Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to have let them pay?

165 replies

Motherofrascals · 21/06/2025 13:57

It's the week before payday. Somehow no matter how much I budget, the end of the month is always tight. DC and I were deciding what to do today and I explained it has to be a 'no money day'. Parks, playgrounds, picnics, bike rides, museums, libraries, hanging at home, inviting someone over...all fine. But anything where we'd need to buy a ticket or spend any money, not fine.

They asked to do something which costs money, but offered to pay for it themselves with birthday/pocket money (adults go free). At this point, honestly, I was pleased and proud they were showing initiative, cooperating with one another, negotiating as a team etc. They have enough to pay without emptying their savings, so I happily agreed.

We're here now, kids are off having fun. However as they were counting their money they told the cashier the story 'Mummy wasn't going to come today' etc... and a person stood close to us started tutting and muttering that no child should have to buy their own tickets and 'What kind of parents don't pay for their children!?'. I sort of stuttered that I was actually very proud of them working together to find a solution to get to do something they'd wanted to do, then we moved away. I didn't want to start explaining the whole backstory, financial circumstances etc. But now I'm starting to feel guilty, and maybe I should have held the boundary that a no money day is just that, regardless of where the funds come from.

AIBU to have let them pay? I was feeling really positive about it all till about 10 minutes ago :(

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 21/06/2025 15:15

It's hardly entitled to expect parents to pay for days out not children. Why are you running out of money at the end of the month? That's not great financial skills to teach kids.

How old are the kids?

Iloveeastereggs2020 · 21/06/2025 15:15

Don’t pay any attention to them. You are doing a great job 🙌🏻❤️

PuppiesProzacProsecco · 21/06/2025 15:13

The minority of people voting YABU are the parents raising all the entitled little monsters everyone complains about OP. Keep doing you - you're clearly raising resourceful and generous kids.

Velmy · 21/06/2025 15:13

Sounds like you've raised some wonderful children who are growing up understanding the value of money. You should be very proud.

LlynTegid · 21/06/2025 15:10

I agree a useful life lesson.

You do need to look at your spending OP though. Do you have a car larger than absolutely necessary for example, or even do you need a car at all? As an example.

Shell18celhave · 21/06/2025 15:09

I think it's lovely, what's birthday money for if not for what they want? They are having fun & realizing the value of money too. Enjoy the day

Notupmyalley · 21/06/2025 15:05

Painrelief · 21/06/2025 14:30

I think you’re teaching them that life isn’t free and if they want something they have to pay for it . You have given them an important lesson about money today .

You've also enabled them to treat themselves to something they want with their pocket money.

2024onwardsandup · 21/06/2025 15:02

Great life lesson and they will find adult life much easier for it

Jojimoji · 21/06/2025 14:56

The mutterer and tutterer is the unreasonable one here. Firstly,why shouldn't kids use pocket money for treats? What else would they be saving for, a mortgage??? And secondly it was none of her damn business.

Your children sound delightful.
Don't give judgy stranger another thought.

Sasha07 · 21/06/2025 14:54

They offered, they benefit from it. It's absolutely fine OP. It's not like they always have to pay for anything fun, just enjoy your day out with them ☺️

Dominoeffecter · 21/06/2025 14:49

Crunchymum · 21/06/2025 14:45

Your kids need a short, sharp lesson in not oversharing family business in public!!

We often opt for things that don't cost money.

Given you have such an abundance of free stuff available locally (we do too hence opting for free stuff) I don't know why you even gave them a choice?

Bloody hell, you sound scary

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 21/06/2025 14:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Hardly comparable is it. What a stupid comment

Crunchymum · 21/06/2025 14:45

Your kids need a short, sharp lesson in not oversharing family business in public!!

We often opt for things that don't cost money.

Given you have such an abundance of free stuff available locally (we do too hence opting for free stuff) I don't know why you even gave them a choice?

SamphiretheTervosaur · 21/06/2025 14:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

They bought themselves something they wanted. That's what birthday/pocket money is for

Don't be such a curmudgeon

SamphiretheTervosaur · 21/06/2025 14:41

Well, your kids made a choice, for themselves based on their preferences and understanding of the situation

They probably mentioned it because they were proud of themselves.

Pay no attention to the miseries. You and yours are doing what is best for you. And what else are they supposed to spend birthday/pocket money on if not something they want?

The idea that they save it all for their first car, university etc is ludicrous. They're kids. Enjoy every moment you can ❤️

Dominoeffecter · 21/06/2025 14:41

I think it’s excellent, them choosing to spend their birthday money on an experience for them rather than random crap. You didn’t make them pay for you to have a spa day 😂

KarmenPQZ · 21/06/2025 14:40

I think it’s great teaching them that money is used to buy experiences as well as ‘stuff’ but I’m a bit in the fence that this teaches them anything about money when they then just found another source of money to buy exactly what they wanted if you see what I mean.

Dominoeffecter · 21/06/2025 14:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

How ridiculous 🙄

Fundayout2025 · 21/06/2025 14:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Why though? The kid wanted to go to the place so paid for it. They didn't pay for the adult Good example of a family working together rather than just teaching kids " take take take"

Expect child had the money given to them in the first place. Would it be ok if they wasted it on random shit?

mondaytosunday · 21/06/2025 14:37

What happened to saving up to do/buy something? This used to be normal. Now kids seem to be given whatever they want whenever they want. Your children will understand the value of money, this women’s children may well be throwing a strop next time they aren’t just given something simply because they want it.

BallerinaRadio · 21/06/2025 14:37

Did someone really say that in the queue? The whole thing sounds very odd

Sahara123 · 21/06/2025 14:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Don’t be daft, OP’s children came up with the plan and went to her with it, I think they sound fab. After pay day if you can I’d probably take them for ice cream or whatever to say thank you .

JLou08 · 21/06/2025 14:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

It's not help though is it? The children chose to spend their money on an activity they wanted to do. No different to them choosing to spend it on a toy.

SweetnsourNZ · 21/06/2025 14:35

Ignore her. You will be very unlikely to meet her again. Don't see anything wrong with children using their own money to pay for wants while parents cover needs with some treats. Isn't it what most of us do?

JLou08 · 21/06/2025 14:33

TheaBrandt1 · 21/06/2025 14:26

Sorry but I would have also thought that was abit odd. I wouldn’t have said anything though.

If a child has their own money I think a day out is a great way to spend it. Mine have done it with their money before, better than extra clutter from buying toys or spending it on sweets and chocolate. I don't see it as odd at all. What is it that makes you think it's odd?

Swipe left for the next trending thread