Not to want my young adult son having sex in my house

This doesn’t add up how can he love seeing her as a mum if he has never met her children thus seeing her mother them?? 🤔

I'm really baffled by the number of people who are of the opinion that the 23 year old son has some kind of God given right to have sex in his mother's house and where she had to listen to it, no less! Whilst it's very normal for adult offspring to live at home nowadays, if they choose to avail of their parents' accommodation there absolutely can be a 'my house, my rules' approach from parents if that's how they feel.

OP has every right to say to her son she doesn't want him taking partners into his bedroom let alone having sex under her roof. Of course he may then find ways to do it on the sly but then it becomes a case of what you don't know won't hurt you. Unless of course, he gets her pregnant, but again baffled by the number of people who think a parent can't have a contraception chat with what is clearly a very immature 23 year old who is happily chancing bringing a baby into a home that he is essentially a lodger at (don't come for me for that comment, I just mean in the sense that he doesn't own the home. I won't even change my mind if it turns out he's paying rent).

Wild. None of this would have flown with my parents at that age.

All the said, if OP (who is clearly unhappy with the current situation) doesn't have the minerals to broach it with her son, nothing will change.

Your home. You can have whatever rules you like.

Is this his first GF?

I”d have a conversation with him while you are in the car or cooking tea or similar so not sitting across the table from him. Say you’ve been thinking about some ground rules about him conducting relationships while living in your home. One of mine is that no one stays overnight until they have been dating for at least 6 months and I have met them several times. Think about what you’re comfortable with.

Then I’d say that you also expect sex in the house to be conducted quietly and with contraception. Obviously the latter is up to him but he sounds like he needs a reminder of the implications of unprotected sex. Ask if he really wants to risk a child with someone he hardly knows and be bound to that person for life. Remind him that 50 percent of pregnancies are still accidents and he is responsible for his own fertility. He should not be relying on his partner. So he needs to get himself down to the supermarket sharpish and get some condoms.

IMO, it sounds like he has a pregnancy fetish rather than seriously wanting to be a dad. They may be using protection, it may just be fantasy.

after five weeks yes

He said ‘I love seeing you as a mum’

But they have been together 5 weeks and has been to her house once when the child wasnt there?

Nothing wrong with having a kid at 24 but there is something wrong with having a child in this situation at any age.

And while being divorced with a child at 24, doesn’t mean she’s a bad person, I wouldn’t advise a 24 year old to become a stepfather or stepmother either. It’s not an ideal situation.

There’s various complications that come along with it and it would be easier to just start his own family. Especially at that age.

Just read the stepparent board!

That makes sense to me, Holluschickie.

Oh come off it, my mum had four kids by the time she was 24, my sister had my niece when she was 20. 24 is an adult.

Op can't you just buy an industrial amount of protection.

Yes uncomfortable but make sure he's not without

Heard him say to her ‘I love seeing you as a mum. I don’t mind if this makes that happen’ and off they went on their jolly jiggles! I was mortified. Mortified! As I say, paper thin walls and I was in the middle of texting a friend.

Honestly I would he so disappointed if any man close to me spoke to a woman he barely knew like this. I know they were childhood friends but they’ve only been back in contact for the last few weeks. So they’re more or less strangers.

No marriage, no commitment, no real means of supporting her and he’s acting casual about getting her pregnant. It’s hardly likely to turn out very well for her if they do, so while she should have more respect for herself - assuming this wasn’t just a joke and they did use protection - he should have more respect for her and himself too.

Women aren’t breeders that you should try and get pregnant on a whim or have a careless attitude towards it. Ugh.

It won’t be his body and his life that is impacted to the same extent, especially given she has one kid already.

They're both being utterly irresponsible.

They're both adults and it's not your business.

My kids are still young. I get your point on saving money. If OPs son in saving up for a deposit to buy a house, that’s a good reason to stay home. Although seems he needs to have some boundaries established if he’s going to live at home for much longer. If he’s just taking the piss, it’s not a good reason to stay home. It all depends on the circumstances. If your kids are saving up for a deposit and are in that frame of mind and it works well for all of you and you have clearly established boundaries, then I see no problem with that. It doesn’t seem to be the case for OP’s son.

I’m 23 with a child. Your point?

Honestly my kids around this age would never in a million years want to have sex at home with their partners, I would be ok with it but they would deem it completely inappropriate.

As a mother of a son (only 14 months however) I’d rather him be having sex in my house where I know they’re safe rather than in fields and parks at night etc. Yes, having conversations about safe sex is extremely important but I couldn’t think about my son potentially being in a dangerous environment doing so regardless of age.

And giggling at the prospect of them having unprotected sex leading to another!

I suppose there's no cure for stupidity.

Buy him a bulk box of condoms, leave on his bedside table with a note saying 'I heard you've run out - remember, the walls are thinner than you think!'

Did you miss the fact the woman already has a child and is recently divorced and only got back in contact with the OPs son five weeks ago? Or the fact that OPs son isn’t living independently in his own place?

I don’t care what age they are, this clearly isn’t a good time for either of them to be having (more) kids.

We are not talking about a 24 and 23 year old who are engaged and have been living together for at least a couple of years.

I think I would pass away from the sheer embarrassment of hearing my son say that 😱

Do you have older kids? All my friends kids are still at home bar one who has just bought his first house,not unusual at all. I don't want my ds wasting money on rent ,I want him saving for a deposit because he's going to need it!

This.

He clearly cannot afford to live away from the family home at present, or chooses not to. Therefore he clearly cannot afford to be a Dad.

That’s why you have to get your shit together, and don’t lark about risking accidental pregnancies until you have. 23 year olds can get a flat share, they don’t need their piss taking enabled. This is not a difficult conversation at all, it’s a conversation about respectful behaviour in his mother’s house. Clearly overdue.