Disappointed in DH's reaction

He's a prick. You are perfectly capable, you know this. But please considering running the hell away from this relationship.

I think this is beside the point! Her husband should be supporting her, especially given the time he spends on his hobbies.

I probably should have been more time specific on my original post and used kinder language (not used deluded). But I was really trying to convey the huge effort and time commitment a marathon requires (I have also done many, i just used my most recent as an example). Having said that, why shouldn't the Op at least try and do it.

In my defence and in my opinion @Lins77 , a marathon of longer than 5 hours, 30 minutes is a pace of 12:37min/mile. That is a fast walk (the average moderate walking speed is 15min/mile).
However as i now state that is not really the point. My point was to convey the huge time and effort commitment if you intend to "run" a marathon.

Your life will be so much easier without him. Think of how much time you’ll have to train if you have every other week to yourself while he does his 50% share of custody. Your husband really does not like you.

He’s is a TWAT

I have to work any work travel around his work and do later flights (which are massively inconvenient!) Just so he doesn't have to go into work an hour later (his boss is fine with it as he has kids etc dh just doesn't want to)

Please dont do that in future, don't make your life more difficult just because he doesn't want to do what a father should do.

In light of your further post re. him swearing in front of the children, yes you have bigger problems.

Look back over your relationship, how many instances of him being an arsehole are there and has it increased over time?

Your poor emotionally abused children, witnessing the verbal abuse of their mother.

Indeed the marathon is just the trigger for him to not tolerate any loss of control of you.

You need to contact Women's aid for you and your children's sake.

Talk to family and friends.
You need to take his abuse of you all very seriously.

This is house terrorism, and Coercive control, which is a crime.

What you witnessed is narcissistic rage, at the thought of you doing ANYTHING for yourself.

He is a dangerous unhinged man.
Reach out for support.
Domestic abuse organisations are there for women snd children like you.

So he’s a hypocrite.

It’s perfectly ok for him to have time to do what he wants to do but you can’t do the same to train for a marathon.

How much of that time he does what he wants includes spending time with you?

I’m guessing very little.

If you don’t get enough time together now then he is the one that needs to cut back massively on his hobbies and then you reassess so you both get equal time for yourselves.

He doesn’t want that though does he. He just wants to do the bare minimum with the family and household and you pick it all up as default.

Hope all this is making you more determined to run this marathon! It would me!

He called you lazy?? If he's complaining about not spending enough time as a couple, why doesn't he stop going to football matches every Saturday?

His sweary outburst in front of the kids is absolutely unacceptable. You need to try and leave this awful man/marriage.

Well there’s no doubting he is abusive now. Verbal abuse, threats (that you’ll somehow not have a marriage or a family if you start running), the silent treatment in an attempt to make you comply. Have you ever done the freedom programme? That would be a good place for you to start and you can do it online. You should also read why does he do that.

Time to get your running shoes on and do a Forest Gump.

If hes so worried about you losing out on time together why isn’t her cutting down on his hobbies and time away from the family?

There’s definitely more to this like you’ve said.

The cupboard is really him scraping around for something to say, as justification for why he doesn't want you to train for the marathon! It's ridiculous. I'm sure he's perfectly capable of sorting out a cupboard if he's that bothered about it. But it's not about the cupboard!

So you both work full time, but the messy cupboard is because you want to start training, not cos he's out all the time?

And then you'll be expecting him to look after his own children whilst you up the training I bet? He might even have to curtail his social life on occasion.

God forbid.

And you said your hoping to lose weight, regain your body confidence and feel happier about yourself in general? I mean lord above, what kind of husband would support that!

He's a dick.

Your husband doesn't like you OP.

Well OP. Is this the man you want to spend the rest of your precious and hopefully long life with? I know I wouldn't. He doesn't even seem to like you. Imagine a nice, calm life surrounded by positivity... you could have that. Good luck in the marathon.

Your husband is lazy and selfish and clearly unhappy that you might actually do something for yourself instead of being on call to do his bidding.

A lot of park runs have a 2.5K option, so you could start doing that regularly on a Saturday morning and build up to 5K. And you’d still have time to take the manchild to football if you felt like it after.

It’s time for him to step up, or for you to start planning your escape alongside your marathon training. Losing 80kg of man can do wonders for your self esteem and the amount of housework you actually have to do. And the blissful peace of not hearing him put you down of an evening is not to be underestimated.

Do your marathon. You’ve lots of time to prepare.

This horrible, spiteful cunt is negging you. Awful. It’s abusive.

Is the inadequate man threatened because he sees running as ‘his’ thing and he’s worried you might do something amazing?

I expect WHEN you cross the finish line, this prick will pick on you for your time.

Is he like this in other ways?

The comment about the op doubting her own thoughts is exactly what has happened as otherwise this thread would never have been written.

because someone in a healthy relationship would have just responded with a laugh and ‘don’t be absurd, Tim, you’ve had hours off every week for years for football, how can it possibly not be fair that I take a few hours off now.’

Op, he’s a selfish fucking bastard and I’m so angry for you. Write a list of time he has spent at football in the last two years, add in x Sunday outings, write you promised to be here and help more and you lied. I have supported you endlessly, and I am running out of chances to give you to support me for a change. I am training for a marathon, and I am saying to everyone we know it will take a fraction of the time from our family that your hobbies and social life do, and I’m starting by going away for 3 days shortly to do some kick starter training as if you want to be in this marriage you do not get to be the only one in this marriage who gets supported to go away solo. Stop being so fucking selfish, realize how lucky you are, and support me for a change.if you need transactional financial thinking consider it investing in not being alone and miserable in your old age.

hand him the list. Book a few days away. Tell him you do not give a shit what his work schedule is like then, and you are going.

OP, other married women with children run marathons. Why does your husband feel he is so much less capable of coping than their husbands?

I suppose it's good that he knows he is a crap husband/parent, but I'm not sure why he thinks that is your problem to solve for him?

This has probably already occurred to you OP but maybe set in between goals - pick a parkrun date to aim for for 5k, book in a 10k race to work towards, and then a half marathon.

Can you do some runs with your friend from work? If he's a more experienced runner you could just join him for part of his long runs, doesn't have to be all or nothing. Know some routes too - it really helped me when someone gave advice like "head up x Street to Y pub, left down to the round about, left then past Tescos and back past the park is 8k." Made it feel so much more manageable than working it out from scratch. Also things like just getting the bus / tram somewhere and running back, extending it a bit each time.