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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have let them pay?

165 replies

Motherofrascals · 21/06/2025 13:57

It's the week before payday. Somehow no matter how much I budget, the end of the month is always tight. DC and I were deciding what to do today and I explained it has to be a 'no money day'. Parks, playgrounds, picnics, bike rides, museums, libraries, hanging at home, inviting someone over...all fine. But anything where we'd need to buy a ticket or spend any money, not fine.

They asked to do something which costs money, but offered to pay for it themselves with birthday/pocket money (adults go free). At this point, honestly, I was pleased and proud they were showing initiative, cooperating with one another, negotiating as a team etc. They have enough to pay without emptying their savings, so I happily agreed.

We're here now, kids are off having fun. However as they were counting their money they told the cashier the story 'Mummy wasn't going to come today' etc... and a person stood close to us started tutting and muttering that no child should have to buy their own tickets and 'What kind of parents don't pay for their children!?'. I sort of stuttered that I was actually very proud of them working together to find a solution to get to do something they'd wanted to do, then we moved away. I didn't want to start explaining the whole backstory, financial circumstances etc. But now I'm starting to feel guilty, and maybe I should have held the boundary that a no money day is just that, regardless of where the funds come from.

AIBU to have let them pay? I was feeling really positive about it all till about 10 minutes ago :(

OP posts:
Laura95167 · 21/06/2025 20:23

You've taught them financial responsibility, prioritising (presence over presents) and team work.

Good for you

Original poster
Motherofrascals · 21/06/2025 20:15

Goodness I wasn't expecting so many replies! Some of them have made me a bit emotional <3 thank you you lovely lot! Bit of a tonic for the soul this site sometimes,

Sorry to those who are seeing my lack of response as rude. It's been me and the smalls today so after I posted and saw the first comment/few reassuring votes I tried to leave the phone out of reach until now when they're in bed.

The kids are KS1, so still quite little. There's been some interesting points on here about how often money is discussed in private and public. I mainly think it's never too early to learn financial literacy. I wish I'd started younger and been able to benefit from my parents knowledge, I feel I learned everything the hard way (and evidently still have a way to go!). However I'd never want them to feel burdened by it. It wasn't a thought I'd previously had so thank you for making me aware of that possibility.

On the point that they shouldn't be talking about money so openly I understand where you're coming from. It's a societal norm not to discuss such things, (and the consequences as shown can be unwanted comments!) but sometimes I do wish we were able to be more open about it. Especially when there's a moment like today where they were just happy to be there! That was why I spoke back I think, I didn't want anyone bursting our bubble. I bet I could learn a lot from those around me if finance was less of a taboo topic. But my wishing doesn't make it so.

FWIW she wasn't in the queue, she was nearby. Quite an elderly lady, waiting for her family to assemble to leave. Still not sure saying anything was the right thing. But overall I've been giving it all far too much thought today so gonna try and leave it rest now.

@TheFluffyTwo I like the notion of engineering situations sometimes, that aren't making them worry that we don't have enough money. Do you have any examples? So far I have resisted saying no to anything they want to bring home from a shop if they're paying for it themselves, even if it's something I would never ever fund myself. But that's about as far as I'd got with it until today!

@RedBeech that's such a lovely story, gave me goosebumps!!

@Dominoeffecter that'll be a good day!!! 😂

OP posts:
pecanpiee · 21/06/2025 18:42

What a Busy body that person was, don’t let it get to you.

Fairyliz · 21/06/2025 18:40

Wow what lovely children you have raised, all credit to you teaching them about money and problem solving.

Burntlemon · 21/06/2025 18:33

Great parenting.
Giving them agency in their lives and a financial lesson all in one day.
Go you.

As for the twat tutting.
Well done for resisting the urge to tell them to STFU and mind their own business......that must have been very hard!

BMW6 · 21/06/2025 17:50

I think it's marvellous that you've done such fantastic parenting!

Thank you for developing people who will, no doubt, be an asset to the world 👏

TheFluffyTwo · 21/06/2025 17:47

I think this is excellent!

Pocket/ birthday money is for nice extras and to learn the value of money. Your children have ticked both boxes and I'm willing to bet they will enjoy today all the more (and feel a sense of pride) because they have paid for it with their own money.

I "artificially" engineer situations like this when my children want something but it's not something I was planning to buy or want to spend money on. Not even just when I can't but because I think the lesson is valuable. "Mummy says no but because I've saved up my own money I still have a choice and a chance to make something that I want happen".

It gives them a bit of power and a practical lesson in the value of saving and in making sure that you actually really want what you're buying because you can only spend it once.

This is good parenting, OP. And will done to your little ones! I hope they have a fabulous day and that you make a big fuss of how proud you are of them.

coxesorangepippin · 21/06/2025 17:46

You did the right thing, op

This thread is a great antidote to all the balloon arch threads

Figcherry · 21/06/2025 17:44

Shoxfordian · 21/06/2025 15:15

It's hardly entitled to expect parents to pay for days out not children. Why are you running out of money at the end of the month? That's not great financial skills to teach kids.

How old are the kids?

Perhaps you could send op a cutting from your magic money tree.
You obviously have no money worries.

80sballetgirl · 21/06/2025 17:39

Your kids sound awesome ……and that’s down to you. Give it no more thought x

Floatlikeafeather2 · 21/06/2025 17:38

Shoxfordian · 21/06/2025 16:53

Its true, @Floatlikeafeather2 - my child is a serial killer. Must be because I paid for days out when they were a kid.

I can believe it.

OneMintWasp · 21/06/2025 17:14

Both my kids have a monzo debit card (age 6 up). I load a small amount of money on it each month. If i feel I have spent enough on them that month yet they still want to do x,y or z I hand them their cards and say they can pay the ticket price. 9 times out of 10 they don't want to spend their own money on it! I have no problem with this at all. If some one else wishes to comment on it let them. My children appreciate the that these things cost money and money is not endless. Im happy with my choice!

Cheesetoastiees · 21/06/2025 17:08

They sound like lovely children who were brought up so well! You should be proud and it doesn’t matter what type of day out it is, they wanted to go and found a way. It’s no different to using pocket money to buy a toy. I hope your having a lovely day with your children.

Toohardtofindaproperusername · 21/06/2025 17:03

Kids learn about money in all sorts fo ways. Its entirely appreciate you called a nomlney day if you have no money
. If they wanted to pay for something, it's a good learning opportunity for them
Good on you for holding the boundary and not getting into debt uneecssarily. That's a great call.

godmum56 · 21/06/2025 16:59

whitewineandsun · 21/06/2025 16:48

Agree. My parents used to ask us if we saw a money tree in the garden. Life is expensive.

I do think you should probably tell them not to overshare about finances, OP. People will judge, and that's unfortunate.

Edited
Show quote history

See I see that sharing as pride. "Mum couldn't bring us today, so WE brought HER" I get that maybe they need to learn its not usual to discuss such things among strangers but I wouldn't want to dim their shining moment.

godmum56 · 21/06/2025 16:57

Noshadelamp · 21/06/2025 16:00

How old are the dcs?
I wouldn't want to pressure young children with the stress and responsibility of financial issues.

Is it normal to give your DCs the responsibility to choose a "no money day"?

I would have taken that responsibility myself, you need to show them you're.capable of looking after them. Give them a sense of security and safety.

So yes I would have held the boundary and not brought money into it.

You can teach about money and budgeting in other age appropriate ways.

When my dcs were younger we had a lot of financial issues and a lot of "no money days" but the kids never realised. As young adults now they had no idea how poor we were, and see their childhood as lots of fun.

I remember my childhood as lots of fun but i was still aware that my parents saved and budgeted for things. I never saw them worried but I did understand that there were sometimes limits to what we could have/do.

Shoxfordian · 21/06/2025 16:53

Its true, @Floatlikeafeather2 - my child is a serial killer. Must be because I paid for days out when they were a kid.

twoshedsjackson · 21/06/2025 16:52

I think your kids sound very level-headed; they understood completely that you weren't just saying "No" to be mean, you really didn't have any cash to spare, they had the option to go for free activities, but decided that they wanted this enough to use some of their treat money. They will go forward with a much more balanced view of how to spread their money; they decided that this was something they really wanted to do, not just a passing whim. Less likely as young adults to bung spending on the plastic and worry later.....
I notice that the grumpy lady in the queue was not offering a sub.....

whitewineandsun · 21/06/2025 16:48

MuggleMe · 21/06/2025 15:18

It's teaching them that money is finite, budgeting is important and not getting into debt for something fun is critical.

Show quote history

Agree. My parents used to ask us if we saw a money tree in the garden. Life is expensive.

I do think you should probably tell them not to overshare about finances, OP. People will judge, and that's unfortunate.

lemonraspberry · 21/06/2025 16:47

good to see responsible parenting here. The kids wanted to do an activity do much they were happy to pay for it from their birthday/pocket money.

thus is how good financial sense starts - by realising money is a finite resource and to use it wisely. Experiences they will remember, random stuff will be forgotten.

WFHmutha25 · 21/06/2025 16:47

We do this sometimes. They've got more money than us in their accounts sometimes and will fritter it on sweets and Primark. I've physically taken some money off them last month so they can spend it on a day trip to big city in the holidays. Don't feel bad. Money is not an endless resource for most people.

Helen1625 · 21/06/2025 16:44

Crunchymum · 21/06/2025 15:24

Why? Because I don't want my kids oversharing with strangers?

For the person behind them in the queue to form an opinion the kid/s must have said more than enough!! I'd have shushed mine up as soon as they started telling the cashier our financial choices.

That way nosy parkers have no ammunition!

Show quote history

I remember as a child my mom was quite strict on things like this. I was excited as a child to show my mom's friend my bank book so she could see what I had saved. Mom spoke to me afterwards and explained that some things should remain private. I can see where you're coming from.

AgnesX · 21/06/2025 16:42

You should have told the tutters to butt out and keep their mouth shut.

You and your kids found a solution to your problem and it was absolutely none of that person's business.

Pushmepullu · 21/06/2025 16:41

Go and hug your kids and let them know how proud you are of them. Maybe if you have a little over after payday give them a contribution but, no you should not feel guilty about this. The person who commented should mind their own business. Have a lovely day out.

DiscoBob · 21/06/2025 16:39

The person who was so nosy and chose to say such things about a complete stranger was clearly having a bad day. Or a permanent bad personality/attitude problem.

It's a good idea to help kids budget and they should be able to spend their pocket money on what they like within reason. Especially as they chose to go somewhere where adults don't have to pay! That's really cool. And does show initiative.

But I would say it's important for them to realise you can have fun without spending anything at all. And for some people 'no money days' can't be solved by dips into piggy banks or savings. Which I'm sure they do and you teach them that.

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