Would you expect a contribution in this situation?

1. OP hasn’t said anywhere that she’s on benefits of any kind, so that’s a pretty telling assumption on your part.
2. Not all benefits require you to inform DWP of any other persons you’re involved with - only those income related. And then only if the person can be considered resident or partially resident, and contributing to the household. Which OP has said he is not.
3. Where did you get the impression that benefit claimants aren’t allowed to have a life ?

If they're travelling to you and bringing food i wouldn't expect a contribution, presumably it costs them to travel?

Even IF a person (let’s say a woman for the sake of argument) who has a regular gentleman caller is receiving benefits, what the DWP/Council are interested in is, ‘do they have shared finances?’

The first questions to the woman are usually along the lines of, does Mr Gentleman Caller pay council tax in his own name at another address as a mortgagor or tenant? Does he have proof? Does he pay money regularly into your bank account? Can you prove this?

It’s usually case closed at that point if the answers are yes, yes, no, yes, with proof provided.

No I wouldn’t, they already buy their own food and are paying their own bills for their home. Plus sounds like it’s you who prefers it being at your home due to kids/distance/pets, so no.

Op. Tbh if you are the one in this situation wondering if the other should give you a contribution- then I would keep very very quiet if I were you. The question you have posed would be deal breaker territory for me if I was the guest/bf/gf who got wind of your thoughts.

If he's staying 3-4 days/nights a week, every week (and presumably having at least dinner with you on those occasions), I'd probably expect him to be getting a takeaway at the weekend, coming round with stuff for dinner once or twice a week, getting snacks/drinks etc...or at the very least offering to chip in.

I'd probably want the offer to come from him though, rather than me asking for it.

As for bills though, absolutely not, unless it was a situation where you were literally on the breadline and the increase in your bills was having an impact on your finances.

Utterly ridiculous

Holy cow. Talk about transactional. This is wild to me.

I wouldn't expect a formal contribution if I owned my own house because it might give them rights over my property. If they moved in, I might charge them rent towards utilities but nothing towards a mortgage payment.

I stay with DP 9 days a fortnight, sometimes more - I have my own house. I pay him money every month as obviously his bills have increased since I started staying - he will only accept £75 as he says that’s the extra he’s paying - I have offered to increase it but he won’t agree

If one starts contributing for bills the other should contribute to fuel and then it becomes transactional. Wouldn't be for me.
I was in a similar situation with my now husband. No kids involved. He travelled to my house and stayed a few nights. Sometimes he'd cook and bring it because he's a great cook. Sometimes we'd shop together and split it. Sometimes we'd get take aways. Never occurred to me to charge him for the showers. Never occurred to me to offer the fuel money. Worked for us.

It sounds like they travel for the convenience of the person with children and pets so I don't think it's reasonable to ask for more than a contribution towards food. Without the children and pets time could be spent more equally between the two homes to even out costs.

Absolutely not.

if anything, the person doing all the driving to accommodate the other persons pets and children is the person doing the favour.

it would be outrageous to ask for a contribution by the person who is the very reason the guest has to do all the driving and pay for a house not lived in!

Crikey…. Bit rude. Who made you the benefits police?

Most of an electricity and gas bill nowadays is standing charge, then the things you would be doing anyway like running a fridge or heating or oven. Having an extra person doesn’t make a significant difference and they are still needing to pay the standing charge and running of “always on” appliances in their own home.

The amount the spend in travel to the other place is probably offset by what they use when they are there.

I don’t think it is fair when the are paying the running costs on one property to then have to chip in on another.

My DP is at mine between 2 to 4 nights a week, his contribution is a takeaway or meal a week and occasionally buys things like bulk deals of stuff from Costco

This.

it suits you not to stay at his, but have you ever actually considered how he feels about it? It's not his fault you have kids & animals.

how is the whole 'he buys his own goid' thing working out. That's seems weird to me.

after 2 years if woukd be 'shit or get off the pot' time for me not continuing to live like a guest/nomad

No, they haven’t moved in and still have to pay their own rent or mortgage each month so they aren’t saving money by staying over and it’s more convenient for you - otherwise you can alternate half time at each others houses? Charging them for this would be really weird

No, I definitely wouldn’t expect a contribution to bills if they still have their other place that they are paying for. But I would expect them to be generous with bringing food and paying for treats within their means. If they’re stingy all round I’d bin, can’t be bothered with stingy people.

No. It’s your “stuff” that means you can’t stay there and therefore it’s only unequal because of you.

I find it quite early that your boyfriend stays that much when you have kids, I would maintain boundaries a lot more.

Be careful he is not a cocklodger too!

What a ridiculous bunch of assumptions.

No, I think it would be very rude. Is this a reverse?

I wouldn’t, no. Unless the visiting partner was in the property throughout the day when it was otherwise empty and they were using utilities that normally weren’t used at that time…but even then I’m not sure I actually would ask for a contribution. I’m not sure it would make a significant difference to bills?
Also I think the fact they’re bringing their own food, shows they are self aware and not wanting to be taking you (or whomever this is about) for a ride.

The OP says in her first sentence that she is talking about a boyfriend/girlfriend situation in which one of them stays over a lot because the other one has children.
OP, one adult doesn’t increase water/electricity/gas bills unless it is winter and they are single-handedly causing the heating to be on when it otherwise wouldn’t. If I was visiting someone regularly because their childcare arrangements meant it was necessary and then they tried to charge me for electricity I would think they were mean and/or a bit uninformed. I would probably also think that they had money anxieties.
Also if someone was staying with me that often and just covering the cost of their own food, I would probably think something similar.