Is it normal not to have any meet ups or playdates or AIBU

I have three DC and I find with each child there is a different class dynamic so no right or wrong it’s just bad luck sometimes. DC3 started school last September and a lovely group of parents in her class. People are nice and friendly even though we haven’t had many play dates as we are busy but everyone is approachable even though its usually drop and dash off in the morning on their way to work but it’s a lovely vibe if that makes sense. Lots of parties this year and all whole class parties so lots of mingling at those. DC2 the parents were head and eyes down and no one smiled or chatted at all. It was weird and DC1 was a mixture between them both

My DD is in Y6 and has had two or three playdates and been to a couple of parties. DS in Y2 hasn't had any of either.

They go to a school where a very high proportion of the families don't celebrate birthdays or really mix with people from other cultures outside of school. It took me a little while to get my head around that but my two are just used to it! They've both got lots of friends but they only see them at school, and seem happy with that. They go to Beavers/Guides so socialise there as well.

Playdates are more likely if the parents are friends. Do you have other parent friends at the school? You probably need to make the first move and get chatting.

@CarpetKneesnot really! Perfectly normal for us and the others at their primary school, which was great.

My dgs is an only child in year 3. Popular at school & he has his cousins at the same school so his play dates/sleepovers are with them. His other dgp pick him up from school & a lot of kids, including him, go to the park right by school most days to let off steam. Then there's extra curricular activities so not much scope for play dates outside of the extended family. He's a happy & sociable little boy so his set up seems to be ok. It's hard for parents who work full time to facilitate this on a regular basis imo

We probably have at least 1 play date per kid per week BUT I work flexible hours and have 1 full day off a week so am in the playground twice a day. At early primary years play dates were generally after school as families kept weekend for themselves/family. Older primary years tend to spill in to weekends after clubs etc or day trips to parks/museums etc. The huge benefit is shared care/emergency cover. Say someone to collect dd2 if dd1 is home ill, or if you run late for pick-up. No one would think twice of dropping a line in the class WhatsApp asking for help and most people pitch in.

I'd say you are at both extremes of this question.

I'd say it was quite unusual to have gone through 7 years of Primary school without ever having a friend round to play, but I'd also say that having people round every week was jright at the opposite end of the continuum.

That can’t be normal, surely? My kids had weekly play dates from the start of primary school. I can’t imagine not encouraging this if they’re happy with it. I’m not a hugely sociable person but didn’t want that for them. They can decide not to be when they’re older, if they want!

I think it depends on your family circumstances. I have 5 children and they would often have a friend to play after school and have tea - not unusual for me to have 7 or 8 children to feed at teatime! But I was lucky that I only worked school hours so was able to have friends home after school. If you work full time and your child is in after school club or being looked after by grandparents, you're obviously restricted in the week. Maybe having a friend over Saturday afternoon or meeting up at the park would work?

DD’s best friends mum didn’t know me at all, we had never met before and she made a bee line for me as soon as she could. She is now definitely someone I consider a dear friend. I live somewhere fairly transient and people are busy with their own lives but I have never ever turned down a playdate because I’m not friendly with the parent first. If their child and mine happily play then I will definitely go. There are people who need to be friends with the children’s parents but there equally quite a few of us who do playdates pretty much entirely for our kids benefit.

It is daunting, it feels like you are asking someone out on an actual date. My husband asked another dad for a playdate and he was actually a bit nervous (and texting me things like “HE SAID YES!). My husband is one of the most assertive people I know but he still found the whole thing a bit unnerving. Extroverts probably cope better but I didn’t find it easy at first. But you can usually find a few people who will be up for it.

Mine hardly ever had play dates. They had clubs after school most days, and met their friends there. They're both popular, have great friends, got through secondary with good social lives. I really wouldn't worry about it unless your dc is actually asking for play dates.

Me and DH both work full time and DD was in breakfast and after school too. I made sure to get a few numbers for her friends parents via birthday party RSVPs and the like and would invite their kids to our house or on a trip to a softplay/trampoline park during school holidays and on weekends. I did have to actively seek out the play dates and facilitate them which I was happy to do, because they couldn’t happen naturally straight from the school playground due to our work patterns.

Just ask if your child has any kids they would like to invite over. It's about the kids, not the parents. And past reception you usually leave the kids to their playdate rather than stay.

Dear God - really?
We were a mix of Mums and with everything from the PTA to playdates to emergency childcare we tried to support each other as best we could.
Only one person tried to take the piss and we pulled her up on it and she took it on the chin and took a day off and had her DS and three others on a late announced inset day.
Sorry that was your expereince.

So do his Grandparents pick him up?
I ask this as the first playdate DC1 was invited on was via our childminder who passed the request to me. I said yes and then they were invited somewhere else and by the third time I thought I better foster this and invite back hence the Friday idea.
If the Grandparents do, then get them to see who he is friendly with and extend an invitation on your behalf at a convenient time for you. Reference the boys/girls thing above we had both - inviting and attending.

It’s normally the stay at home mums for after school play dates when the school mummy mafia slag others off whilst their kids play. Most wouldn’t want them taking from precious family time at the weekend.

From my experience with 1 DD and 1 DS, boys do seem to do this sort of thing less than girls. DS has been to far less parties/play dates and other mums of boys have said similar. DS plays out with kids on the street every single night so I’m not too bothered..

Are you saying he has never been/you have never had his friends to tea in 2 years?
If you are then that is really not normal.
I worked full time but would do a shorter day one Friday a month to reciprocate playdates and see/hear lots of primary parents still hosting/picking up on our street.

We never really did play dates as both me and DH work.

it’s done no harm to either child. Plenty of birthday parties and extra curricular activities.

You have to make the first move sometimes, DD has a friend we do regular playdates with. When I’ve asked others they have been really keen, none of them are my friend friends but we rub along fine and they are all generally nice people. I only ask people who are Dd’s friends, I don’t see this as an opportunity to make friends for myself so I’m not fussed about that part. I think often people would like to take their kids on a playdate but are so busy/shy themselves that they don’t approach anyone.

Just ask, worst thing that can happen is they say no.

My dd is about to finish her first year in school and she has had lots of play dates. She has a few each week with different kids.
I’m at home full time though and have really gone out of my way to organise stuff with other kids as she is an only child and has no cousins or anything plus she is naturally very social.
I would imagine there are kids in the class who haven’t had any play dates with the other kids. I wouldn’t say one or the other is “normal”. It depends on circumstances. The kids in after school care basically have play dates every afternoon, just in a different way.

I think a lot of it is luck. My experience with the parents in my daughter’s class was very different to my sons. I didn’t manage to really make any friends with parents in my eldests class but have a few in my sons class.