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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not to want my young adult son having sex in my house

237 replies

SunnyBlueLurker · 21/06/2025 18:09

In my house?

New build. Thin walls.

His girlfriend is lovely (24), and he’s 23, but she has a lot of responsibilities. Last night I heard him say to her that he didn’t have anything on him (context must’ve meant condoms). And she said she didn’t either, both had a little laugh about it.

Heard him say to her ‘I love seeing you as a mum. I don’t mind if this makes that happen’ and off they went on their jolly jiggles! I was mortified. Mortified! As I say, paper thin walls and I was in the middle of texting a friend.

I have been exact in repeating what I heard to see if anyone other parents here would also find quite upsetting/strange and uncomfortable to hear.

AIBU not to want him having sex in my house? Or do I just blatantly make a lot of noise if I can hear them, or knock and say keep it down? Don’t think I’d have it in me to knock!

I cannot say this isn’t partly fuelled by the fact that I’m so worried he’s going to get her pregnant. What a disaster.

What do you think?

His dad sadly passed when he was younger so no other parent to ask about what they think.

OP posts:
BruFord · 21/06/2025 22:39

NoKnickerElastic · 21/06/2025 22:19

Is this a casual thing if she's not on birth control?

@NoKnickerElastic Yes, you’d think that someone who’s been badly let down by their child’s father would take all possible precautions to ensure that they don’t have an unplanned pregnancy.

Original poster
SunnyBlueLurker · 21/06/2025 22:33

CleaningAngel · 21/06/2025 22:20

We're is the kid while she is staying at uour house?

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With her mum. She never sleeps here overnight and insists on that to DS

OP posts:
Notashamed13 · 21/06/2025 22:28

Ye God's op! YANBU.... I'm sure one mention to your DS and he will want the ground to swallow him up. Probably doesn't realise the acoustics of your house! 🤪

throweay · 21/06/2025 22:23

PluckyChancer · 21/06/2025 18:18

She’s 24 with a child??? I’d tell him to run. 😳

Why?

CleaningAngel · 21/06/2025 22:20

SunnyBlueLurker · 21/06/2025 18:18

Then why are they having sex in your house?

They went to school together but she lives an hour away and I get the impression she doesn’t want him meeting her DC so sensibly isn’t having him around her house

We're is the kid while she is staying at uour house?

NoKnickerElastic · 21/06/2025 22:19

Is this a casual thing if she's not on birth control?

PonyPatter44 · 21/06/2025 22:13

Try my Mrs Doyle tactic. Bang in the bedroom door and shout, "don't be doing the sex in there now". They generally cringe so hard that they can't manage shagging anyway.

Bishbashbosh9 · 21/06/2025 22:12

SunnyBlueLurker · 21/06/2025 22:01

He had a few Amazon parcels delivered today. Opened them in front of me. A child’s toy was in one of the boxes. He said it’s for ‘little Phoebe’

I asked him why he has got a present for a child he doesn’t know. He said he knows her through what his GF says about her and knew she’d like it. I said that may be a bit too overbearing, don’t you think?

He told me he didn’t think so, and ties to stop the conversation. I said are you meeting this little girl? He said he was going to just pose as a friend of her mum’s and pick them up from the airport next week. They’re off to Spain tomorrow and he will be picking them up from Luton when they’re back

He said he asked if it might be an idea for him to come? Apparently she shut him down and said no, it was just a break away for her and her DC. He sounded disappointed

No further conversation about the sex noises from me but I want to bring it up soon.

I haven't got adult children but I know if I was in your son's position my mum would have a very strong word with me about self respect. He's asked her if he can come to Spain and she's shut him down; she doesn't want him to meet the child but he's buying her presents. I know he's not a child but as his parent I would be advising him that it sounds like he's being used for a rebound, and that might be ok if he was just having fun but he's clearly getting overly invested and trying to move things too fast. He's setting himself up to get hurt.

momtoboys · 21/06/2025 22:12

i have taken some abuse on here because I don’t “allow” my sons to have sex with their girlfriends either. I’m with you. With that being said the first time she came here to stay (with him sleeping on the couch), I cam down to work to find her knickers on the floor of the living room! 😆

k1233 · 21/06/2025 22:09

If you could hear them easily I would have replied "I'm too young to be a grandma!" Would have got a couple of points across.

Original poster
SunnyBlueLurker · 21/06/2025 22:01

He had a few Amazon parcels delivered today. Opened them in front of me. A child’s toy was in one of the boxes. He said it’s for ‘little Phoebe’

I asked him why he has got a present for a child he doesn’t know. He said he knows her through what his GF says about her and knew she’d like it. I said that may be a bit too overbearing, don’t you think?

He told me he didn’t think so, and ties to stop the conversation. I said are you meeting this little girl? He said he was going to just pose as a friend of her mum’s and pick them up from the airport next week. They’re off to Spain tomorrow and he will be picking them up from Luton when they’re back

He said he asked if it might be an idea for him to come? Apparently she shut him down and said no, it was just a break away for her and her DC. He sounded disappointed

No further conversation about the sex noises from me but I want to bring it up soon.

OP posts:
Bishbashbosh9 · 21/06/2025 21:51

pharmer · 21/06/2025 21:22

He is well into adulthood. Why don't you want him to have a sex life?

For me, a better question is why would anyone be ok with having to listen to their offspring having sex in their house? Genuinely I'm so shocked that so many people would be ok with this. Not saying there's any reason to stop him having a sex life, but it shouldn't involve his mother.

Buxusmortus · 21/06/2025 21:49

Oh come off it, my mum had four kids by the time she was 24, my sister had my niece when she was 20. 24 is an adult.

24 is extremely young to have a child these days.
My son is 32 and married but it's only been in the past year that any of his similarly aged friends and colleagues have had children.
I think the average age for a first -time mother in the UK is 30.

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 21/06/2025 21:46

if she's 'sensibly' decided that 5 weeks is far too short a time to introduce him to her DC, surely it's also far too short to 'accidentally' conceive a little sibling for them?

do you think this is the first sexual relationship your son has had? have you ever discussed safer sex? do you think either of them has ever been tested for STIs? even if they were happy to have unprotected sex/ end up with a baby, it would be sensible to get tested first.

bonus points: most sexual health clinics (and GP surgeries) give out condoms for free - no need to spend money on them!

MammaTo · 21/06/2025 21:33

SunnyBlueLurker · 21/06/2025 18:26

They hadn’t seen each other since ages 15/16 until 5 weeks ago

She has her mum watch her DC whilst she pops over here for a bit in the evening but never stays overnight with us

He has been to her house once when DC was at nursery

Been seeing each other for 5 weeks, she’s 24 and has a child already to someone else - and they’re having unprotected sex and he’s saying “I don’t mind if this makes a baby”. Jesus Christ he needs his head testing!

Ninkynonkpinkyponks · 21/06/2025 21:32

I wouldn’t mind if you couldn’t hear and were non the wiser. But you can. So I would put on music loudly every time you can hear. And hopefully they get the message. If they don’t then you need to speak to him

thestudio · 21/06/2025 21:29

Remind him that decent men take an exactly 50/50 share of all the shitwork involved in having a family, including shopping, cleaning, getting up with the baby/toddler, thinking ahead to what will need to happen next day/week/month/year.

And that men who don't do that are effectively exploiting and abusing the women they are in relationships with.

If he's still up for unprotected sex - have at it, man.

Ivy888 · 21/06/2025 21:23

SunnyBlueLurker · 21/06/2025 18:13

Is this appropriate given his age? Feel like it’s such a grey area

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Of course it’s appropriate!

pharmer · 21/06/2025 21:22

He is well into adulthood. Why don't you want him to have a sex life?

Outside9 · 21/06/2025 21:21

My children aren't having sex in my house. At least certainly not while I'm present.

PoopingAllTheWay · 21/06/2025 21:21

CosyLemur · 21/06/2025 20:29

They really aren't young and there's a very good chance they've decided they want children. Plenty of their peers will be married now!

She has been married and got a child already

They have been together FIVE WEEKS and he lives at home

Tangerinenets · 21/06/2025 21:21

Holluschickie · 21/06/2025 18:13

I will get flayed, but I have young adults living with me in a new build and I don't allow partners. If they want those, they have to move out.

I’m with you 100%. Get your own place . No way I want to listen to my kids having sex!

AIAgent · 21/06/2025 21:18

CosyLemur · 21/06/2025 20:29

They really aren't young and there's a very good chance they've decided they want children. Plenty of their peers will be married now!

And living at home?

AIAgent · 21/06/2025 21:15

zaicandy · 21/06/2025 20:12

If OP says this, it will just make her son more inclined to see her. Bar the talk about using protection, it’s best to just let it fizzle out naturally

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That’s one option. Let’s hope there’s not a child appearing in the interim.

And oh - the OP has to listen to it in the meantime with a disrespectful DS.

We’re all different. In my house with these dynamics - nope.

CluelessAboutBiology · 21/06/2025 21:13

PoopingAllTheWay · 21/06/2025 20:58

He said ‘I love seeing you as a mum’

But they have been together 5 weeks and has been to her house once when the child wasnt there?

Exactly. The GF understandably doesn’t want him to meet her DC when they’ve only been together for 5 weeks, so how has he witnessed enough of her “being a mum” to know he loves it?