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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you expect a contribution in this situation?

86 replies

Greys3456 · 21/06/2025 15:29

If you had a girlfriend/boyfriend who was at your house quite a lot - they have their own place too but you don’t really stay there much due to the distance/having children and there not being enough space/having pets but them not having a garden for toileting.

They buy their own food when at your house but are obviously still using your water/gas/electric.

Would you expect a contribution towards anything and if so, how would you broach the subject?

OP posts:

PhantomOTheParadise · 21/06/2025 15:44

Nope, wouldn’t even cross my mind to be honest.

Oftenaddled · 21/06/2025 15:43

It's probably costing him more than you - fuel for that long journey, doubling up on things he forgets, possibly paying toward food or treats for your kids.

What is he costing you? A shower a day and the kettle boiled a few times? Meal in the pot with everyone else, or separate? It's unlikely it's a pound a day. I really wouldn't go there.

IfUcantsayanythingnice · 21/06/2025 15:43

I wouldn’t, unless they were bitcoin mining and taking 17 hour showers.

Grammarninja · 21/06/2025 15:42

Hardtum · 21/06/2025 15:40

oh yes and how far does he live from your? Presumably you don’t pay for his fuel?

I'd agree that you have to factor in travel costs if you're going to look at electricity and water usage.

Hardtum · 21/06/2025 15:40

oh yes and how far does he live from your? Presumably you don’t pay for his fuel?

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 21/06/2025 15:39

I'd expect a contribution to food and maybe for them to buy a takeaway once a week, but not for anything else. I doubt your costs have gone up that much.

Hardtum · 21/06/2025 15:39

Greys3456 · 21/06/2025 15:34

Just under 2 years and probably around 3-4 days a week at the moment - whether that’s here for the day or staying over

Show quote history

And how long has he been staying 3-4 days a week?

and have you declared to DWP if you received benefits?

Oftenaddled · 21/06/2025 15:39

No - they're paying for food and it doesn't suit you to travel to them. More inconvenient for them really, assuming you like spending time together.

I'd expect them to chip in around the house but not for bills. Presumably they're paying full standing charges on all utilities at home already.

Crunchymum · 21/06/2025 15:36

I'd expect them to stump up for treats (ie the occasional take away / bottle of wine / nice food etc) if I'm providing the rest. But nope I'd not expect a formal contribution.

Original poster

Greys3456 · 21/06/2025 15:34

Hardtum · 21/06/2025 15:32

What is “quite a lot”

and how long been together?