DS accused of assault

A bully physically attacked me more than once when I was 17 or 18. Never told anyone. Deeply regretted never getting the f*er thrown into prison or at least getting a criminal record!

Things we do ..or don't do ..when we're young🙄

Interesting semantics. Yes only a given number of young men fight. And your point is?

The best thing you could possibly do for your son is to make him take responsibility here. It does children absolutely no good to minimise their behaviour. It doesn't matter if they were the 'main' bully, a hanger on, or even just standing laughing at the sidelines. He contributed to somebody being hurt and I can guarantee you that the victim wouldn't find the 'joke' funny. You need to tell him what he did was wrong, full stop, and support the school in their consequence.

What is the school's definition of serious assault? You say they were messing around. Was it one punch by one boy or several punches by the same boy or other boys.

Some boys do fight. I live near a secondary school and often witness boys messing around jumping on each other and then they chase each other.

A joke for who? Sounds like a gang of kids bullying and beating up another child, who is probably scared to grass. All DS can do is accept his punishment whatever it may be and learn from this. You should also be punishing him.

So he has basically admitted his guilt. He was one of the kids piling on and it went too far - if that's all it was. He/they can't lay the blame on one child, they are all responsible I'm afraid.

You are minimising by calling it "rough housing and messing about" even if you are also angry at your DS for doing it. Not all 12 year olds would engage in this behaviour. This is not normal. They piled on top of the victim, and in an environment where he should have an expectation of being safe. The victim will have been in physical pain, had trouble breathing and felt humiliated. Probably now suffering psychological after effects. The fact that your DS and the victim are apparently on good terms again means nothing - how many adult victims of domestic abuse etc are too scared to leave? A child is even less equipped to deal with this.

The best thing you can do for your DS is to make it clear the behaviour is unacceptable by punishing him at home, accepting what consequences the school imposes and ensuring he is supported / represented appropriately throughout any legal processes. Make him apologise when appropriate (a lawyer might advise waiting to see how the police investigation goes, but it should definitely happen at some point). Minimising or excusing his behaviour or allowing / encouraging him to avoid consequences will do him no favours in the longer term.

Feck off yourself as you put it so charmingly. I have kids that age, and I can see what they are doing together. So what? It has nothing to do with assault and your description was completely ridiculous.

Plenty of grown adults have zero interest in and have never bothered playing team sports inc. my DH. out of curiosity, why mentioning him and not you? Because he's a man 🙄

But he is 12 and will engage with rough housing and messing about

that’s your problem .. you endorse this, you accept as normal hence you have this shite if a situation

also have you been checking his phone regularly? Bet you ll find some gems there

So the whole group including your son assaulted the victim by trying to crush him, then one or more of them assaulted him further? Sounds pretty serious, and not at all like a joke.

For God's sake. Look up implied consent defence and stop being facetious.

OP I'm sorry to say your son sounds like a surly bully.

Feck off with those bullshit ‘boys will be boys’ type comments.

Plenty of grown adults have zero interest in and have never bothered playing team sports inc. my DH.

On the other hand, I’d wager that the majority of thugs in prison also enjoyed playing ‘team sports’ and never grew out of their love for bashing up other people. 🤷🏻‍♀️

SOME young men fight. By no means is it a given as your post suggests.

How would you feel if your son was the one with the kids ha ing the joke on top of him. You can help your son but allowing your own distress to rose tint what has happened will not help him.

The school seem to view it very seriously and you say the police may be involved. If the police do interview him make sure he has a solicitor andhe tells them exactly what has happened.

So long as you minimise this and deflect responsibility, so will your son

I think its irrelevant if your son attacked this poor child or didn't, he was clearly involved and your more likely to get the truth if you let him know you are just as disappointed with him, which in all honesty you should be.

On the flip side I've caught year 7 boys doing and saying things that their parents have no idea about and deny their darlings wouldn't do that until it's proved

whatever you do, do not sign up your kids for any kind of team sports, ever.

So he wasn’t just there watching passively, was he? He actively joined in piling on top of this poor child.

It sounds like all those involved in the ‘pile on’ were to blame.

Stop being ridiculous. You are clearly minimising this.

But he is 12 and will engage with rough housing and messing about. He is no angel but he is not a bully.

You fondly call it rough housing, I call it assault. Funnily enough, so does the legal system. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Legal definition: Assault is generally defined as an intentional act by one person that creates a reasonable apprehension in another of imminent harmful or offensive contact. Physical injury is not required for an act to constitute assault; the key elements are the intent to cause apprehension and the victim’s reasonable belief that such contact is imminent.

Battery is the physical impact of assault.

Your son is 12 and can be dealt with by the courts as a juvenile offender.

You need to take this bloody seriously!!!

You need to keep emphasising that this has gone beyond the normal schoolboy stuff. If the police are getting involved then he needs his parents on his side and you can only be fully supportive if you know the absolute truth however unpalatable that may be.

I doubt the frightened and humiliated child who had the other kids piled on top of them found this funny

they do it all the time 🙄. More boys than girls for some reasons, but at that age, I wouldn't even raise an eyebrow.

In itself, it's a complete non-issue. How did that go from a normal "pile-up" to an assault with the police involved is what I'd want to know. That's not even half the story, it can't be.

Yes, you are minimising. Do you think the victim felt is was just a bIt of rough housing and messing about? Do you have any idea what the impact of having several people piling on top of you and being frightened feels like?
You sound exactly like a parent of a child at my sons school. According to her it was never him, always someone else, he just happened to be there, it was everyone else that got carried away never her son. It was just a joke, a bit of banter etc. Said child is now an adult and after several arrests during his teen years for various things he is now doing a stretch for GBH. Guess what his mother is saying, yes that's right it wasn't him, he just happened to be there.