have to be married before the baby arrives!"

Yeah. Easy. Why doesn't he do that? Why are so many young people still living with their parents? They should get their own place - problem solved. Piece of cake. I mean, it's not like there's any shortage of affordable rented accommodation. It's not as if you need thousands as a deposit and upfront rent. It's not as if every landlord requires a credible guarantor, which are of course easy to come by.

It's all so simple. Why's no one questioning that?

👏🏻

Because

1. op wasn't asking whether her 23 yr old should live at home and

2. it's not uncommon for people of that age to still live with their parents these days

She probably has zero intention and hopefully
took the morning after if she technically isn’t on a long term contraception. She’s self confidence building after a divorce.

Keeps his mind in the thrill of the action tho.

I think your son is being disrespectful to you. Basically hooking up with an ex for a couple of hours at your expense isn’t really on. Are they dating?

if they are dating and having a wide range of interests and varied activities and this was a one off then maybe ok (except the bit about ttc) but if it is just the regular her mum looks after the son and she pops over for a quickie then no that is not on IMHO.

Yet they are happy if she gets pregnant by him?

You should have joined in the conversation in a reasonably low voice. "Better start saving for a new place to stay if you're going to have a baby."

When it's just you and him around tell him he probably doesn't realise how much sound travels in new build houses and he might want to play some background music when him and his GF are alone together. Also, maybe invest in some noise cancelling headphones or earbuds.

Because it’s not 2010 anymore and rents are stupid our neighbours house in a voted shit city is 1.4k a month. The house we left a shit hurt wooden box went to £900’a month. When we left. My siblings 2 bed flat is £950 a month.

I mean at their age me and DP had 2 kids… neither of them were conceived at my parents house tho. I’m way too scared to have sex in my mums or my in laws. I think the insinuation you heard them shagging should be enough to put him off that part.

If you want to put him off having kids, let him know how much they cost and show him some of the threads on here about blended family horror stories. Also, my DP had to spend his 20th birthday holding my hair back while I was horrifically sick while all his mates enjoyed his party… there’s pros to being young parents, that’s why we chose to do it - but it’s not something to enter into casually. The same with blended families.