Page 8 | DS accused of assault

Distraught2025 · 2025-06-21T13:53:27+00:00

Please be gentle as I am in pieces. Basically I was informed by school yesterday they are investigating a serious assault against a Y7 boy. DS was alleged to have been involved, DS admits he was there but denied it was him that assaulted the boy and named another boy. In the meeting DS came across as sullen and shifty which the school have pointed out doesn't help his case. The victim isn't sure who attacked him. Without going into details, I am beyond horrified and I feel for the victim. I am 95% sure DS isn't capable of this, he is not a cruel boy but I could imagine him getting carried away in the moment. Why didn't DS tell me at the time? Could be be capable of this? Am I deluding myself? I spent ages pleading with DS to just tell the truth, asking if he was scared, saying I will stand by him whatever but he denies, denies, denies. I desperately want to support him but can see he is not telling me everything. Police and being expelled have been mentioned The school are continuing their investigation, meanwhile I am in bits fearing for his future. I can barely look at DS but how can I support him? Posted in Aibu for traffic

MrsGrowl · 21/06/2025 15:46

Distraught2025 · 21/06/2025 15:16

Thank you so much for your replies. I missed from my OP that DS is also 12 and Year 7. He was there and admits to piling on top of the child as a joke, so it sounds like messing around. Someone (else in DS story) took it too far after DS and the other kids fell off. No weapons involved

Edited

I guarantee that poor kid didn’t find the ‘joke’ funny.
Kids piling on top of him isn’t funny. If adults piled on top of you how would you feel? scared, claustrophobic, in pain, humiliated & squashed I imagine.

Praying4Peace · 21/06/2025 15:42

Sending you love and strength OP

JLou08 · 21/06/2025 15:42

Distraught2025 · 21/06/2025 15:16

Thank you so much for your replies. I missed from my OP that DS is also 12 and Year 7. He was there and admits to piling on top of the child as a joke, so it sounds like messing around. Someone (else in DS story) took it too far after DS and the other kids fell off. No weapons involved

Edited

That sounds more like bullying to me. I don't believe he piled on this boy for a 'joke'. What's funny about piling on someone?

Zone2NorthLondon · 21/06/2025 15:42

I will say you know he piled in,you need to address his behaviour and participation in this event
He needs to understand it was more that a pile on. The term in itself is minimising
Address his behaviour, discuss actions and consequences. Before it becomes a consistent behavioural trait

VickyEadieofThigh · 21/06/2025 15:38

Distraught2025 · 21/06/2025 15:16

Thank you so much for your replies. I missed from my OP that DS is also 12 and Year 7. He was there and admits to piling on top of the child as a joke, so it sounds like messing around. Someone (else in DS story) took it too far after DS and the other kids fell off. No weapons involved

Edited

We started with him denying involvement. Now he was part of a group pile-on on one child. Has he only just admitted that to you since your original post or did you know this information and decide to miss it out?

Zone2NorthLondon · 21/06/2025 15:37

I say this from experience, the nicest boys with nice stable families do get physical and do assault other pupils
You (obviously) experience and view your son through prism of being his mum. He responds and behaves in that role. You don’t directly know or see what he’s like in a peer group or a charged situation. You know he piled on whatever that was.
In school, he’s got another role and will behave in another way. In such situations a group has its own dynamic and people don’t behave as they would individually
I am simply saying this need further sensitive exploration and he’s probably not telling you the actual story

ThriveIn2025 · 21/06/2025 15:35

Did it happen at school? The cctv at my kid’s school covers every area except toilet / changing room. Why doesn’t that show the culprit?

If my son had piled into a big group on top of another I’d be raging angry and he’d be terrified. What was with his attitude in the interview and why isn't he telling you who was responsible?

WalkingThroughTreacle · 21/06/2025 15:33

Distraught2025 · 21/06/2025 15:16

Thank you so much for your replies. I missed from my OP that DS is also 12 and Year 7. He was there and admits to piling on top of the child as a joke, so it sounds like messing around. Someone (else in DS story) took it too far after DS and the other kids fell off. No weapons involved

Edited

Well he wasn't just a passive bystander then, he was actively involved in a cowardly group attack. He may think it was just a joke but evidently neither the school nor the victim do, and neither should you. You seem to be doing your utmost to kid yourself that your child is a little angel at heart who maybe got a little bit carried away. That's not what's going on here and you are not doing him any favours with your attitude. This is an opportunity to deal with a tendency towards bullying and violence. Or, you can keep playing the naïve parent and let him carry on until some poor kid ends up getting badly hurt and your little angel ends up serious trouble.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 21/06/2025 15:33

To go straight to police involvement and permanent exclusion is really unusual. That’s not rough housing and messing about territory.

MargotTenenbaumscoat · 21/06/2025 15:32

Btw. I absolutely feel for you. What a horrible place to be in. You want to believe your son but also want to know the truth. It’s horrible to think that our dc could be capable of hurting others.

MargotTenenbaumscoat · 21/06/2025 15:30

Is anyone else being accused and threatened with exclusion/police or only your ds? If so why? What was different about your ds part to others?

Original poster

Distraught2025 · 21/06/2025 15:28

I promise I am not minimising what has happened, I am furious and not the behavior I expect of my son. But he is 12 and will engage with rough housing and messing about. He is no angel but he is not a bully. He tells me he gets on well with the victim normally (only met in Year 7 so I don't know the boy or his family or I would be tempted to go round and try to get to the bottom of what happened.) The victim has been fine with my son since this happened. I am so so sorry for those of you who have experienced violence or bullying perpetrated against your children

OP posts:

Letsbe · 21/06/2025 15:27

I represented a lot of young men in criminal proceedings. It was hard to believe many of them had done what tjey had done. Bravado fear peer pressure sometimes led to them ruining someone elses life and their own.

Sit him down listen carefully and ask him to tell you exactly what happened. Listen catefully and you will get clues as to whether he is tellinh you the whole truth. Be curious but not accusing. Why did x say that? What did you do then ? Why do you think this happened?

IsItSnowing · 21/06/2025 15:26

Distraught2025 · 21/06/2025 15:16

Thank you so much for your replies. I missed from my OP that DS is also 12 and Year 7. He was there and admits to piling on top of the child as a joke, so it sounds like messing around. Someone (else in DS story) took it too far after DS and the other kids fell off. No weapons involved

Edited

So he was involved clearly. And you are minimising. This kind of thing is not messing about and not at all funny.

Itallcomesdowntothis · 21/06/2025 15:26

FuckityFux · 21/06/2025 15:18

I’d lay odds that the victim definitely knows who attacked him, but is probably too terrified of the repercussions if he tells. Poor kid.

My DS was attacked and bullied by some kids at school when he was 14. He wouldn’t tell me or his teachers who any of the perpetrators were until about a year later when I mentioned inviting an old friend and her son over for tea during the school holidays and DS went ballistic. Turns out her little shit was the gang leader. Luckily, after I spoke to my friend and told her what her son had done, she was appalled and read him the riot act and he later apologised to DS. Thankfully, DS was left alone by the bullies after that.

Your son is clearly involved in some way, even if it’s just as a bystander egging on the others. You have to come down very hard if there’s any hope of redemption, otherwise he’s going to carry on with his thuggish ways and get into even more serious trouble in the future.

I agree with others that moving him to another school might be a good option to separate him from the other gang members.

I don’t think you can just move a kid while an investigation of this seriousness is going on/. The old head would be contacted and it would come out. No achool in their right mind would accept this iI now with this not being concluded.

IdaGlossop · 21/06/2025 15:25

I'm sorry you and your DS are having to deal with this.

A couple of things occur to me. First, that you say to your DS that you can only help him if he is honest with you, and that you will listen without judgement as he tells you what happened. (Hard for both of you.) Second, I would record him telling you what happened and transcribe it so you have an account given by him close to the event. That way, he has a story to stick to. Starting at the beginning is going to involve descriptions of his relationships with everyone involved as far back as he can remember.

NerrSnerr · 21/06/2025 15:24

Distraught2025 · 21/06/2025 15:16

Thank you so much for your replies. I missed from my OP that DS is also 12 and Year 7. He was there and admits to piling on top of the child as a joke, so it sounds like messing around. Someone (else in DS story) took it too far after DS and the other kids fell off. No weapons involved

Edited

Do you think the victim felt it was a joke as all the kids piled on him? I very much doubt it. Really does sound like your son is a bully. I agree that I bet the victim knows who attacked him but is terrified to say.

I have a year 6 child and she tells me about any violence she has witnessed at school, if your son wasn’t involved why didn’t he mention it?

StMarie4me · 21/06/2025 15:24

Things seem to be changing. My DD28 was assaulted and knocked unconscious at school, 14 years ago. The school minimised it and the police would not touch it as it happened on school grounds. I hope it was not your son but I do hope that there are consequences for whoever the assailant was. The lack of punishment exacerbated my DD’s mental health problems a lot.

Itallcomesdowntothis · 21/06/2025 15:23

Poopeepoopee · 21/06/2025 14:58

The victim isn't sure who attacked him.

Well, the first thing that has to be ascertained is whether or not your DS did attack him. Because if he didn't this is all over. Why doesn't the victim know who did it? Thats very odd. You need to get to the bottom of that first.

Well since we don’t know what happened I’m going to guess of the kid who was assaulted was held down face first he might not know. He may have heard voices or a school camera caught or rhe OPs son and others going to the place it happened. He was there and legally that may be enough.

Dominoeffecter · 21/06/2025 15:22

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 21/06/2025 14:58

It doesn’t matter if he wasn’t the one who assaulted him - if he was there and it’s at the level of a criminal conviction then he can be arrested under joint enterprise.

he might not have done it, but if he didn’t stop it then legally it amounts to the same thing.

I would support him by a) trying to find another school b) trying to explain what his life will look like with a serious criminal conviction (no more trips to America for you son, no jobs involving a DSB check etc etc)

No 🙄

ToClimb · 21/06/2025 15:21

Also do not let him sign any school statements etc.

FuckityFux · 21/06/2025 15:21

FFS, I hope you haven’t accepted his lame explanation of it being a joke? 😳

ToClimb · 21/06/2025 15:21

Whatever you do, do not let him speak to the police either at your house or without legal representation. I cannot stress how important this is. I work in this field.

SilviaSnuffleBum · 21/06/2025 15:21

Failing to see how multiple children piling on top of another child is a fucking 'joke'.
Don't fall into the trap of minimising the incident/your son's involvement.

Rewis · 21/06/2025 15:20

He was there so he knows who did it, but refuses tell? He's not doing himself any favours. Also being there can mean a lot of things. He just stood there? He was cheering on the assaulter? He tripped the boy but someone else did the worst damage?