DS accused of assault

I knew you were minimising and being wet about this when you said a bit of roughhousing was to be expected! and that this was the second incident of its kind.

watch the drama adolescence. Your son could be up to anything. He is certainly a bully else he wouldn’t have been in the pile on in the first place - he’s then only thrown a name in the frame when his came up in the investigation. He didn’t come forward to help with it previously did he?

as for no punishment so far, you will reap what you’ve sown here.

I really feel for you OP. It's the herd mentality. He's admitted he was there but so were others. It's odd that your DS's name wasn't immediately mentioned, sounds like one of his other mates involved dobbed him in. The victim would have named him immediately surely? He may be feeling shifty as he feels guilty that it went too far.

Honestly you really need a reality check. Why would he tell you about another lad being assaulted he is not a saint, You are asking him repeatedly difficult questions and he is saying things to make you happy.

What he might have told you was about the pileup at school. The reality is this child was being bullied and your lad joined in. Whatever he tells you to make you feel better this is what happened. He didn't have to tell you he needs to learn not to follow the crowd. Let the school get on with it don't make him dig himself into a bigger and bigger hole.,

Anyone who describes their child as 'no angel' generally has an absolute horror on their hands, as seen by everyone who doesn't have the rose-tinted glasses of their mother.
If he behaves like this now, god knows what he's going to be like at 16, 21, etc.

Poor poor kid!

I can’t believe anyone has voted YANBU!
If your son really wasn’t involved then he’s not saying who was which shows no empathy whatsoever towards the victim. You sound as if you are minimising and quite frankly it’s disgusting that you’re attempting to pass this off as some sort of joke.

Your son is involved . I would remain tight lipped with the school / police etc until at least you son says his involvement.

It was a different case
But I think I saw the case you are talking about on a crime documentary ?
If not it sounds very similar.

Not giving information does not make him a criminal. Being there and not stopping it does not make him a criminal.

Joint enterprise, based on what OP has said, would not apply here. Again based on what she has said, her son is not ‘now a criminal’.

it may not matter that he wasn’t directly involved when it comes to gangs of people it could be treated as a joint enterprise crime. He knew what was going on and instead of getting help he joined in.

OP said that the police have been mentioned, which isn’t the same thing as them actually being involved.

Being there and doing nothing is by itself not going to result in legal consequences.

Your son was clearly involved either directly by doing the attack or indirectly either by being there and not stopping it or now covering up for who did it. Either way your son is now a criminal.
I would get the police involved myself if I was you, and reiterate to your son how it will be better in the long run for him if he admits his involvement voluntarily

The difference there is that boy two was aware that boy one intended to commit a crime, and knowingly planned with and joined him. Being present when a crime is committed when you have no foreknowledge (or there is no evidence of you knowing in advance) is a different matter.

Similarly, outside of specific circumstances, you aren’t compelled to intervene if someone is committing a crime, or indeed compelled to report it.

Agree with velmy.

Also 2boys is quite right there is a legal concept of joint enterprise so even if you weren’t the main instigator but were there and minimally involved you can be found guilty of a crime. We are lawyers and have told our teens at the hint of trouble just leave fast. Not only for their physical safety but to avoid getting caught up in anything like this.

A party went wrong dd left immediately the police arrived and gave the same advice. The next party that went wrong in a murder was committed one boy was found guilty of murder two others of manslaughter. Thankfully Dd wasn’t there. Maybe the same case 2boys is talking about. So sad.

The pile on has probably left this child claustrophobic for life, hopefully at the very least least all the children involved will be removed from the school so the victim doesn’t have to see them.

Serious assault to the level the police are involved does not mean nothing. Another child has been seriously hurt and one way or another her son was involved and could face charges. Now this is being investigated by the police it will make things worse if the OP launches her own unofficial investigation. If her DS is being uncharacteristically shifty and sullen he is clearly hiding something either because he was involved or perhaps out of some misplaced loyalty to the people who were or from fear of the people who were. All the OP can do is explain that this is out of her hands now, that she knows he is hiding something and by doing so he is making things worse for himself, and that whatever happens she still loves him. I would also be explaining obstruction and joint enterprise - it may well be DS honestly believes that whatever his part in the incident was does not amount to any kind of responsibility on his part. But he was there and did nothing which has legal consequences. I’m not sure the reasoning behind why the victim was assaulted is relevant tbh.

I think if he’s admitted being there, joining in with the first part of what ever went on ‘as a joke’ you can probably assume that he was involved to a fairly substantial extent.
Ive worked in a school and have children of my own and if they are admitting some parts there is a good chance that they are more involved then they are willing to admit in the light of day.
Whilst their brains aren’t fully cooked at this age they do understand the difference between right and wrong and I would be so disappointed that my child not only participated to some extent but didn’t stand up for what was right.
I think you need to sit down and explain calmly what the consequences may be for him if he chooses not to co operate. Look into other schools so that you have an idea of a plan going forward should the worst happen.
Hope the victim is ok and that the culprits are found and dealt with appropriately. Here Y7 is the first year of secondary school, children are finding their feet and it’s a big year full of change, my son is the same age and if he was physically assaulted to the point expulsion of the culprits is in the table I would be applauding the school for taking it seriously.

You not actually sorry your just sorry your being called out on the fact that you have minimised a serious assault on another child.

It wouldn't and I'm not a lawyer either but there was a case near me where a young lad got stabbed to death there were two boys of the same age were arrested for it and they were both charged with murder in court it was established that only one carried out the stabbing but the other boy was accused of being involved as he didn't do anything to stop.It or get help and helped in arranging the fight etc,
The boy who stabbed the victim was found guilty of murder and the other boy was found guilty of manslaughter
Obviously this,was an extreme case ,but the Ops son could potentially have been involved even if he didn't physically attack the victim.

If he’s not telling you everything he’s clearly involved, hard to be “gentle” with parents like you saying my sons not a cruel boy yet you minimise kids piling on top of another, the other boy was clearly injured badly due to this. You need to get a grip and stop minimising the seriousness of that.

I really hope the other boy is okay and your “shifty” DS comes clean. sounds like a load of nasty aggressive bullies.

Your son must know which boys were involved, so therefore he needs to give those names to the school or tell you. If he knows who assaulted this young lad, then again, he needs to be honest and tell you. He admits to bundling on top of this young lad with other boys, so he was involved on some level. So no, he may not have assaulted the other lad, but he's not completely innocent either. For his own sake, he needs to be honest with you, because if the police are/do become involved, it potentially could become a criminal investigation, and as your son is over the age of 10, he can be charged. It's serious, and your son needs to understand that. It's not a movie or a video game, it's real life with real life consequences. I'd be tempted to seek legal advice, and take your son to see a solicitor - it might be the fright he needs to be honest with you.

The incident happened a few weeks ago and DS name was only mentioned yesterday by school. That sounds odd to me. An incident serious enough for police involvement would be investigated as a matter of urgency. Do you have more background to explain the delay, OP?

Finally someone sensible responding.

Such a difficult situation. I’d definitely explain to DS about Mob Mentality and how it works, and encourage him to always think for himself, and to be a leader that others want to follow, and not a follower.

I’d also express how transparency and honesty are important, because we all make mistakes and bad decisions, but the important things is to be honest and transparent about them, because not doing so, will always make things worse. It sounds like he just got caught up in what was happening, but you can always ask him about it again, and watch his body language and if it seems off, you can inform him that there are ways to tell that someone isn’t being honest, etc. You may learn more about what truly happened! Good luck!!