DS accused of assault

Exactly.
Would be a different response if it was their child at the bottom of the pile on, and who was assaulted after it. Twice (that has been admitted to).

But this is the reality. Shit parents who don't want their offspring to be accountable for their violence.

Exactly this. You need to understand that in the eyes of the law your son has admitted to assaulting this child and at the age of 12 can be held criminally responsible for this. He may well end up with a criminal record and it wouldn’t be unusual to be permanently excluded from school. If there have been previous issues with this child then your son has also bullied him and that will have serious consequences under schools bullying policies.
Now, support your son as best as you can. If police are involved then get a solicitor, ensure he isn’t spoken to without a parent present and try to stop this horrible behaviour from him before he ends up doing further harm.

There’s nothing to say the parents won’t go to the police if they are not satisfied with the school’s response.

Strategic ethics for zero accountability . Great life lesson

OP, your son was part of a gang that attacked another child. A gang. A single victim. Of course the victim does not know who the identity of the attacker, the attacker was a gang. A gang of cowards.

I’m most certainly not excusing bullying. I was bullied myself, and I switched schools because of the fear and mistreatment I felt and suffered.

I'm merely trying to see the forest for the trees, as it were, and trying to maintain perspective, which I feel like I’m in the minority of on this thread. Practically everyone seems so intent in labeling this boy a bully because of what seems to be one or two lapses in judgement, and for clearly being a follower.

I think the occurrence of ‘pile ons’ in general needs to be addressed as dangerous and not funny or fun for the person on the bottom, by the school and parents.

I’m not clear as to whether the 2 pile ons were targeting the same young man, and if so, then that is definitely an issue that needs to be addressed and dealt with so that it never happens again.

Just because I’m not willing to label this boy a bully (yet) does not mean that I condone his actions or pile ons, in general. It also doesn’t mean I don’t think he should be punished, because I do. Every boy, except the bottom one, needs to be held accountable and punished severely enough that they don’t ever do that again.

I’m more about correcting the issue rather than labeling it, rushing to judgement and condemning almost everyone involved, save for the boy on the bottom!

But, that’s just me. 🤷‍♀️🙏🏻🩷

Yes, really. Having sympathy with a young person who has done something wrong doesn't mean you don't also condemn them for what they have done.

I’m sure the victim’s parent will want the school to take a very hard line, and whatever that turns out to be you should be thankful and completely embrace any and all measures which keep your DS out of the hands of the police. If that victim was my child we’d be at the police station immediately he got home. Whatever measures the school takes your DS will have got off lightly. He needs different friends asap.

Legally they can still be held accountable - if there was any planning together before the incident or if any verbal encouragement was given to the attacker during the incident. You don’t have to physically assault someone to be found guilty of assault under joint enterprise. There’s witnesses and witnesses

@AllyX970 well the OP says he admitted to involve twice so yeah that’s a bully picking on someone less vulnerable, why didn’t they do it to a 6ft rugby player who’s stronger than them? It’s people like you excusing bullies is the problem! You can still be a bully without it being repeated behaviour on one individual it can be various individuals

Is he a bully though? Did he pile on the same kid twice?? Or does he lack sound judgement and ’goes with the crowd?’

According to The Oxford Dictionary, bullying is defined as, “a person who habitually seeks to harm or intimidate those whom they perceive as vulnerable.”

Now, I do realize that OP’s initial post may be biased towards her son, but even without that, what we’ve been told does not correlate to the true definition of bullying. JMO!

Really?

I don't feel sorry for sullen bullies.

Your initial posts were very much of a “boys will be boys” mentality which is why we have a pretty screwed up society these days when it comes to violence

You only changed to “we are taking this seriously” when posters called you out on your attitude

Excellent comments.

I think I would frame this in terms of taking responsibility. Regardless of intent or who else was involved/led the pike on/was to blame, your DS was involved in injuring another child and is responsible for his actions. IANAL but at 12, I believe he can also be found criminally responsible for his deeds.

The teenage journey to adulthood is about moving from following instructions to making choices. You need your DS to make good choices.

Whatever the exact details that led to the victim’s assault, your DS made poor choices to get involved. He needs to take responsibility for those choices.

I remember only too well the “bundles” in the PE corridor at my own secondary. With my adult knowledge I can only say it was extremely fortunate that there were no serious injuries. It might seem like fun to an immature 12 year old, but he needs to understand what could happen. Does he want to be responsible for causing serious injury - or worse - to another human?

You need to put the proverbial rocket up his backside and make sure that he understands you will be supporting the school in any consequences. But you should also help him to understand that you will help and support him to make good choices and to have empathy for his fellow students.

@AllyX970 or the victim has been fine around her son as he is terrified of something else happening, her son has has been involved in a pile on 2 times, he’s a bully.

Quite. There's another thread running in which a child is clearly being bullied but has continued to spend time with the bullies concerned - and his mother supported it because thought being friends with them might help. A lot of bullied children try to appease their bullies in this way.

You may have been able to switch schools, and might not have been 'fine' around your bullies - but some of us had to be 'fine' around ours, in order to survive. Nor would it be worth naming whoever done it, even if we did know. You were lucky to get away. It's not black and white.

stop asking him to tell you the ‘truth’
ask him to go through a minute by minute account of what happened and see if it looks like he is giving you a consistent story during this

By his own admission your son was not only present, he was a participant.

How involved your child was in the attack is something for the school and agencies to ascertain but he isn’t innocent. His minimalisation of the assault and lack of remorse, says enough for now.

It’s not the first offence, son has admitted being part of another ‘pile on’ previously.
At my son’s school they’ve all been warned of the consequences of these ie broken bones, suffocating and emotional trauma. He should be suspended at the very least for doing it a second time.
My son is the same age and bar one scuffle over a disagreement which was stopped by others immediately, I’ve not heard of any pile ons etc taking place so I don’t agree with the OP’s ‘boys will be boys’.
I’ve made it very clear of the consequences of lashing out and being stupid to my older ones, the man that got jailed after accidently killing someone with one punch in a fight was an example that was in the news at the time.
Boys are more physical and have to have the right outlet, mine do athletics, kick boxing etc and are more mature and physically aware because of it.
My sons school operates a 3 strikes and your out over bullying, Op son is sailing very close to the wind.

That doesn’t sound like messing around. That sounds like bullying. Things are only a joke when everyone involved finds it funny. When you say “someone took it too far” what do you mean? Was the victim the child being piled on?

I agree. Going solely by what OP is saying here, imo the school are invoking the police as a threat in the hopes of getting the information they want out of at least someone. While they know there was an incident, they have neither details nor evidence. I don’t actually think the police are involved at all.

That said, if OP does want legal advice in light of those threats, she would be best served to speak to a solicitor. Mumsnet is a terrible place to ask for legal advice.

OP said that the school has suggested exclusions or police involvement. There's been no suggestion that the police are actually involved.

Here's the thing...if this was the kind of 'assault' that warranted police involvement, they'd have been involved already. There's no way the school would be pulling kids in to conduct their own interviews first, it would be monumentally stupid. And besides, the victim's parents would surely have gone to the police independently of the school if it was indeed that serious.

LOL - I love that "watch Adolescence" has become the new call to action for unsubstantiated panic. Her son could equally be up to nothing.

Joining in a pile on doesn't make someone 'certainly' a bully. It makes them a kid, and kids sometimes do stupid things.

Her son threw a name into the frame as soon as he was asked...at what point prior to that was he supposed to have done it? We have no idea what happened after the pile on to prompt the school to investigate, only that it wasn't serious enough to involve the police, and that the victim has been 'fine' with OP's son since. The school started investigating it, and he told them who did it.

OP has said that she'll be punishing her son for his involvement (presumably when she has all the facts), so that's an odd little comment about reaping what she's sewn.

Imagine calling someone wet while flapping and referencing a program about murder in response to a bit of playground misbehavior.