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Original poster

Disappointed in DH's reaction

245 replies

Roundandround1985 · 21/06/2025 17:12

Not sure if i am being used reasonable or if DH has a point. I may be slightly blinkered

A friend and I at work both balloted for the London marathon. He's a runner and I have been saying for ages I need to start running again and get mt weight under control. To my surprise, we both got in (hence massive panic and lots of goggling on training plans!)

Told DH what had happened and he laughed, basically said I was too unfit to do it, didn't have the body or the discipline or the diet for it etc

When we were talking about it more today, he said i was silly for even considering it. It would be a lot of time and effort away from him and the kids and then it turned into an argument about how I can't keep the house tidy but want to train for a marathon.

The house tidy comment came from the fact that a cupboard isn't as tidy as it should be and I'd left a pile of washing on a bed that I hadn't had chance to put away.

The comments about time away from him is laughable as he goes to football every Saturday during the season, home and away games and I never say anything. He also has various trips away with mates for 4-5 days at a time and again i say nothing

When i said I would be do a lot of the running before work (I wfh 3 days and the youngest starts school in September) so if I am up at 5am I can do a good run on the treadmill quite a few mornings.

I don't know if I'm blinkered about being able to do this or if DH has a point.

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 21/06/2025 19:14

Your DH leads the life of Riley. I can't believe that you take him to his home games and when his team is playing away, he is gone all day. He only works from 7am until 2pm and you work full time and do pretty much everything in the house, apart from him cooking a couple of times a week. Do you earn more than he does?

Do not let him stop you training for the marathon. He is mind-boggling selfish and out of order.

Dingalingalong · 21/06/2025 19:13

Tattyflaps80 · 21/06/2025 19:10

Of course what he’s said is unkind! If you have children and work 3 days then keeping the house tidy is just as much his responsibility! You need to get so angry that you absolutely succeed at running the marathon! My partner commented on a woman’s body on Only Fans in 2020 and I’ve spent 5 years quietly exercising when he’s not home, he can get to fuck just like your husband can, doesn’t think your body can do it? I bet 4 billion other men think your body and you are good enough! Do it quietly, run while he’s in bed, don’t talk about it and show that fucker what you’re made of!

Can I ask, is your end game to leave the sleazy twat once you got a body to flaunt? Because, you already have it!

Dingalingalong · 21/06/2025 19:11

arethereanyleftatall · 21/06/2025 19:07

I wrote this after reading the op.

ive now read the whole thread.

it blows my mind, and not in a good way at all, that you haven’t divorced him.

why, why, why do so many women put up with being treated like shit.

Show quote history

I agree! The unfairness of the childcare, household and mental load split is unreal! He goes where he wants, when he wants, for however long he wants, and the only reason he wants you home more is to do more childcare so he doesnt have to (sundays) or more house chores, so he doesn't have to. Got nothing to do with "family" time. He's taken you for a mug for quite a while, it seems.

Tattyflaps80 · 21/06/2025 19:10

Of course what he’s said is unkind! If you have children and work 3 days then keeping the house tidy is just as much his responsibility! You need to get so angry that you absolutely succeed at running the marathon! My partner commented on a woman’s body on Only Fans in 2020 and I’ve spent 5 years quietly exercising when he’s not home, he can get to fuck just like your husband can, doesn’t think your body can do it? I bet 4 billion other men think your body and you are good enough! Do it quietly, run while he’s in bed, don’t talk about it and show that fucker what you’re made of!

arethereanyleftatall · 21/06/2025 19:07

arethereanyleftatall · 21/06/2025 18:43

omg what a complete cunt.

I wrote this after reading the op.

ive now read the whole thread.

it blows my mind, and not in a good way at all, that you haven’t divorced him.

why, why, why do so many women put up with being treated like shit.

Deadcog · 21/06/2025 19:04

How can you type this out and not have the scales fall from your eyes?

2024onwardsandup · 21/06/2025 19:02

With more than this…

2024onwardsandup · 21/06/2025 19:02

Get a back bone and some self esteem OP

you are a forth more than this

he is not more important than you

jsut because you’re a woman doesn’t mean your needs and wants come last

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/06/2025 18:56

You give him lifts to his games? And he complains at you and doesn’t want you to have time. You see that he’s a selfish nobber, right?

Azureshores · 21/06/2025 18:56

The only thing you are U for is marrying a grade A twat of a man and having dc's with him.

He's a disgrace.

Original poster
Roundandround1985 · 21/06/2025 18:55

I accept i probably should have talked to him first but honestly this is maybe my second time in 10 years balloting so in my head there was no way I was getting a place. I feel very lucky and don't want to waste the opportunity

His football at the weekends are watching his team play. If its a home game I drop him off at 12 and then he can reappear any time from 5pm after the game but will often stay late until 8-9pm when the bar closes

Ig its an away game he can be gone from early in the morning until late at night, assuming he doesn't make a weekend of it and stay over (probably 50% of time)

I maybe go out for lunch on a sunday with a friend once a quarter.

I do have some travel for work, which is met with moaning from DH ad it usually involves him having to go into work an hour later to drop the children off and I have to work any work travel around his work and do later flights (which are massively inconvenient!) Just so he doesn't have to go into work an hour later (his boss is fine with it as he has kids etc dh just doesn't want to)

I am not under estimating how much training it will be which is why I'm starting properly now (already on week 5 of C25K) and I'm not really asking much of DH other than a few hours on a sunday

OP posts:
gamerchick · 21/06/2025 18:49

Roundandround1985 · 21/06/2025 17:29

Thank you for all the responses, they validate how I was feeling

I did call him out snd say how is me being out for s few hours on a sunday for a run (probably no more than 2 until later next year) any different from him being at football and he couldn't answer just that Sunday was meant to be a family day. But when he wants to go out on a sunday its ok

He did say i would have to think about cutting hours at work. He constantly moans I work too much (full time, odd evening on the laptop) nothing unusual for a corporate role but moans that I don't spend my wfh days doing housework

He's trying to make your world small OP. I'd be telling him that he doesn't get to do that, that he's not your master and you're not there to care for him.

Jackiepumpkinhead · 21/06/2025 18:49

He’s a lazy, nasty arsehole.

YourWildAmberSloth · 21/06/2025 18:44

He's telling you to stay in your lane.

DaisyChain505 · 21/06/2025 18:44

Why is he bringing up you having to clean the house as if it’s just yours and only you living there.

Where’s his contribution to keeping the house running?

3rdtimelucky73 · 21/06/2025 18:43

You're not being unreasonable to question why he doesn't support his wife's goals and is more worried his housemaid is going to reduce his hours

arethereanyleftatall · 21/06/2025 18:43

omg what a complete cunt.

Onleemoi · 21/06/2025 18:42

Family time just means he doesn’t want sole responsibility of looking after the children. I can’t imagine suggesting a loved one doesn’t do something because a cupboard is messy. Running a marathon is hard, the training runs can feel pretty relentless. People manage though and there’s no reason you can’t do it.

TheChosenTwo · 21/06/2025 18:42

He sounds like a jealous twat giving you a guilt trip because you’re going to do something all go yourself.
Massive congratulations on getting your ballot place 🥳 I got one 3 years ago but pulled out when I got a stress fracture in my hip on one of my training runs 😭 gutted and so disappointed, I’d trained so hard and like you said, I did most of my training runs in the morning before anyone else was even awake, not because dh was an unsupportive arsehole but because it’s always been my preferred time for exercise.
Please train for that marathon, complete it and win your medal - consider the marathon as your training run in case you ever decide to run very far away from your dh.

OnionsNotBunions · 21/06/2025 18:40

Man, I would train like an elite athlete. Morning, noon and fucking night.

And when I’d come in with a time under 3-4 hrs, I would take my hot running body and run the fuck away from the sexist twunt.

proximalhumerous · 21/06/2025 18:34

Well it's a big challenge and only you know how accurate his comments are re. discipline, diet, etc. (I don't think the state of a cupboard is really relevant to your potential training) but he didn't have to be quite so negative. It's also unfair to take that attitude when his own amateur sporting endeavours are indulged despite their impact on the family.

Donttellempike · 21/06/2025 18:33

Roundandround1985 · 21/06/2025 17:29

Thank you for all the responses, they validate how I was feeling

I did call him out snd say how is me being out for s few hours on a sunday for a run (probably no more than 2 until later next year) any different from him being at football and he couldn't answer just that Sunday was meant to be a family day. But when he wants to go out on a sunday its ok

He did say i would have to think about cutting hours at work. He constantly moans I work too much (full time, odd evening on the laptop) nothing unusual for a corporate role but moans that I don't spend my wfh days doing housework

This could mean a whole new lease of life for you. How amazing to run a marathon.

Do it, and tell your selfish DH to be less me me me

Velmy · 21/06/2025 18:31

If you can do it without massively impacting your life then go for it.

If it is going to require major changes to your family routine, that's obviously not a decision you can make unilaterally. You'll need to discuss it with your partner and work out a compromise.

All of that assumes you're in an equal relationship with a reasonable partner though, which it doesn't sound like you are.

northernballer · 21/06/2025 18:30

Of course you can do it, I suspect he is jealous tbh, probably can't cope with the thought of all the attention and respect you'll get on that weekend.

I used to get up at 5 and grind out a 20 miler which was by no means pleasurable but entirely doable, and my DH supported that.

Just offer to alternate Saturdays so he does football one week and you do your long run the next week then you still have family time on Sunday if he's that bothered, although we all know that's not actually the issue.

Blanca87 · 21/06/2025 18:24

Roundandround1985 · 21/06/2025 18:16

Thank you again everyone

In terms of household split its very much:
Me
Unload dishwasher in the morning.
Load at night
All washing - loading the machine, hanging out, putting away
99.9% of nursery and school drop offs as he starts at 7am. Breakfast club on the 2 days I am in the office.
House admin (all bills, insurence renewals, school/nursery admin etc)
Food shopping (usually oine delivery once a week then any top up shops)
Sorting birthday presents out & parties
I cook on a sunday

Dh
Will cook 2 or 3 nights a week as finishes work at 230 so nights we don't have after school clubs etc he will cook
Hoovers once a week (i would hoover but moans i don't do it properly so he can keep it)
School/nursery pick up if back in time and I can't go

He works 7-2ish every day in the office where as I do usual office hours ish and have 3 days wfh

He also has weeks on call where he then can't do anything as he may get called out so all school pick ups etc fall to me and I can't go out or do anything incase he is called (go to work obviously)

He needs to be doing more, this is the discussion you should be having - not whether you should do the London Marathon. Find your fanny balls and tell him he needs to up his game. And stop accepting that all messy cupboards and washing is your responsibility.