Would you expect a contribution in this situation?

Erm... Have you read my post properly?! I didn't say that, I was saying how ridiculous that other posters were making that assumption! It seems I'm in agreement with you 😕

It sounds ridiculously petty, and not the good basis for a relationship if you’re going to sit down and calculate how many pennies a shower costs, how much water a toilet flush uses, etc. If it’s thst much of an issue, just stop him coming round all together. But I think there are some other benefits to you in this situation. Does he give you or the children a lift somewhere in the days he stays? Help with the housework? Fix or repair things in the house? Mow the lawn? Walk the dogs?

No, assuming they also chip in helping with the dishes, cooking, childcare, and pets whilst there, vs sitting on their backside expecting to be waited on? Then they're actually contributing already to making your life easier. Which is worth more than £20 a month extra in my book.

Not only that but there’s an assumption the children are in the house. I have 50:50 shared custody- it is rare my DP is in the house with the kids around.

This sounds grabby and petty. Unless there is a huge backstory that hasn’t been shared here.

No I wouldn't charge for electricity etc. But they're obviously some resentment on your part.

Slightly off topic, but OP said they’d been together for just under 2 years and there have been a handful of comments saying it’s too early to have a partner staying over. Out of interest, how soon is too soon?

I would say the person whose house it is should look back through their bills and if there is a measurable difference then it's not unreasonable of them to say this and say they are sorry but it's an expense they just cant afford.

I know if I was at someone's house so much that it was increasing their bills I would be mortified that I hadn't even thought about that and I would want to contribute.

If he has money, try rinse him as much as you can.

And now not just a cocklodger but a paedophile to boot

Or maybe i should say, there's always two

Ooh - there's always one

Fair enough!

The other person is choosing to have them in their home.

So no, I would say buying their own food is enough.

I would however, suggest staying a couple of nights at each others place if this is not already done.

We work in the same city, in fact I save petrol by staying at his as I live in a small village about 20 miles from where I work. He lives less than 2 miles from where I work. So I was spending around £160 in petrol a month - I now spend about £25. He buys all the food and cooks too

I couldn't be as petty as to charge for water and electric if my partner was staying over.

If you move in together officially, obviously you will then share the bills.

He is buying food while he is there. You would still have the TV/lights/heating when appropriate on whether he was there or not, so what's the actual difference his being there is making?

If you're getting wound up about this, perhaps there's no long term future, as it sounds like your feelings aren't as strong for him as they should be.

No I wouldn't ask for contribution but when they bring their own food do they cook for you too? Do they buy takeaways / treats etc ?

No, not for gas/electric/water.

I really couldn't see it costing me any more to be honest.

How strange. Do you deduct your travelling costs from that?

No

Actually no. You’ve assumed OP is on income related benefits just because she’s a single parent. You’ve then assumed that DWP don’t allow claimants to have a personal life. And if she were claiming income related benefits, as long as BF isn’t resident with OP and isn’t contributing to the household expenses, she’s doing nothing wrong.

Unless there's a drip feed that he has two hour long showers daily or has the heating (or aircon in this weather!) on all the time when you don't etc, nothing.

He buys his own food (does he also cook for you with the food he buys or do you eat separately?) and surely your utilities wouldn't go up much at all with him being there? I'm assuming you do cook together (I'd find it weird if not tbh unless one of you is vegan and the other a massive carnivore or similar) and presumably are usually in the same room, and watching TV together etc so the effect on gas and electric would be miniscule I'd have thought. Don't know about water cos I've never been on a meter.

I think as it usually is you hosting he could (as suggested by PP) provide some treats or something but I definitely wouldn't ask for cash.

It wouldn't even cross my mind to be honest.

It’s not actually on the benefit claimant to prove that they are not doing something wrong. It’s on DWP to prove that they are.

No. Food and drink yes, but not a share of bills. They already have their own bills to pay. Plus how would you even work it out?!

Either move in together or tell them you don't want them spending so much time at yours.